My patient levels

My patient level is very high. Yes, it is. And everyday in every situation, it is growing higher. But still, it has limitations too. I have accepted that my work isn’t going to appreciated by any one. I don’t say anything to those who bullies me. I am just surviving without claiming any help. I am living without growing up my status for long time. But I do not want to go down. Wherever I am, at least I want to stay on it. If you push me down, I must find something better or similar, and move on.

Rules

Its difficult to find the correct rules for anything. Like driving, immigration etc. There is a rule book off course, but there are also many hidden rules out there. Only professionals know most of them. If you don’t know, you will be failed.

My priority

What will be my priority to do? I thought about it a lot. When I am at job, I give full focus in it. When I am at home, again, I try to give full focus on my home duties. But there are a lot left, like for our future goal, I must take initiative and be active and give focus on that. Most of all, I have a son. He is still too young to think by himself what should he do now. So, for his current and future life, I must make plan and must make sure, he is taking good food, having enough brain activity, learning all the necessary things that I want to him to be learned, taking bath, and brushing his teeth regularly etc. Truth is, I don’t have enough time for all as usual. Everyday, I had to make priority list in my mind and go with it, which means everyday there are a lot of work left, which push back to my to do list. Sometimes I feel really guilt about that. But again, which work should I do first? Which comes at my priority? I really feel good, when I can finish all the tasks, that I had to do for my son. Otherwise guilt feeling don’t let me stay well and my son faces troubles. Yes, my son is my priority.

I never show up my work.

Shafeen has drawn it.

I never say I did this or that. So, it’s very easy to over look my work or take advantages of it. People are very smart. They find this attitude in me very easily then according to their need they use it. Some use my skill to get promoted, some get other benefits, like show themselves as a good team player or worker. I used to see people taking all my credits for themselves. I have patient. I just keep doing my work, use my IQ to make it better. If you don’t get it, then fine. If somehow its seen by you, then I am grateful to you.

Making friends.

My best friend, Shafeen.

Making friends is not my thing. If I say I don’t have any friend, will you believe that? I have friends in FB, in real world too. But They are not like with whom I can talk about anything, or ask anything from them, neither they do this with me. I never had close friend. Wait, I had, then he became my boyfriend and finally husband. Now father of my son. Now I have two friends in my life, my son, and his father. Because I have deeper relation with them. But if I look at my social life. I am antisocial person and I don’t have any friend. I like to talk with people, I like when they visit my house, and like to join them when they invite me. But somehow again, there is always a distance, and finally those people get away from my life. These things teach me, how to live alone, if there is no one to help you, help yourself. Live happy by yourself. It’s not that bad. People can survive without a friend. Though I never wanted to be like that.

How to concentrate?

Shafeen has drawn this.

Now a day, the major struggle I am facing is to keep concentration on one issue. At the same time, I am tired, physically not feeling well, mentally stressed, unset with different issues, a long of to do list, guilt feeling for not doing things successfully etc. So, whenever I am doing something, in my mind I am planning for others. Sometimes or most of the times, this behavior causes bad results.

Though everyday I use to say to my son, concentrate on your work. Now even I don’t know how to solve this problem.

I like Soft drinks.

I like soft drinks, especially in summer. But I am overweighed woman. Whenever I drink soda/soft drinks, my stomach becomes more visible. So, generally I don’t drink unless attending in any special occasion, like any festival or invitations.

Few days ago, we celebrate our last day of school. Out teacher and one student brought pizza and rest of us brought the soft drinks. So, you can guess there were a lot of drinks. After the party our teacher insists everyone to take as much as possible for our family at home. I took also. Now everyday I am taking soft drinks. It’s not finished yet. I have no idea how I will be look like after few days…