Marriage in the middle-income families

 I will talk about women only on basis of my experiences in Bangladesh.

In the middle-incomed people, there are many varieties. Like some live near to poor, some in between and some are near to rich and then they act differently too.

In Bangladesh and in other south Asian countries, the Grooms family doesn't say directly but always expects furniture and other gifts (Gold ornaments mainly) from the bride (There are a few exceptions also) or her family.

So, when a baby girl gets born, the girl's parent started saving money that will be needed when she will grow up and get married. Sometimes parents need time to save a big amount of money so they had to wait to get their daughter married. Or find it difficult to find a groom who will say yes, with a comparatively small amount of money. Especially if the girl's skin colour is not fair enough.

Some parents wanted to get their girls married before they pass master's degrees. Because of two reasons. One it will be difficult to find a groom with the same or more educated. And generally, in South Asia, men don't want to get married who are more educated than them. Probably they believe it will show them less masculine and more educated girls will be difficult to manage (Make them listen always). No one likes a woman who raises their voice. In this situation, parents will find it difficult to get a groom for their girls.

The other reason is people then think, the girl becomes aged. All over the world, there is a fascination with girls' ages. If somehow it goes near 30, the girl is marked as an aged woman and not good for the marriage market. In Bangladesh, if she gets a master's degree, some groom and their families will take it as a benchmark of becoming too aged to be selected as a bride. So, the girl's parents hurry to give their girls marry.

Another middle-class trend is to make their girl educated till they got a master's degree and then let them take a job. Then they will get married. Because if they don't get a job and get married. Then after getting married or after having a child, it will be difficult for them to get a job. In Bangladesh, age is a big factor to get a job. When a woman gets involved with household work, it is difficult for them to go out and do the job. Because their in-laws (Most grooms in Bangladesh live with their parents and then get a wife, and then make her or expected her to take care of the husband's parent, people believe it is the girl's job to take care of the groom's parents. Not her own parents or neither groom help to take care of his own parent) and husband are used to taking their service in the home, now they don't want to sacrifice their facilities or if they don't need money from the bride. So, for the bride, there won't be any income source and always have to live with the mercy of her groom and his family to get some money. And there won't be any aim in life except household work.

Some get jobs before marriage because they know, it is difficult for a grom to manage a family with their own income, so they look for a bride who earns. So, a job could be an asset for some girls to get married.

Some Muslim families don't let their girls wear hijab. Because they think, maybe the groom's family won't like it and then will face difficulty to marry their girl. So, they wait, after marrying if their husband or his family allows, then they will wear a hijab or head scarf.

Some parents give their daughters married earlier because of their safety. If the girl is beautiful, the surrounding men will make their life difficult. In that case, parents have no choice.

Some families give their older daughters marry early. Because otherwise if all girls became adults then people will mark it as a negative point that for some reason, no girls could get marry, all are becoming aged women (Not suitable for a bride). After the older daughter, they can wait and make other girls well educated before marrying.

Different experience with different income oriented people

Shafeen with an elite look

In our country you can easily communicate or mix with the middle class people. Where we face little difficulty with upper class and too lower class people. Let me tell you how I had experienced.

That time I was studying at the 1^st year at Geography & Environment in Dhaka University. Our mam one day give us a survey task. That we have to go, door to door, who has little plantation at their home and check how much space they occupied with that. This was my first survey to communicate directly. I was little afraid. So, I took my cousin bro with me. I thought people won’t let me get in their house, because first they don’t know me, then I will take their time and will irritate them with my questioners. But responses were totally different. I just told them I came from Dhaka University and they opened their door and take me inside their house. They wanted to feed me whatever they have and happily helped me in my survey. They were all middle class family (I took this survey in a middle class area).

When I was studying in second year, we went to Haluaghat at Maymansing. It’s a border area and most people are lower income family. I told them several times that I came from Dhaka University, I don’t have any contact with government, and they didn't listen. They told me to take their pictures and story and told this to prime minister. I had to stay at their home for couple of minutes, except they complain didn't get much. Only one Garo (a tribal society) family looks living very well. They welcome us and let us sit and let us see inside their house. All were looking beautiful. They were not living too lower income status.

In our final year we went to Bagerhat. This time our team got job to take survey to upper class family. First I sit in a tea stall and take a cup of tea and discuss with the tea maker who are the rich family in this area, who has more than one lakh income monthly. I found my informer knows a lot. He gave us information about contractor, doctor and business man’s address. And later I found he was totally correct with his info.

Here people asked us too many questions (we were 3 girls) before they open the door, then didn't get inside the home unless they take little interview of us. Good, all should think about their security. Then nobody wanted to answer my survey questions, they afraid, all will go to government and that may create problem. I ensured them these are only for educational purpose, and finally somehow manage them. One old man didn't convince at all. He was a business man. So, I had to make some tricks. I asked all question like I was gossiping with him. And he answered all. Later we got to know who interviewed the middle class family really got warm reception and again who interviewed the lower class, faced problem.