The bird is dead

I am afraid of birds. No laughing, it’s true. When they fly, or do other things, its looks great, from little far away. I can’t go closer to them. I can’t touch them. When they shake their body, bring out their sharp nails, or just sit beside me and I can see their heart is beating high from the movement of their body, something happens to me, I can’t tolerate.

You will ask me, don’t you eat bird meat. Of course I do. But I can’t hold a living bird. I just can’t, especially crow. I have seen this bird to kill other bird and eat. I always try to avoid them (something that impossible in Dhaka city). When I start cooking, I always bought pieces of chicken from shopping mall. But it is little expensive. So, I am now buying whole prepared chicken from shopping mall. Still my hand shakes in fear when I hold them and put them in refrigerator and again when I had to cut it in pieces.

When I was in school, my mom regularly send me to the roof to bring out the dry cloths. Allah knows how difficult it was for me only because of crows. It flies over my head, don’t get afraid of me. Always sit on the wall and watch me what I am doing. I tried to fly them away. But some never get afraid of me.

Yesterday in the morning, after 8am, I was working with the laptop, suddenly a sparrow get into my room. On that moment my windows were close, even 2 out of 3 doors were close too. Only one was open which was to go to the dining room, I don’t know from which way it came but it came, a male sparrow. It starts flying and my heart was almost stopping beating. Within a second I made up my mind that I have stop the fan first, then have to turn off the light, so the bird can understand which way it has to go out. My eyes were on the bird, it was flying over, every moment I am thinking it will fall on me, and my hands were on the switch board. And the mistake happened, instead of fan I turn of the light, next moment I turned on the light again but it was too late. I heard the noise that the bird gets hit by the fan. It falls beside me but standing up on the cable of the TV. I thought OK, and then it can go out by itself. I turned off the fan, and waiting to get it stops totally. But the bird wasn’t in good condition, it fall down and start making noises. I understand, now it can’t go out by itself, and I also can’t touch it. I get into the mosquito net and take my cell phone. My son woke up and start asking me, what is going on, from where the noise is coming. I showed him the bird, and tell him the situation shortly. He is asking me, why you are so afraid of bird, will it eat you. I said, no, but I can’t help it. I called my mom, and ask her to come and take the bird away. Before she came… it died. My mother took the bird away, blood was still there. I even can’t clean up the blood. I just can’t.