Biography 71: Writing my name

 After returning to Bangladesh, my parents wanted me to admit to grade 2, because of my age. Though my education level wasn't good enough for even grade 1. I didn't know how to write my name.

My older sister taught me how to write "Shimul". That is my name. But in the admission form, my mom changed my full name to Shahana Shafiuddin.

In Bangladesh, if any kid wants to get admitted, they had to pass the admission exam. My dad talked with the class teacher. Dad convinced my teacher that I just came to Bangladesh,  I will catch up later. But at this age, I can't go to the junior class.

On the result day, my dad went to school and came back with a sad face. He couldn't find my name on the admission list. He talked with my teacher. He couldn't find anyone named Shahana. My mom asked me, what name did you write on the test paper? I told her, "Shimul". She said, why? Why not Shahana. I told her I don't know how to write Shahana. I only know, how to write "Shimul" which my older sister taught me.

Again they taught me how to write Shahana. Then again they asked me to sit for an admission test. I think the school didn't have enough students in the class. Otherwise, in Bangladesh, sits filled up very fast. Then no more students get a chance to admit to the class. The second time I get passed and was admitted to my neighbourhood school. In Bangladesh, there is no rule that you have to admit to your nearest school. If a student passes the admission test, they can join the school from anywhere in Bangladesh.

In school, to upgrade from one grade to another you have to pass the final year exam. And according to your result, you will get the number from 1. Number 1 will be the person who did the best or scored best. But If you get admitted newly, your number will start from the end of all students. So, in grade 2, my number was 33.

Next year at grade 3 I have got the number 2. Yeah, sometimes I surprise people with my quality ;) A boy got the number 1. He is now become my Facebook friend, living in the USA with his wife and kids. He is a genius and a very good person and has always been my good friend.

Difficult to understand, is it a sad song or romantic? 3

 I hard this music as background music of some ADs. It is very energetic music and I liked it. I thought this must be a very happy song. When checked out its music video, I had to say, " Oh no!"

Biography 70: New friends came

 We have started living in Bangladesh permanently when I became 8 years old. We had rented an apartment in a new place. One day some kids from our neighbourhood came to our house. My mom opened the door. They talked, then my mom called us (I and my older sister) and said, these kids are from our neighbour, they came here to pick you up to play with them. Every afternoon they came for a couple of days.

Now I can say, I lived in many places. But never neighbourhood kids came to help us to join them. It was a great gesture from the kids and their parents, which I never had after that, nowhere in this world.

They took us downstairs. There was an open space near our boundary wall. Now a new apartment builds there, so no space for future kids. On that day, didn't take us over there as we were very new and don't know the roads. They just stay on the main floor of our apartment. Then they asked us, what can we play. I was very new in Bangladesh. I didn't know the game names they were suggesting. Finally, I found one known game, "Kumir Kumir (Crocodile crocodile)". It means all kids will stay in a little higher place. The plain land will be the area of a crocodile. If anyone gets down and a crocodile touches them, that person will become the next crocodile and everyone else will stay in high land. When anyone came down to the crocodile area, they usually say, "Crocodile, I'm here in your water".

We played for a couple of days that game until everyone get bore.

When can I let him go?

 I love my son. It doesn't mean I don't want him to go out and live his own life. I want him to be an independent, responsible, caring, loving and fun-loving human being. He likes to do things in his own way. In the laziest way, not cleaning, no responsibility and only expending time with a computer game. 

Now tell me, how can I let it be? So, every single moment (Except one day in a week, every Saturday is his free day) I had to look after him. Make decisions, prepare him, force him to do cleaning, learning something online and offline.

I know he is irritated by me. Sometimes he said, he can't breathe because of me. Why don't I let him go? He doesn't want to live life in my way. But he certainly wants me to help him (Actually do all the things for him) always.

I told him. I will never let you go. Unless I found someone to be with you and take care of everything (Wife). I can't depend on my son. But I'm depending on someone who I never met.

I know my luck. There is a very good probability is his wife will be more like him. So, again, I have to do all the work for both of them. Then for their kids too.

Biography 69: A minor accident

 (Umlez, Saudi Arabia) In our block, we had a park in the middle and then there was our main road of the block, around the park. It was a square-shaped park. We (I and Teena) used to ride our bicycles (With both training wheels) around the park. One day somebody was taking water from the park with a plastic pipe. Just like the garden water pipe. When we were riding, the sun was set, it was about to get dark. No one noticed the pipe. I was riding at a little speed. Suddenly I felt a blockage and felt from the bike. Teena was behind me. She stopped. Because of the concrete road I had gotten some scratches on my both hand. My pyjama and dress saved my whole body.

My mom's clinic was right there. Teena took me immediately over there. I was surprised to see my mom very calm. Generally, at home, she panics with small issues. But at work, she was always calm. She cleaned my both hands and put on some bandages. Only Teena looked very worried for me. She brought me home. I have taken a couple of day's rest. All gone.

Difficult to understand, is it a sad song or romantic? 2

I heard this song in Walmart. It was the background music for the customers in Walmart. I liked the melody so asked one Walmart employee, what is this song. He couldn't tell me. After half an hour he came to me and told me this is "Attention" from Charlie Puth.

I thought this melodious song must be a good romantic song. I listened and read the lyrics. Oh no... it is a heartbreaking song.

 Lyrics:

Oh-oh, ooh
You've been runnin' round, runnin' round, runnin' round throwin' that dirt all on my name
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd call you up
You've been going round, going round, going round every party in L.A.
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd be at one, oh

I know that dress is karma, perfume regret
You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, oh
And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect?
But you're not coming home with me tonight

You just want attention, you don't want my heart
Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new
Yeah, you just want attention, I knew from the start
You're just making sure I'm never gettin' over you

you've been runnin' round, runnin' round, runnin' round throwing that dirt all on my name
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd call you up
Baby, now that we're, now that we're, now that we're right here standing face-to-face
You already know, already know, already know that you won, oh

I know that dress is karma (dress is karma), perfume regret
You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine (you got me thinking 'bout when you were mine)
And now I'm all up on ya (all up on ya), what you expect? (oh baby)
But you're not coming home with me tonight (oh no)

You just want attention, you don't want my heart
Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new
Yeah, you just want attention, I knew from the start
You're just making sure I'm never gettin' over you, oh

What are you doin' to me, what are you doin', huh?
(What are you doin'?)
What are you doin' to me, what are you doin', huh?
(What are you doin'?)
What are you doin' to me, what are you doin', huh?
(What are you doin'?)
What are you doin' to me, what are you doin', huh?

I know that dress is karma, perfume regret
You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine
And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect?
But you're not coming home with me tonight

You just want attention, you don't want my heart
Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new
Yeah, you just want attention, I knew from the start
You're just making sure I'm never gettin' over you (over you)

What are you doin' to me? (hey) what are you doin', huh? (what are you doin', what?)
(What are you doin', to me? What are you doin', huh?)
(What are you doin', to me? What are you doin', huh?)
(What are you doin' to me, what are you doin', huh?)

Biography 68: Kittens.

(Umlez, Saudi Arabia) Teena had a cat. One day it gave birth to 4 kittens. All were very cute. Teena gave one name for all 4 of them. I didn't like that. But Teena and her father started arguing with me. I said, if you call one, then all of them will come to you. Her father said that's the point. Anyway, I didn't want to argue with her father so I became quiet. Though I didn't like this idea.

One day Teena and I were playing in front of Teena's house suddenly one kitten dropped from the top, beside us on the concrete stairs. I saw the kitten's poops came out. We looked up and saw Teena's younger brother Faisal is dropping another kitten too. We shouted, " NO". He didn't stop, he laughed and keep doing his work.

I and Teena run to the roof and Teena tried to stop him. Faisal started crying and fighting with Teena. I was looking for other kittens. Couldn't find any. We assumed he already dropped them from another side of the roof. Late Teena and his dad went out to walk around the house and search other kittens. They found one more.

As far as I remember all died after a while. Faisal was very little. Just knew how to walk, couldn't talk. But I don't know how he became so cruel. Or it was just a game for him.

Difficult to understand, is it a sad song or romantic?

 Sometimes, when I hear the music as a piece of background music or listen from a little far away, from where I can just hear the melody. At that moment, I couldn't understand the lyrics. But based on the tune I heard, I assume it's a sad or romantic song. If I like it, I search for the actual song with lyrics. Sometimes, it surprises me that such a romantic melody song, which I liked very much, is actually sad.

Let me give you an example, I heard this music in the TV serial "Friends". When Rachel and Ross first get together in the museum. Is it a love song? Or telling at the end it will break your heart. Why did they put this song in a romantic moment?

Lyrics

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you
With you
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (with you)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

No, I (this world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one

Biography 67: Medicine

 When I was living in Alkaseem (Saudi Arabia), we had rooms with the clinic. One day I went inside the clinic after hours. I was looking around to do something. There was a room in the clinic where they had different kinds of medicines. They were in different colours. On the desk, they always keep some packets open with colourful medicines. Whenever any patients came here with a doctor's prescription they use to provide medicines, sometimes from those boxes too. All medicines were free for them.

 I took a small bottle of water (Easily could get it in the clinic) then put a few drops of the water on each box. I didn't think about what will happen, I just wanted to do something. You know, I'm a very active person.

The next day, my mom came running to me, "What did you do with the medicine? You have ruined all!". She left. I was thinking what did I do? Because I couldn't recall anything at that moment. Later I realize, oh that thing!

My mom said Saudi people like to take medicines. The medicines were free. If any doctor doesn't give them any medicine that made them very angry. When a pharmacist gave them medicines, they ask for more. Especially some colourful ones. That's why they kept those colourful medicines like that. Those are probably vitamins. So, anybody can take it.

Saskatchewan VS Ontario 5

 I believe the education system is the backbone of any country. The best investment for the better future of the country is investing in education. Your kids are your future. The more they will be educated, the brighter future you can expect from them. A good education will help to boom their creativity and good energy.

When I was in Saskatchewan, I have seen their government cut off money from kid's education. The school fall in big trouble. To continue their activity they had to ask parents to donate money. They started different activities to earn money for the kids, to continue their extra curriculum activity and staff expenses. I felt terrible. It's easy to take money away from the kid's section, they won't understand and won't create any political trouble.

Saskatchewan government also provide very few amounts of grant for the study. To achieve a degree one had to earn and save money first then they can try to get any degree. Or can ask loan from the bank, which they had to return with interest. This is not encouraging to look for more education.

In Ontario, the education scenario is totally different. Here, anyone can get a degree if they want. They can get grants and loans from the government easily. But again. They had to return only the loan with interest. I wish they could give all the money as a grant. At least remove all interest from the student loan. That would be encouraging for me to get more training and education. I don't take any loans, I don't like it. And I don't want to get involved with any "interest". Because of religious thought.

Biography 66: Writing was difficult

 When I was living in Umlej (Saudi Arabia), my main duty was to do babysitting. My both parents had a full-time government job. My mom uses to do overtime too.

On those days, we didn't have any English medium school near our area. So, my education part didn't start on time. Sometimes my dad sits with me to teach me writing numbers in Bangla. I found it very difficult to write. Maybe from that time, my parents assumed that I'm poor in Math.

Somehow I have learned how to write numbers from 1 to 10 (In Bangla). But I always used to write 5 and 6 in opposite directions. Like you are seeing in the mirror. My dad had to correct me every time.

One day my mom's friend came to our house with her family. They were (Both husband and wife) also doing government jobs in the nearby city. They have a son, he was just a little younger than me. I knew he was good with his education, his parents were more serious than mine. When they came I was writing with my dad. I didn't want to humiliate myself in front of them. So, when I was writing, I wrote 5 and 6 the opposite way, I assume, this time I made it correct. Uncle came near to me, watch my writing, smiled and said, "Very good job". I became happy, oh I saved myself somehow. Then he said, "Just fixed 5 and 6, you wrote it in opposite direction (তুমি উল্টা করে লিখেছো )."

Now they are all in Bangladesh. Uncle has given a clinic and working as a family physician. Aunt became a housewife. Their son completed engineering from BUET. Now married and have kids. But I still feel I'm not smart enough to them. Because I wrote 5 and 6 in the wrong way.

About spam emails

 Daily we get lots of spam emails. Some of them are to sell anything or service, some came from fraud to make you fool and get your money.

All are business. Good or bad. What they say are the most beautiful things in this world. Which you want to hear. The way they say things like the only intention of them is to help you or to love you. Whatever your heart may desire to listen, they will say that.

This happens on phone too.

Most of the people just delete them. People get annoyed.

But you know what, I like them. I like to read their beautiful words. I just wish they were saying the truth. Well, I don't open any email, I don't want to get affected by any virus. I just see the subject line. At least someone is communicating with me, with hope. Ready to be with me (Though it's a lie). They never get irritated, no matter what I say, never stop looking for you.

I like flyers which come to our house. Especially when it mentions my name with sweet words. At least someone (Or some company) is sending something to me. Maybe most of the time I don't read it, just put them in recycle bag. ;) 

Trying to look for positivity in everything.

Biography 65: Open market

 When we were living in Umlej (Saudi Arabia) my parents uses to go outside the town. There was an open solid (Concrete) space. Businessmen put big tents over there and sell their products. Maybe it was a flea market.  As far as I remember mostly those shops were for clothes. Or my mother took me to the dress collections. Oh, there were some tents were for toys too. My mom bought lots of dresses. But those were to bring it to Bangladesh. In those days, it was difficult to find fancy kid's dresses in Bangladesh. Ready-made dress culture came later in Bangladesh. Bangladeshi parents mostly made dresses for kids by buying long clothes and give them to the tailors.

After returning to Bangladesh, the first couple of days we uses to wear those Saudi dresses. They were really beautiful, good-quality dresses. After being roughly used for a couple of years, no dress gets torn or discoloured.

But this had a disadvantage too. Local kids always keep some distance because of these dresses. I felt like an alien sometimes.

Saskatchewan VS Ontario 4

 When my son was in Saskatchewan public school, he never needed to wear any school dress. Even on different occasions or theme dress days, they had been told to wear anything from home which is matching with the theme.

Now he is in Ontario public school. The school is very strict with the uniform. We had to buy from the given company. I and my son stand in a line for 2 hours to get inside the store, then found only one shirt of his size. I have ordered 3 more as he needs to wear 4 days a week. All the uniform is very costly. I had to pay $500 for his uniform, which wasn't available, and I ordered them to send me home. Still, I didn't buy his gym uniforms.

Now he has started his class with one dress. After returning home, I had hand washed then try to dry on the balcony. Didn't work. Before sleep it was ironed for a couple of times, still, it was wet. Then I put it on a chair and put the chair in front of the AC. In the morning it was still a little wet in the border areas. I ironed it again and put it in front of a fan. After one and half hours, my son could wear it.

So, today I didn't wash it. I will keep the uniform this way for the next two days. I know, it is stinking but what can I do, I don't have any more uniform, and it is too thick to dry in one day.

I believe the uniforms shouldn't be this much costly. When the quality is normal and you can buy a t-shirt from Walmart at 5 times less price.

Biography 64: Ranku Bhai

 Ranku bhai was my cousin. He was like my older brother. Because his mom nursed me at an infant age. When I was a couple of months old, my older sister got sick seriously. Doctors didn't give any hope to my parents. My parents run one hospital to another, did everything that people suggest to keep her alive. I was a couple of months old and my mom isn't in any condition to look after me. At that moment Ranku bro's mom (My mom's sister, she is the second sister among all sisters) came to save my life.

When I became a couple of years old, Ranku bro came to stay at our house to help my mom. Because my mom had to work full time + overtime. She can't keep us at maid's hand all alone. Ranku bro said I gave him a tough time, because if I once get on his lap, never wanted to get down. Well, I gave a tough time to many of our relatives (Who did babysitting) this way. I'm not proud of that, but hey, I was just a kid below 3 years.

Obviously, I don't remember any of these. In my childhood, I have seen Ranku bro come to our house with many fruits and other staff from my grand parent's (Maternal) house. He took us outside to visit different places many times.

I have seen everybody uses to make fun of his style. He was a punk-type person at a young age. Sometimes he kept his hair long, sometimes put snails neckless on his neck, sometimes big bell as a locket etc. But everybody knows, he can draw pictures very well. He made a portrait of our parents too. In Dhaka, most of the time he expended in Charukola institute. He uses to live with his mom at Faridpur.

One day he decided to go to Saudi Arabia to work. He lived there for long years. At that time he uses to send gifts to everyone. And money to his mom. He never saved any money for himself. One day he returned. Wanted to get marry his school-time lover. But her parents denied it. Ranku bro tried many ways to make them say Yes, but failed. They give marry their daughter to another person.

Ranku bro never got married, neither tried to. He went back to Saudi Arabia to work. When I moved to Canada he made a video call and talked with us. He has shown his artwork on the room's wall from Saudi Arabia.

He returned to Bangladesh permanently a few years ago. One day I called my mom and he was there at my mom's house. He talked with me. He always had big hope for my son. He said Shafeen is a genius boy. Take good care of him.

That was the last time I talked with him. Now he is no more. I have always seen him help everybody. Whether it was day or night, if anyone asked for anything, he was there to help. He gave all his earning to his mom to support her with his brother's and sister's family. When he died, he didn't have any money in his account. Such a person with a big heart. I pray Allah may give him Jannat.

Reply

 In this busy world, everybody is busy. Even kids don't have time to talk. People who are holding bigger positions in a company are busier. It is very difficult to reply to any phone call, message or email for them. But what about the person who is seeking attention?

I must tell you about my son's school principal. Whenever I send her an email, she always replies and took action on it. Salute to her! I don't know how she is managing time for each and every parent, student and colleague.

In my carrier and personal life, I always try to reply. Unintentionally very few times I forget to reply. And in some cases, I didn't reply only to make them understand that I don't want to continue any conversation. With only one person I didn't reply because deep inside I am hurt. I hope that person will understand that.

Other than these, I always reply. I want to continue talking or communicating with people by email, chat, phone call, or in-person. I stop myself only when they stop replying. If I didn't communicate with you check your messages. You will see I did send you the last message. I never want to irritated people. You don't want to hear from me, just stop replying or block me. I will respect your decision.

Biography 63: An airplane

Shafeen has made this toy

 In Saudi Arabia, mostly I did is babysitting my youngest sister. I like kids. I always enjoy time with them. So, I enjoyed my time with my baby sister. She was with me like this for more than one year. Other than babysitting I also helped mom in swiping rooms, cleaning rice and lentils (Daal). On those days, we had to clean them before cooking. 

My parents didn't buy me any toys. They did buy toys but didn't open the packet, they wanted to bring everything in Bangladesh intact. So, I took mom's empty perfume bottles, empty beautiful boxes or packets and turned them into toys. I had a small mirror too. But I didn't look at it much, as I was never a  conscious girl about beautification.

Before we finally returned to Bangladesh, one day my parents took me to a toy store and asked me to pick any toy. They told me that they wanted to give me a gift as I did a good job of babysitting. I wasn't ready. But an airplane gets my attention. I picked an airplane. It runs with batteries. Then it stopped and the glass of the plane opened to get down a fighter. It was a fighter plane. It made a noise like a fighter plane too. it was about one foot or more than one foot long. On those days it was an expensive one and my parents bought me that happily.

We brought that plane to Bangladesh. It was with me for a long time. Everybody played with it. My sister's son Tamim played with it too. But then I don't know why he broke it into pieces. Everybody laughed, he was just a kid. But actually, he broke my heart into pieces. What can I say to a kid. Later I throw it out.

A beautiful song

 

লুকোচুরি লুকোচুরি গল্প
তারপর হাতছানি অল্প
লুকোচুরি লুকোচুরি গল্প
তারপর হাতছানি অল্প
চায় চায় উড়তে উড়তে
মন চায় উড়তে উড়তে

টুপটাপ টুপটাপ বৃষ্টি
চেয়ে থাকে অপলক দৃষ্টি
টুপটাপ টুপটাপ বৃষ্টি
চেয়ে থাকে অপলক দৃষ্টি
চায় চায় উড়তে উড়তে
মন চায় উড়তে উড়তে

হাঁটি হাঁটি পা পা শুরু হয়
ভয় হয় শুধু ভয়, ভয় হয়
হাঁটি হাঁটি পা পা শুরু হয়
ভয় হয় শুধু ভয়, ভয় হয়

হাঁটি হাঁটি পা পা শুরু হয়
ভয় হয় শুধু ভয়, ভয় ভয়
চায় চায় উড়তে উড়তে
মন চায় উড়তে উড়তে

আশা আশা চারপাশে কুয়াশা
আয়নার কোল জুড়ে দুরাশা
চায় চায় উড়তে উড়তে
উমম হুমম আহা
লুকোচুরি লুকোচুরি গল্প
তারপর হাতছানি অল্প
লুকোচুরি লুকোচুরি গল্প
তারপর হাতছানি অল্প
চায় চায় উড়তে উড়তে
মন চায় উড়তে উড়তে

Source: Musixmatch