Husband, a showpiece?

 In Canada, I have seen a huge number of Bangladeshi families. Among them, a significant number of families are running like this:

Both males and females are working. Females earn much more than males. And she is working outside and inside the house and caring for the kids. Men enjoy their work and relax time. No or very less contribution to the family. Very little help in the household work and taking care of the family.

Those men feel proud of that; they made their wives like that. Who earns for them and takes care of their kids as well.

Why are women tolerating this? First, traditional thinking was in mind to save the marriage, to have someone whom kids can call father, and surprisingly I found another reason. They keep them as a showpiece. Non-married women can face lots of different kinds of trouble from other males. Yes, in Canada too. If society knows the woman is married, she will face fewer problems. So, just to keep life hazard free, just like a marriage certificate, some women kept that showpiece in their life.

This condition is happening in other communities too.

শুভ বিজয় দিবস বাংলাদেশ। Happy Victory Day Bangladesh.

শুভ বিজয় দিবস বাংলাদেশ। Happy Victory Day Bangladesh.

---

How do we make a family tradition? When we do something on a particular day that makes us happy, we want to do that every year. 

I like to do things like that. I have started many family traditions for my family and me. We enjoyed that. Most of them are not possible in a new country. But I try.

Here we were together on the Victory day of Bangladesh. It was a great day. I wanted to continue like that every year. Not possible now.

Lata Mangeshkar, rest in peace

 When you are shocked too hard, you can't say anything. When you love so much, you don't find words. When you respect them so much, you get hurt deeply inside in their departure and that can't express it.

Love and respect for Lata Mangeshkar. She took care of her family from her childhood and continued giving love to the world by singing for the rest of her life.

A doctor and a lawyer

 My mom wanted to make one of her kid doctors, another one a lawyer. She said this many times, it is very helpful for a family if they have a doctor and a lawyer in the family.

She wanted to make my older sister a doctor. Because she is very good in academic study. But she never wanted to be a doctor. I was very afraid of needles. If a lab tester put their needles in her body to take some blood to test, she got faint. To stop my mother's pressure she had started doing her study in commerce.

According to my parents, I was very poor in math (Or study). So, there is no chance that I can study science or can get admitted to a medical college. But my mom wanted me to be a lawyer. She said once, the way I put logic in arguments she believe I can do good in law. But again, I thought the law isn't an interesting subject. I liked to travel all around the world. So, I did my major in Geography & Environment.

My 3rd sister is Sonia. She didn't like to do study, but she was the most meritorious student among all siblings. So, we all decided she will be the doctor. She didn't make up her mind before we had already made her study in a medical college. She didn't mind and now she became the doctor in our family.

She got married to a doctor too. Now a day, whenever we have any health-related consult, we go to them. I understand now, why mom wanted a doctor in the family. I don't know what they feel about doing free health services to the whole family. I hope not bad.

My fourth sister gave a lot of trouble to my parent in studying. My parents had no hope that she can ever become a doctor. But the reality is she became a dentist. She got married to a dentist. So, now we have two dentists in the family. For any dental problem, we go to them, sometimes they had to help us with the medical problems too. We get discounts in their dental clinic too. My sister and her husband became very helpful in the family.

But we don't have a lawyer. I really feel now, we should have a lawyer too.

My Biography 1: The Birth

I have born in the Bhuiya family of Bikrompur. They were the Nobab in past. My mom came from Munsi family. They were very well educated. I was the second child of my family. My sister came first in this world.

When my mom got pregnant for the second time, she was doing a full-time job and was working overtime. Because she needed money to support her in-law's big family. My father was doing a government job, he wasn’t earning enough to support his family. But mom couldn’t continue working too much in her pregnancy. The doctor told her to take a leave and stay at home. She did. But in Bangladesh, a woman can’t take rest when her mother in law is working. So, she continued to work at home. The result was obvious. She lost her second child.

Now you know, technically I wasn’t the second child of my family. I came on this earth when she became pregnant for the third time. This time doctor said to my mom, “If you lost this child, you can’t be a mom ever.” My mom took the challenge to keep me.

Our traditional in-law family didn’t like this attitude. Why a bride will lay on the bed and take rest? But this time my mom stood against all of them. My dad was the youngest son of the family. He generally didn’t say much in front of all family members. But silently he agrees with his mom and my mom became the worst person in the family. They give her punishment for this, but that is another story. Because of my mom’s strong decision, I survived. And they had got their second child, me.

Now a day, I think, maybe that’s why I became like this. I listen to all, try to adjust as much as possible. I tolerate a lot. But when I made any decision, that’s final. Now nothing can change it.

As a young father, my dad wasn’t good at the newborn child. He didn’t hold my elder sister much. But from my very childhood, I started smiling. No one could resist that, neither my father. He used to take me in his lap and travel in the neighbourhood. I keep laughing with my toothless face and everybody adores it. Yes, I use to gain people’s hearts. Because of me, my father started enjoying his fatherhood.

I didn’t take much time to learn to speak. After learning to speak, I didn’t like to keep my mouth shut. I was surrounded by Dhaka’s original people. So, I learned the local Dhakaiya language. When my mom took me to my grand parent’s house (Faridpur) all local area people came to visit me. To listen to my speaking. I keep speaking, telling stories to my grandfather. All the village people enjoyed and laugh with my grandfather. Here I can inform you that my grandfather was my first lover. He used to sing this song “Pakhir basar moto duti chokh tomar, thik jeno natorer bonolota shen (Your eyes are like the bird nest…)”. I thought bird nest is an ugly thing, why my eyes will be like that? I told him not to sing this for me, but he always sang it and made me angry.

When I learned some poems. My mom recorded a few of them in a cassette. She knew, with time I will change, and she was right. Now a day, I speak too little. From everywhere I have got complaints, that I don’t speak.

Duty to the family member

We all have our own duty to our family members. And no matter how busy we are or how exhausted, we need to complete our duty. Because of our delay or mistake other family member may suffer. And then you will feel it's better to have headache or sleepiness time rather to see others are suffering where you might help.

I think this mentality keeps a mom working all day and night... where she always feels she should do more for her family to make it better.