Internet addiction

Due to my poor health condition, I couldn’t come online for a long time. So, lots of emails are pending checking. Now, I have started doing that….. Though I am not feeling okay sitting in a chair for a long time, I am still staying online to check all my emails as much as possible. I guess I am doing this for my internet addiction.

An angel came in our life

Allah had sent me an angel (Shafeen) to me at December 08, 2008. It’s a boy, who seems look like my mother-in-law.

Like to take food together?

Man likes to live socially. So they like to eat together with family members, colleagues, friends, lover etc. But is it always possible to maintain in Bangladesh? Or always good to maintain.

Some times I have seen in a friend circle if anyone feel hungry, can’t say that they need to take food now. If they say will take food, they had to invite all friends and pay alls bills. No one will come to help this poor guy.

In family it’s difficult to say for a bride that she is hungry and need to take food. She had to wait when her mother in law ask her to take food. Most of the times mother in law prefer her to take food as a last person of the family. First the boys, then children and other women and finally bride could eat what is left.

And also husband never likes to see that his bride taken food before him.

If will be better if Bangladeshis come out from this problem. That anyone can eat when they need to and no need to wait for others.

Cheating on payment

Cheating on payment is a very common, old scenario in professional life. From bottom to top level you will see this problem. If management can see a person who doesn’t know their market value, management will try to pay as low as they can. And will give very low annual increment. No matter what international company it is.

In Bangladesh many poor people go abroad to work as a daily labor. From Bangladesh whatever told to be paid, reality wasn’t same. When they visit the work place they get to know their payment is less than half whatever was offered. But the people who went to work already paid enough to go abroad so they just can come back but join there.

Recently I got to know about another women’s story. When she was young she often comes to our house to clean backyard. Now she clean road of an area. Officially some one else is recruited who gets tk 6000 monthly. That person offer her to work for them and she is working instead of them unofficially and getting from them only tk 600. But still she is happy that at least she get something at the end of the month!

Day night became same

When you stay at home for long time; day, night, month everything became same. It’s difficult to remember what the current date is running. Now a day I only try to remember what is the time? Is it time for taking food and medicine? And what is the date? Is it schedule date to visit doctor? Now I don’t have any specific sleeping time. Whenever I feel bad I had to take rest in bed. Some times I fall a sleep. So whenever I feel sleepy I sleep, other wise stay awaken. No matter weather it is day time or night.

Responsibility when you get married

You get married obviously that will give you some very common and very important responsibility to your spouse. You can’t ignore your responsibility if you just don’t want to. This is something that your spouse gets by default from you and you can expect same from them also.

No matter what your other relative or family member things or give you bad advice about them, you have to take good care of your spouse. And try to have good behavior and relation with them. Coz of your family members opinion you can’t make bad impression on them. You have to remember that you bring them into your life not to give pain but to give a very good care. Here your other family members don’t have any responsibility on them. It’s only you, who can bring happiness in their life. And no matter how much it cost, you have to.

When people block roads

It’s became Bangladeshi’s tradition, whenever anything happen they block roads. This may happen for joy or to show sorrow or showing rights. People, who suffers for this road blocking they know, how much it makes trouble for the passer by.

I surprise to see then peoples who declare themselves as helper of general people politically then do this kind of thing mostly, like to show their demand, to welcome their leaders and for so many other reasons every now and then they block roads. Did they every thought if a pregnant woman needs to go to a hospital what she will do? If any one need any emergency help what will happen to that person? Coz of their blocking people looses hours from their working hour who will recover this wastage? If they really want peoples good they should make peoples live better not measurable. When they create government they should make fly over on every road crossing that no car needs to waste a single minute in traffic signal. No meeting, rally should make on road. In Bangladesh roads are very limited according to growing population; we can’t block roads for any reason.

Origin of some criminals

In urban areas, special in Dhaka, Bangladesh, there are lots of people who are living on road or in a very poor condition in slam area. These people don’t have any proper life style or mentality to live, especially about their sex relation. Women has husband but they don’t stay with them regularly. They came, do sex, take money from her whatever they can and then leave. Start living with other women. By this time their wife gets pregnant. Generally they don’t use any birth protection. And every year these women birth children. Then they grow up on the road. From the very beginning they learn how to beg, still, tell lie, use wrong words, making people fool. After that they learn how to hijack, murder etc. Some of these children start working in a very child age, some continue with that, some again goes in wrong way. When they are at 13/14 years old, you can see, for a very small reason they start killing their friend like a professional murderer. When they grow up becomes more dangerous in criminal world. Some may join in direct politics. How much we can expect from them?

The town never takes these peoples responsibility and neither tries to prevent these situations. And situation gets worse and worse. Not all are becoming criminal. Some becomes rickshaw puller, some do other business but again their children are in the same situation. When they become old stay on road side and do begging.

Low blood pressure

My sister Sonia, who is an honorary doctor in Dhaka Medical College has advised me to check my pressure daily, if it some how it become high then immediately I have to go to the doctor.

Today I was feeling so bad, I couldn’t take breath. I was taking air but feeling there is no oxygen. I was too week to move. I made some saline by sugar, salt and water and took. After taking 3 glasses, I feel better.

Later on when I check my blood pressure, I found it is 110 and 75. May be when I was feeling sick, it was too low.

Life is full of compromises

Life is full of compromises or some times with some sacrifices. I don’t live alone. I had to adjust with my family members, in-law family members, office colleagues, others. I don’t want to have any bad relation with any of them. And it’s also true; I don’t like their 100% of their attitude, decisions, and manners. So I just ignore or over look whatever they do. But some times I loose my tolerance that time may be I shout few strong words which I generally don’t. But I don’t like to do this attitude. But my patient has some limits, no matter how much I accept things…. People break my patient limit.

Still Dhaka’s air is polluted too much

I didn’t test it or I don’t know how to test, whatever I had felt from my personal experience I like to share that.

Coz of health condition I stay at home most of the days. After a long time yesterday I went out to some personal work with my father. We took a CNG auto and after few minutes I start feeling that my eyes are burning. I tried to keep looking down on the road that polluted air may not attack my eyes directly. Special when a motor cycle standing beside our auto I were facing more problem. Once I feel something put on my eyes, I tried to clear my eyes with my finger and I found it is something like black sand.

People who go outside daily may take it as a daily problem like others, but I think we should try to make this air environment better.

Returning gifts

I love to have gifts, but there are some people who give me gifts very few times (maybe once on my birthday) in a year. Anyway, I can expect but cannot ask anyone to give me a gift. For me, gifts are priceless. I never look at how expensive it is or if it is useful for me or not. I just like that the person cares enough to give me something as a gift. I never give my gift to another person or think of returning it.

But all are not the same. Some people always check how expensive the gift is. Some are worse than that. If they feel any bad feelings toward me, they just return my gift. I think I shouldn’t give gifts to these people anymore because I don’t like to take them back.

Organic gardening

This is what we need in Bangladesh desperately. We are now eating lots of chemicals and poisonous things with vegetable and grains. Thing is if you want to stay good you have to grow rice, vegetables in your own field and then process it to eat. My mom does gardening on the top of portico and baranda. She is following organic gardening process. Most of her tress is flowers. I wish she produce some vegetables which can supply us good healthy food.

Man’s love

In Bangladesh women’s sometimes says man’s love. Coz love is not same as woman’s do and may be not trust worthy like women’s love (that’s what women have thought). And I agree with it.

I have seen in my life and my known people life. After some period, women’s love became one sided. They don’t get any return from man. I don’t know what exactly happened over here. May be man feels bore, or they just want to make woman love and after succeed they lost their feeling.

I have seen husbands who love their wife. But when their family especially mother (or sis, or bro or dad) or any other relative makes any bad comment on all of their love gone. After married they don’t want to do anything or any plan to make their wife happy. If any other person from their family says to (or to give permission) to do anything for her then he does. No matter what her health condition is, unless she work hard for his family he or his family don’t like her. They want her to earn money for them and also give physical strength to make them happy. In return they will say some nice word to make her feel good to do more for them.

This love also depends of giving birth of a child. Let me give you some example. At home, after urine test I understand that I might be pregnant. My husband was very happy. We both then went “Medinova Diagnostic Center” to do ultra sono. On the way, my husband was very alert for the jerking of the road. Actually he was worried about the coming baby. Then we do test and the untra sono report said I had molar pregnancy! My husband gives me support to accept the terrible news. After returning home we brought some kitchen accessories as his mom asked. Then return home. On the way again we face some jerking and this time my husband were worried about the oil gallon, is it ok or not. He just stop concern about me coz I am not giving a healthy child. (Finally we got to know that ultra sono report was wrong, I am giving birth a healthy perfect baby).

Making trouble between husband and wife

I have seen this tendency to make bad relation between husband and wife in many people. Without any reason they like to make misunderstanding between a husband and wife. Specially the people, who are from groom’s family. They don’t want to see, their boy feeling love with their wife. They try to keep distance as much as possible. May be somehow that’s beneficiary for them.

Less payment

It’s very common in corporate business. Administration always wants to pay less as much as possible. In the personal negotiation if anyhow anybody asked less than the standard payment of the company, company get chance to pay that person less than others. And in long run those people have to always take less than others even when the increment and other facilities came.

I have to believe in my self

I know I have many good capabilities. But I never challenge this with anyone. I never thought I am the best in it. I always thing there are always possibilities to upgrade myself and there could be other who are better than me. But I don’t take any leading position by myself, coz I wanted to give chance to others. And most of the time I found, I were the better skilled person. But I never regret for this attitude. I took only those responsibilities which are given to me. May be I have to believe in myself little more, to give better service to other. I know I can do it.

Is solar system costly?

In Bangladesh all people are suffering less supply of power. All had to stay without power for hours every day. This is not tolerable in this hot and humid weather. So people are expending a lot of money to buy generation (different kind of like fuel, gas, automatic etc), ISP etc. Which is also grows more fuel and power consumption. But if people could use solar power then they only had to expend money for set up…..

Broken cab in road

In Bangladesh most of the black cabs are Maruti Suzuki. It seems very light and little cheap. But after few months we all saw the terrible condition of these cars. Most of them ( I didn’t see any good one) are broken, glass can’t be up and down, broken door lock, missing parts, poor body condition etc. I thought these cars are not good. They can’t stay good condition.

In Kathmandu, Nepal again we see cabs which are also Maruti Suzuki. But they are all in good condition. Now I think it’s actually drivers and car owner’s responsibility to drive safe and keep the car in good maintenance. But here they don’t care, that’s why same car in poor condition.

Can’t tolerate pain anymore

I am taking rest at home coz of sickness. But sometimes pain increase too much that I can’t tolerate any more. I wish I could sleep 24 hours so that I don’t have to feel this pain. That’s not possible. Generally pain increase at day time. So I had to stay in bed sometimes sleeping, sometimes watching TV to forget pain. But my surroundings are not happy with that. They might thinking that I shouldn’t take rest in bed this way but should move or do work. But if this wasn’t impossible for me, I wouldn’t have take leave from office and wouldn’t admit in clinic 2 times. The only thing I am doing is ignoring their attitude. Leaving happy as much as possible.

Can you do a favor for me?

Generally whenever I stay in front of computer, I tried to stay on messenger. That brings me both good and bad impression. For example of a bad thing is every now and then some unknown person knocking me. It’s difficult to communicate with everyone always. That’s why I found a filter option…..

Whenever anyone knock me I asked them “Can you do a favor for me ?”. IF they say, yes (If you like to chat with me like friend then should be able to help me like a friend) then request them “Please visit http://shahanaus.blogspot.com and click on any Google ad”. If they agree then I continue chatting or just ignore them.

When you can’t move your hand

People feel good, when anyone do any work for them. But If you are incapable to do any work, and you had to take help that’s really very poor feeling. Due to my pregnancy I am facing several problems. Like my fingers becoming sense less. I can’t do much work with hands. Otherwise it starts paining. So I had to take all’s help to do work for me. Like cooking and other things. And this is really not enjoyable.

Sleeping problem at night

I always liked day time sleeping. But due to job it became impossible. Now taking rest according to doctor’s suggestion. Most of the times I had to stay in bed at day time coz of sickness. That’s makes I fall in sleep at day sometimes…. Which might causes no sleep at night. Then it’s difficult is pass time at night. Sometimes I read book, sometimes watch TV, sometimes check mails and write blog. Cozes at day were not feeling good to sit in front of computer.

Dimension in relation

You never know how many dimension or kind of relation you can have. You have some relation which you never can give a name. You don’t know but feel there is a relation. Every known relation has some expectation, which differs person to person, time to time.

How to eat food in Bangladesh

Though Bangladeshi people think they are happy (more or less) and honest, I think this doesn’t go for Bangladeshi businessmen. Especially those who are involved in the food business? Even those at the very root level supply fruits and vegetables. Most of the food produced in the factory uses wasted materials, dangerous chemicals, and harmful substances, such as in cakes, bread, biscuits, wheat, baby food, sweets, etc. They are producing those in a dirty place, with dirty hands. People mix unhygienic chemicals in the fruits, vegetables, and fish to make them look better, which harms the human body. People bring foreign biscuits, chocolates, juices, etc, whose expiry date is over, then by changing the date, they sell them in Bangladesh. They don’t care what will happen to people who are eating it. You can see no humanity in them. But what will you do? What will you eat? How will you survive?

If government people make a charge (a minimal amount), they give that, and then continue in the same way. They aren’t afraid of the law people. They don’t need to care about them (may be law isn’t strong enough to stop them) they are just doing whatever bring them money. And nothing is there to stop them.

Good place in bad mood

When you are somehow dishearten, what will you do? Generally people want to stay quite in a place where they like to stay. In my current physical condition I can’t move anywhere anytime. So, blog can be a place where online I can stay and spend some time.

Decision in home or corporate

Making decisions at home and making decisions at corporate are different. In office or outside from home you know, things are going to happen in outside, if you are wrong then you might feel bad, but you won’t be mentally disturbed like the mistake you make at home. They are your people who will blame you for your wrong decision. They won’t be polite, well-behaved like outside. They won’t think how you will feel if they start blaming you everywhere, especially if they are from your in-law family. We better try to escape to give an opinion at your in-laws, but it is impossible to avoid every time.

Bad comment on others

I don’t want to make any bad comment or statement on others. No matter how true they are. I feel bad if I had to say bad about anyone. But still sometimes when you are explaining about something or some situation, sometimes bad comment comes automatically if you had any hard feeling.

Hot place for Hijacking

My opinion is Gulshan – 1 is a hot place for hijacking. I have heard about many people go captured in this place by the hijackers. Generally I try to avoid this place to go, but reality is whenever you say you don’t want to go there you have to be there frequently. Same goes for me too. To go for lunch, bank, parlor, shop I had to visit that place several times.

HSBC Bank service in Bangladesh

Our office has corporate account in HSBC Bank in Bangladesh. Many days I have heard that our office isn’t getting proper service from them.


Now for tax calculation I had to submit bank statement of 1 year bank transaction. Generally bank send bank statement after every 4 months by mail. I had got last mail at May. So I need statement in June too. And I had checked my previous statements I found that I don’t have last year July bank statement. In other banks you can easily get a free copy of bank statement. But in this bank you had to may 115BDT for each month’s statement. Now I need 2 month’s statement July 2007 and June 2008. But bank is charging me now 1150 BDT. Coz they are giving one year back statement. And after payment, I didn’t get the statement. They said they can’t give one year back statement in the same day. I have to come next day.

Love in interview

Long time ago, I was looking for a job. In a office in Uttora I got chance to join as a Java developer. In first Interview, Company owner liked me. But he wasn’t sound in Java, so asked his brother-in-law to take my second interview. He came from USA, after completion his education.
I gave my second interview. He was very nice and friendly. I couldn’t give him some answer correct. Some I didn’t know. So after the interview I couldn’t guess whether they choose me or not.
After some time they informed me that I was selected. Great achievement for me. On that time I was only 1 year experienced. I was so happy so shared my experience to my previous company colleagues. And you know what they found. He said that brother-in-law fall in love with me! No matter what I say, they get stick with their opinion. From that time, I took a good decision; I am never going to share my interview experience with my colleagues.

False name in chat

When you chat several times you will find and feel that same guy is talking with you in different ID. I really don’t like it. But people likes it. May be this makes them feel like a invisible man. And sometimes people do it to annoy other people.

Still I am alive

Yesterday when the bus hit our car, I thought I have gone forever. But somehow car driver slow down his speed at the last moment and bus driver give the hard break. But both have seen each other long time back, easily they could stopped themselves. But Bangladeshi tradition is unless there is no space between them; cars/bus/rickshaw will not give chance to anyone to go earlier.

Hoping for the best

I am just hoping that my child stays good. From last couple of days I am feeling very bad. I can’t think, can’t move, can’t work, and can’t concentrate on anything. So, I am gathering my energy as much as possible and thinking how to keep my child (who is growing up inside me) fine, then continue office. Rest… I have to forget now. I have no choice. I wish I could take leave for a year and have enough money to go to a beach cottage and take rest.
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Is bride’s husband house is their own house

In this sub-continent (India-pakistan-Bangladesh) woman’s go to their husband’s house after married and till death they live there. All, especially husband’s family told them the husband’s house is their actual house (so that they should work hard form this house); their parent’s house isn’t their house. But if any how they get angry with that bride, the husband’s family (especially husband himself and his mother) can easily say the girl to left their house and go back to her parent’s house. And on that time she has no right on that house not even on her things…

Creating budget

Creating budget is tuff when you create first time for your personal cost or company or for anything. But if you have previous budget then you can check whether that is good enough to follow or not. If not then make changes where needed and then done.

If you create a new budget then you have to consider what you usually expend for several months, at least for last 6 months. After taking the average of last few months add some extra for in case of emergency (if possible). Because you never know, average budget may coz some trouble for next months.

Easy with boys

It depends on culture, personality and environment. I have study in girl’s school and college. But I have also take training on dance and singing. There class was combined with boys and girls. In my local area where I lived, I also use to play with girls and boys. So I have some chance to communicate with boys. But what I found is if I want to talk with them friendly they start thinking I fall in love with them. So some start showing more interest and some run away. None of these attitudes looks healthy for me. So I stopped mixing with boys. Or just talk with them when needed.

After completion of college study I get admitted in Dhaka University. And before joining there I decided my mind that I will talk with boys and will always keep a distance. In my 5 years of University life, I always maintain this and never fall problem with boys.

Then enter my professional life. Now I became more liberal with boys. I start mixing with them not only for any work but also going out in group in different places, start talking with them over phone nicely. I mean I start behaving normal with them, but always keep some distance, physically never touch them. I am little bit religious.

Now this again starts creating situation like my child hood. Some start liking me more than colleague, some more than a friend. I tried to handle all in same way. But one thing I could understand, which I have seen in many boys, whenever they found a girl to whom they can communicate tries to make some other kind of relation, if possible tries to make physical relation and then forget about her, that she is not a good girl. But if the girl isn’t easy to get, then they stays good.

Song gets inside my head

Sometimes some song gets inside my head then every time it’s running over there, especially when I am alone or not talking with others. Yesterday on the way from office, car driver open the radio and someone request to play this Hindi song to the radio. “In dino, dil mera, mujhse ye, kehraha”.. I liked the song. I start singing in my mind with the radio. That’s it, now it’s in my mind. No matter how much I want to forget about it, it is playing in my brain.

Lunch

I think every office should have a cook in their office to provide good food for the employee. Then employees won’t be sick for taking bad food and they don’t have to invest more time and money for taking food outside from office.
Our office is taking food from a restaurant. May be good enough for all. But currently I am feeling sick after taking food from that restaurant. So, to avoid this problem, I am taking from some other source. This is another trouble. Especially in rainy season, it’s difficult to go out and take food.

Will it continue till….

All doctors, sisters, relatives told me that my sickness will be gone by 3 months. I start hoping that someday these 3 months will be complete and I will feel better. But may be Allah wanted something else. 3 months is over, but my situation seems same or worst. Seems vomiting, tiredness problem is increasing. I don’t know when I can get rid of these situations…. I am spending months after months with same poor condition.

Where is my name?

One office is using my blog as an advertisement. Good, I am feeling honored. But they didn’t show my name, so I don’t have any chance to be popular. But that office said, from my blog picture ( I have a brand picture for that blog, that is CAT) people who knows me can understand that it is my writing. Well, if known people can recognize blog, I don’t know how that will be helpful for me to unknown people. But I didn’t say them anything.
Today somehow I got to see the printed paper of banner and I found that they have removed my blog picture too! Now only use blog text. They are using my blog (well can use any) but not giving me any benefit…

How much money do you have in your money bag?

If you ask me the question, then I will say, I don’t know. Generally I don’t count small amount of monies and always keep a 500 (BDT) note for emergency. Today I have invited my husband to take lunch together, coz his office is shifting far away from my office. It will be difficult for us to meet in day time. You can say some kind of farewell.
We took delicious lunch. Ask for bill and suddenly I found I have some small amount of money and no 500 (BDT). I didn’t know what to do? May be I have to keep my husband waiting in the restaurant and go out and get some money from Bank…..
But luckily my husband has some money (generally he doesn’t keep much with him). I rest of the bill he paid….

How to get well from Hepatitis B

In a very common way we can get infected. If we use common cup, plate, spoons, glass etc people can be infected by mouth water infection. Even if we wash with detergent it won’t remove the germs. Only boiled water is effective to remove this germ. But in offices generally all washed their things by soap or liquate detergent not boiled water. So, there is very good chance to be infected.
Vaccination is the only solution of this disease. If you complete all doze then you are free from Hepatitis B forever.

Too high temperature

In Bangladesh, summer is going on. And no one can forget about it. Every minutes they have to realize that this is summer going on. Here it is high temperature and high moisturizer climate going on. Please can take breath properly only in AC (Air conditioned) room

Being a mother

This post for woman only, coz Man can never feel (if somehow they get pregnant then might be) it..
Previously I have heard, mothers became very happy when they got the child. They forget all of their pain after watching the child or thinking of the child.

Now what happen with me, from the very beginning I became sick and day by day the sickness is increasing… I can’t spend a moment without sickness; I can’t feel good by thinking of my child. Only praying may Allah remove all of my pain and give a healthy baby.

Words sometimes sound wrong

Sometimes, I find a person lying, but I don’t have any direct proof to catch. Sometimes, I have evidence, but I don’t want to make relations bad, so I don’t want to show them that I know they are lying. But when I found these people were blaming me for their own fault to me, then? I had to speak up… but if I do so, others will make a wrong impression on me. Well, then I have nothing to do, whatever I said, that was the truth.

Bag from Cox’s bazaar

2 months earlier we went to cox’s bazaar. I wanted to buy something as a souvenir and also useful. I have rounded whole Barmize market and select a bag. Which is brown color, made by rexin, with plastic button, cursi hand work, metal like bronze show piece. It sounds sweet when I move the bag for metal things. After lots of bargening I could buy medium size by 300 (BDT).

When I came in Dhaka, my youngest syster told me that it is available in Dhaka also. Anyway all liked my bag very well.

Wrong report

Few day’s back I went to Medinova medical service center to altra sono. And got report I have molar pregnancy. You can understand what a mother could feel when she heard about her first child.

But again to be sure I went to Farida Clinic. First, a junior doctor asked did I come here for abortion? I was very angry and reply NO. I wanted to be sure. She said why? Your report is here and they said this is Moral pregnancy. I said, but I wanted to be sure. If needed, I like to do more tests…. By listening this kind of conversation another junior doctor said, ok, let her do another altra sono.

And from that report I got to know, I have no problem. My child is totally normal…….

Tax

I never hesitate to give tax. I feel this is my duty and I am honest everywhere. When tax cutting in high rate from my salary, then nothing more to say. I am not lawyer, don’t understand much about laws. So whatever a consultant will advice I have to follow that.

Don’t listened to good advice

Whenever I found any person is doing mistake or taking wrong decision generally I inform them what I think. I never force to listen to me. Coz I don’t want them to feel that I am dominating them. I only don’t say anything If that person isn’t talking to me, or not ready to listen anything from me.

But still, few people have some ego problem, especially who are in bigger position than me. I don’t know what they think, may be they think I can’t be right, or if they listen to me then their position will be insecure. Anyway when they avoid or argue on my opinion, I don’t say anything. Let them suffer for their own decision. After few months or few weeks they will understand automatically that they were wrong and I had given correct decision.

The matter of fun is they never accepted when they found that I was right and there were wrong. They just show there face like this that nothing happened. Funny!