Biography 292: Some memories at Barua Sir's home - D

 In our math coaching sessions, we often discuss many topics. One day, our external topic was how parents treat their daughters and sons. A girl is expected to learn and perform household duties from a very young age. On the other hand, boys don't work until they are old enough to go shopping by themselves; this duty might be once a week or sometimes just to bring something from the grocery store. Girls' chores are different, such as cooking, helping with cooking, doing the dishes, washing clothes, cleaning the house—including sweeping—and other tasks. These are not just single tasks; but they take time. So, when they are both students, girls have less time to study and find it difficult to concentrate. Meanwhile, boys only have one job each day—studying. 

When we discussed this, I knew our teacher was a man. He might agree or remain silent in front of us, but in his real life, he would treat boys and girls in the same way, which parents do. 

One day, we reached his house; Sir hadn't joined us yet. His maid was cleaning. She said, "Yesterday, Sir didn't take his dinner." We were surprised and asked why. She explained that his wife was giving an exam, so she wasn’t cooking anything. Sir had to go to his in-laws' house for dinner, but he arrived late and didn't go there. So, he didn’t have dinner. We were really surprised to hear that. In Bangladesh, it's quite rare for a husband to sacrifice for his wife by not letting her cook during her exam.

Biography 76: Little girls talk

 I used to live alone. Maybe I was surrounded by many people, but I use to keep busy with my own thought and do my own things. When I talked, people uses to listen. It was never like a conversation. 

In school, I have seen girls have so many things to share. They share their knowledge about everything, I wonder from where they had got that. They share their experience and whatever they have seen. I was new in this situation. I don't have anything to talk about. I mean I didn't feel that I can share anything that can be interesting to others. Now I know that wasn't true, but on those days I couldn't find anything to say or share. So, I became a very good listener. Sometimes I share a couple of things with my older sister, which I heard in school. My sister said, they lied, this can't be true. I surprise, Oh I didn't think about that!

Let me give you some examples. One girl said a dog spit and all humans have born from that. No girl denied that. I have asked my older sister later. She said, never believe these words. 

In school, almost every girl said, in their village home, their grandparents have 3 ponds. One is for men to take a bath, another one is for women to take a bath. And the last one is for kids to take a bath. My grandparents (Paternal) are from Dhaka. I couldn't say any story from the village. But I told them maternal grandparents' house has a pond. They looked at me, that I came from such a poor family.

They all uses to say in Eid they have got 5/6 dresses from parents and more from their relatives so they almost got 12/15 dresses. Poor me, only get 1 dress from my parents. I felt so miserable. But didn't say anything to them. Later my son uses to get 15/20 dresses from all the family members. I never had to buy his outdoor dresses. I felt maybe Allah fulfilled my wish through my son. Though it stopped after moving to Canada.

One day girls were talking about going abroad. They said if you have a black dot (In Bangla "Teel") on your leg then you will go abroad. I said what will happen if I had already been abroad? I had come from Saudi Arabia. They replied, then it's over. You won't go again. I felt very sad. Though, later I had visited Malaysia, India, Nepal, Bhutan, UAE and now living in Canada.

City tour, when we were in the school

With our teacher Mithu apa, in the Boldha Garden

Enjoying lunch near the pond at Boldha Garden

With my best friend Masuma

In the Boldha garden

At the Buriganga Bridge

In the Lalbagh Kella

In the Lalbagh Kella

 I like to see different places. I wanted to travel to different places. But my parent didn't have that much time or didn't think this is important for me. During school (Matijhil Govt Girls High School) days, I was thinking about how to arrange a tour of the city so that I can see some places. I have discussed it with my best friend Masuma. Then, we thought if we could take a teacher with us to travel, parents won't have any problem with this tour.

On those days a new teacher came to our school from Khulna (A district of Bangladesh). We call her Mithu Apa. I have taken private tuition from her for Bangla grammar. I felt she likes me, so I have decided to ask her. She was new in the city so she agreed to go on this tour.

In the beginning, we decided to go, 4/5 girls. Then we realize if we can take more people then per head cost will be reduced. We also need cars to travel. So, if any girl can provide the car, we can give the gas cost and that can save the car rental cost. So, I have asked all girls in the class to join us. Many of them agreed and 2 girls ready to provide their parent's car.

As I told you the teacher was new in the city so she wanted some more guide for this tour. Masuma's mom agrees to go with us. Mithu APA asked, if any boys give trouble to any girl, what she will do. I steal remember Masuma's mom's reply, "How many teeth that boy has in his mouth?" Our teacher felt relief. She said, "you (Masuma's mom) have to come with us, then I will go with the girls". I must say, in those days, the city environment was much better. Nobody disturbed us.

The teacher and moms decided that our teacher will do the grocery shopping and she will cook the chicken biriyani for lunch. I can remember she cooks great. Biriyani was very tasty. We all enjoyed that in the Boldha garden. Where we took the lunch. When Mithu apa was serving food on our plate she asked me, "do you anything extra". I replied, I like potatoes. She gave me some extra potatoes.

We had visited Buriganga bridge (That was newly built) and Lalbagh Kella too. We also go the Ahsan Manjil, but due to construction work (To open to visitors), it was close.

Biography 34: Madrasa

 In Saudi Arabia, people called Madrasa to the school. I and my older sister got visa to Saudi Arabia because my mom had got a government job. But we couldn't join to local madrasa as we were not the citizen. There could be other reasons, but this is what I know.

But Alkaseem was a small area and everybody knew my mom. So, the ameer (Mayor) give us permission to sit in school, as a guest.

I have some memories of this school. I and my sister used to sit in the same class. We didn't get any uniform (Government gives to the students). 

I have learned so many small sura (From the Quran) from this school. Later I forget many of them but when I had started learning again, I could remember them.

Our teachers were from Egypt. I guess mostly. They speak Arabic in the class. I didn't understand them, but we could manage with the sign.

It was a girl's school. Their uniform was maxi. 

Whenever any girl felt upset, she uses to put her head on the desk and cover her face with her arms. And the teacher always goes to the girl and asks what happen and tries to solve her problem. I felt I should try this. One day I put my head on the desk and the next moment the teacher put her hand on my head and ask what happen. I felt shame, I shouldn't do this, I smiled and said, "Nothing". Well, we understood each other's language and the teacher left. I never did this again.

The girls in the class used to fight regularly and then make a complaint to the teacher. They use to lie a lot. But my older sister already proved that she doesn't lie. So, whenever anything happened, our teacher uses to ask my older sister (I told you, everybody loves her).

One day when I went outside the class, a girl threw water on me from the water fountain. She was trying to bully me. I felt so upset, my tears come out. But I don't know enough language to explain it to the teacher, but that girl gave her own version of the story. The teacher looked at me with an angry face but didn't do anything. That broke my heart more.

the girls use to come to the school in a truck, it looked like a military truck. I wanted to ride on that too. but never get that chance. We use to walk back home.

In the drawing class, the teacher showed on the board how to draw fruits and vegetables. After that, she cut different coloured papers with the shape of the fruits and vegetables and give them to the students. They glued it on their drawings. I wanted those papers too. But as we were not the actual students, we can't have anything from the school. At home, I have asked my mom to bring those papers for me. She had taken me to the stores and asked me, "Show me those papers, I will buy for you." I wasn't that big to search in the store and find the right thing for me. I never had those colour papers. Later when my son couldn't get anything from anywhere I tried to buy for him. That made him so happy and confident like if you don't give me the thing, my mom will bring it. After coming to Canada, life became so expensive. No matter I much I want, I can't buy all things for my son that he liked to have.

Boys thinking

[English version has given below]

ছোটবেলা থেকেই একটা জিনিস আমি সব সময় লক্ষ্য করেছি, ছেলেদের সাথে আমার বনিবনা হয়না। ওদের চিন্তা-ভাবনা, কাজকর্ম, রিয়্যাকশন আমার ভালো লাগেনি। তাই সব সময়ই এদের সাথে কিছুটা দুরত্ব বজায় রেখে চলেছি।

আমার ছেলেকেও (৬ বছর বয়স) দেখি একই কাজ করছে। ওর ক্লাসে ছেলেমেয়ে একসাথে ক্লাস করে. তারপরও শাফিন শুধু ছেলেদেরই বন্ধু বানায়। আমি বললাম, তুমি মেয়েদের বন্ধু কেন হওনা ? ও বলল, "মেয়েরা তো জোরে জোরে দৌড়াতে পারেনা, বেশি লাফালাফি করতে চায়না"

স্কুল ছুটির পর কখনোও কখনোও ওর ক্লাসের মেয়ে এসে আমাকে অভিযোগ করেছে, "শাফিন আমার বন্ধু হতে চায় না". রীতিমতো চোখে পানি চলে এসেছে মেয়ের।

আমি শাফিনের উপর রেগে গেলাম. ডাক দিয়ে বললাম, "ও তোমার বন্ধু হতে চায় আর তুমি ওকে বন্ধু বানাচ্ছোনা কেন?"

শাফিন বলল, "ওত আমার সাথে রেস করতে পারবেনা।"

আমি বললাম, "আগে তো বন্ধু হতে দাও, হয়তো ও খুব ভাল ভাবে তোমার সাথে খেলতে পারবে। তার না পারলেও বন্ধু হলে তোমার সমস্যা কি? ও হয়তো তোমার খুব ভাল বন্ধু হতে পারবে। ও তোমার অন্যান্য বন্ধুর (ছেলে) মতো  মারামারি করবে না."

শাফিন বিরস মুখে রাজি হয়.

From childhood I have seen I faced problem in understanding with boys. Their way of playing, thinking, work, reaction didn't match with mine. So, I always try to keep some distance with boys.

Now, I found my son (6 years old) is doing same. He is studying in boys and girls combined school. But I found he is only making friends with boys. I asked him, why are you doing this? He replied, "Girls can't run fast like me, they don't like to do jumping...”

Sometimes girls complain me about Shafeen after school that Shafeen didn't accept to make friendship with her. I saw tears in their eyes. This really gives me anger. I asked Shafeen, what is this, why didn't you make friendship with her?

Shafeen, "She can't make race with me..."

I, "How do you know that? If she can't, it doesn't mean that she can't be a good friend. At least she is much better than your current friends (boys) who regularly fight with you."

Shafeen makes agree to make friendship with girls with a sad face...

There are some difference between boys and girls

Dia and Shafeen playing with cars

Generally girls play with dolls, kitchen accessories, long cloths (share, orna) etc. And boys like cars, airplane, balls, guns etc. In our home Dia had two cousins who are boys (Tameem and Shafeen). So, Dia plays with them with cars, guns etc. And when she is alone in her room, she plays with her kitchen set. Kids are all same, but still you can see differences between boys and girls.