Biography 321: Social media in my life

 I am a busy person. I am always busy. My father used to say about me, "busy for nothing." That wasn't true. I am really busy with many things. I have plenty of important things to complete. Blogging isn't important to me. I am not earning money by communicating with people through my blog. It's just something I like to do, to express my thoughts on different issues. The same goes for my Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram accounts.

I have started blogging as part of my office job. Our company introduced a blog and asked me to join. Then I started writing in my own way on my personal blog. A place where I can express myself without worrying about others' expressions.

Well, I am aware that I won't hurt anyone, that's why in many cases I avoid much information.

Now it's become difficult for me to spend time on social media. I should focus on my important issues in life, not social media. But you know, I should keep a little room for my mind's entertainment. Just to relax and speak (writing, sharing pictures).

Biography 314: To live in the USA

 My Boro Khala (aunt, mom's older sister) asked me to come to the USA. She is living there now. We were in Bangladesh at that time. I said I have heard newcomers have to do odd jobs to survive. I don't want to do that. She replied, Educated people don't need to do odd jobs. Come and enjoy life in the USA.

I didn't feel like living over there, so I just smiled and said no. Khala didn't argue, and I like her attitude this way. I don't like being forced to do anything; nobody does. But people always pressure others to live the way they prescribe.

Who is happy?

 Unmarried people are not happy. They want to get married. They want someone permanently in their life.

Married people are not happy with their marriages. They think this is the biggest mistake they have ever made.

Then who is happy?

Divorced women.

Yes, I am saying it's the women who become happy after divorce. Because men understand very shortly how precious their married life is, no matter what they say. They generally get married within 2/3 months after getting a divorce.

You will see that women don't get remarried quickly. They can't forget about that trauma so quickly.

Biography 64: Ranku Bhai

 Ranku bhai was my cousin. He was like my older brother. Because his mom nursed me at an infant age. When I was a couple of months old, my older sister got sick seriously. Doctors didn't give any hope to my parents. My parents run one hospital to another, did everything that people suggest to keep her alive. I was a couple of months old and my mom isn't in any condition to look after me. At that moment Ranku bro's mom (My mom's sister, she is the second sister among all sisters) came to save my life.

When I became a couple of years old, Ranku bro came to stay at our house to help my mom. Because my mom had to work full time + overtime. She can't keep us at maid's hand all alone. Ranku bro said I gave him a tough time, because if I once get on his lap, never wanted to get down. Well, I gave a tough time to many of our relatives (Who did babysitting) this way. I'm not proud of that, but hey, I was just a kid below 3 years.

Obviously, I don't remember any of these. In my childhood, I have seen Ranku bro come to our house with many fruits and other staff from my grand parent's (Maternal) house. He took us outside to visit different places many times.

I have seen everybody uses to make fun of his style. He was a punk-type person at a young age. Sometimes he kept his hair long, sometimes put snails neckless on his neck, sometimes big bell as a locket etc. But everybody knows, he can draw pictures very well. He made a portrait of our parents too. In Dhaka, most of the time he expended in Charukola institute. He uses to live with his mom at Faridpur.

One day he decided to go to Saudi Arabia to work. He lived there for long years. At that time he uses to send gifts to everyone. And money to his mom. He never saved any money for himself. One day he returned. Wanted to get marry his school-time lover. But her parents denied it. Ranku bro tried many ways to make them say Yes, but failed. They give marry their daughter to another person.

Ranku bro never got married, neither tried to. He went back to Saudi Arabia to work. When I moved to Canada he made a video call and talked with us. He has shown his artwork on the room's wall from Saudi Arabia.

He returned to Bangladesh permanently a few years ago. One day I called my mom and he was there at my mom's house. He talked with me. He always had big hope for my son. He said Shafeen is a genius boy. Take good care of him.

That was the last time I talked with him. Now he is no more. I have always seen him help everybody. Whether it was day or night, if anyone asked for anything, he was there to help. He gave all his earning to his mom to support her with his brother's and sister's family. When he died, he didn't have any money in his account. Such a person with a big heart. I pray Allah may give him Jannat.

Making friends.

My best friend, Shafeen.

Making friends is not my thing. If I say I don’t have any friend, will you believe that? I have friends in FB, in real world too. But They are not like with whom I can talk about anything, or ask anything from them, neither they do this with me. I never had close friend. Wait, I had, then he became my boyfriend and finally husband. Now father of my son. Now I have two friends in my life, my son, and his father. Because I have deeper relation with them. But if I look at my social life. I am antisocial person and I don’t have any friend. I like to talk with people, I like when they visit my house, and like to join them when they invite me. But somehow again, there is always a distance, and finally those people get away from my life. These things teach me, how to live alone, if there is no one to help you, help yourself. Live happy by yourself. It’s not that bad. People can survive without a friend. Though I never wanted to be like that.

I will try to be happy with it.

After watching those people who are at my age, who are doing very good, have good position in society and listening the suggestions about my life from people around me, I understood, I should have done so many things, which I didn't try at all. But as usual I always face difficulties to make time to go for any new thing. Now a day this failure giving me a lot of pressure in my mind that I can't sleep. sometimes for 3/4 days I stay awake. Now I am feeling like my head is spinning, I can't remember small things, like where I am going, what I was planned to do etc. Today I became too sick that I couldn't go to my work or even work at home. I had to take break from my fasting after puke. My headache became too difficult that I had to just sleep by taking relax-ion tab.

But still, I am convincing myself, may be I am taking baby steps, but I will move forward. Whatever comes in my life I will try to accept that and will try to be happy with it.

জ্যাকি চ্যানের ইন্টারভিউ (নিজের সম্পর্কে) (Interview with Jackie Chan about his life)

[English version has given below]

সিমি আগার ওয়ালের একটা অনুষ্ঠানে জ্যাকি চান (অভিনেতা) এসেছিলেন। তার সেই ইন্টারভিউয়ে জ্যাকি চ্যান খুব সাবলীল ভাষায় নিজের জীবনের প্রেম এর অনুভুতি নিয়ে বলেছেন। সিমি বললেন, আপনি হংকং এ এসে প্লে বয় হয়ে গিয়েছিলেন। জ্যাকি সোজা হয়ে বসলেন, বললেন, দেখুন আমি প্লে বয় হইনি, আমাকে বানানো হয়েছে। মেয়েরা নিজেরা যেচে যেচে আমার কাছে আসে, মিশে। আর আমি তখন প্রেম কি এ সম্পর্কে কিছু জানতাম না, এটা কে ফান হিসাবে নিয়েছিলাম। সাথে সব সময় ৬টা বডি গার্ড ছিল। মেয়েরা আসত ডেটিং এ যেতাম। বাস আবার অন্য মেয়ে আসত আবার ডেটিং এ যেতাম, এই ছিল জীবন।

একদিন এক বিশেষ মেয়ে (যে এখন জ্যাকির সহধর্মিনী) ডেটিং এ যেতে চাইলো। সে জ্যাকিকে ভালবেসে ফেলেছিল, কিন্তু জ্যাকির এ বিশেষ অনুভুতি সম্পর্কে কোনো ধারণা ছিলনা। জ্যাকি রাজি, বলল চলো। মেয়েটা বলল, শুধু তুমি আর আমি, আর কেউ না (বডি গার্ড বাদ)। জ্যাকি তাতেই রাজি। মেয়েটা একটা ফ্রেনচ রেস্টুরেন্টে নিয়ে গেল। মেনু দেয়া হলো, জ্যাকি মেনু দেখে এক বর্ণ বুঝলোনা। কিন্তু মেয়ে খুব গর্বের সাথে সব কিছু ঠিক করছিল কি অর্ডার দিবে, কিভাবে খাবে। জ্যাকির কি যেন হলো। বলল, না আমি ওর্ডার দিব। যা মনে হয় তাই ওর্ডার দিল। স্যুপ আসার পর বোল ২ হাতে ধরে এক চুমুকে সব খেয়ে ফেলল। মেয়েটাকে দিলই না, ধুম ধাম করে বেশ সব খাবার খেল, অশিক্ষিতের মতোন।

তারপর মেয়েকে বলে দিলেন, বাস, আর না, তোমার সাথে আর কোন কথা না, কোন যোগাযোগ না..।

জ্যাকি বলছিল, আমার তখন কোন বোধ ছিলনা, আমি জানতাম না প্রেম কি...

[এই পর্যন্তই দেখেছি, তারপর কারেন্ট চলে গিয়েছিল।]

[২০ শে সেপ্টেম্বর, ২০০৬]

Simi Agaroyal use to make a program on taking interviews of stars regularly. One day she brought Jackie chan (actor) in her show. On that show this big start told very easily about his love feeling....

Simi asked, "You became a play boy when you arrive at Hong Kong". Jackie moved and sits straight and replied, "Nope, I didn't become a playboy, girls made me like that. They use to come to me and we go to the dating. I always had 6 body guards with me. I had no idea what is love, how can this be felt. I took this as fun. In between this time my girl met me (Now she is his wife). I have no idea about her feeling so I took her as a regular girl. She wanted to take me to a date, I agreed. She said just you and me, no body guards. I agreed. She took me a French restaurant. I looked at the menu couldn't understand anything. She was very proud her knowledge. She took all responsibility what to order and how to eat. That made me felt something strange, I became so angry and told her, I will order the food. Then without any idea I had ordered some. When the food came I drunk the soup from the main bowl and eat all items like an illiterate man and didn't left anything for her. Then I said, OK girl that's it. I will not communicating with you anymore and please do not contact me ever. Actually I really didn't know what love can be on those days...." 

I saw only this much of the interview... then power failed....

আপনার মনে হবে আপনি সব ক্ষেত্রেই ব্যর্থ (you may feel you have failed in every sector)

[English version has given below]

জীবনের একেকটা সময় এমন আসে যে আপনার মনে হবে আপনি সব ক্ষেত্রেই ব্যর্থ। কাজে, আনন্দে, জীবনের ছোট বড় লক্ষ্য পূরণে, এক কথায় প্রতিটি বিষয়ে। আমার মনে হয় সেই সময় পার হচ্ছে। এখন মনে হয় ভাগ্যও কোন রকম সহায়তা করছেনা। যা এমনিতেই পাবার কথা সেটা হাজার চেষ্টা করেও হচ্ছেনা। মাঝে মাঝে মনে হয় ছেলেটাকেও হয়তো ঠিক মতো মানুষ করতে পারছিনা। আমার জায়গায় আর কেও হলে হয়তো ও আরো ভাল থাকত। ওর পড়াশুনা, স্বাস্থ্য আরো ভাল হতো. আমি আমার নিজের কাছেও আর ভাল না। 

নাহ আমি হতাশাবাদী নই। তবে, বাস্তব অবস্থা  বোঝার চেষ্টা করি।

শুন্য থেকে সব শুরু করতে হবে...  বার বার এতো খারাপ অবস্থায় পরে যাই বলেই, বার বার জীবনের লক্ষ্য থেকে আমাকে সরে দাড়াতে হয়। সাময়িক সমাধানের জন্য। আর যেখানে মনোযোগ দিয়ে লেগে থাকার কথা... সেটা আর করাই হয়না। আর একারনেই সব সময়ই পিছিয়ে থাকি, কিছুতেই আর মজবুত অবস্থানে যেতে পারিনা।

হয়তো এভাবেই চলতে থাকবে। সমুদ্রের পাড়ে বালির প্রাসাদ বানাবো আর রোজই সমুদ্র সেটা ভেঙ্গে দিবে।  আমি বিপুল উত্সাহে আবার নতুন করে বানাবো। বেশতো, চলতে থাকুক এভাবেই... এর থেকে আর মুক্তি নেই...

In life in some points you may feel you have failed in every sector, in your work, happiness, in small or big goals... in one word in every matter of your life. May be I am passing those moments now. Sometimes I think even my fortune isn't with me. Things which I should have without any doubt are not coming to me after trying thousand times. Now I am thinking maybe I have failed in raising my son too. If any other person was here, may be done well in his health and education. I am not good not even in my own eyes.

Nope... I didn't lose my hope. I am just realizing the true situation of my life.

I have to start everything from zero. You know I always fall in these situations that I can't keep going with my goal. Always I had to find a short time solution. So, that I couldn't stand on my main tract and keep working with it with patient. May be that's why I couldn't grow the way I wanted or should become. Still I couldn't take me in a good position.

May be this is my life. I will always build a castle on the beach and every day the ocean's wave will break it. Next day again I will build another one.... I don't have any other option.... 

অন্যের ফাই ফরমাস খেটেই জীবন কাটিয়ে দেয় (Spending life by helping in other's job)

[English version has given below]

সব মানুষেরই জীবনে একটা লক্ষ্য থাকে। কারো কারো অনেক বড়, কারো কারো খুব ছোট. আপনি ভাবছেন সবাই নিজের ভবিষ্যত  নিয়ে ভাববে, এটাই তো স্বাভাবিক। হ্যা স্বাভাবিক, তবে এই ভাবনা যে কত বিচিত্র হতে পারে, তা কল্পনাও করা যায়না। অনেকে নিজের ক্ষমতার উপর নির্ভর করে কি কি জীবনে পাওয়া সম্ভব তার পরিকল্পনা করে. আবার কেউ কেউ ভাবে, বা না ভেবেই অন্যের ফাই ফরমাস খেটেই জীবন কাটিয়ে দেয়। ভাবছেন এও সম্ভব? নিজের জন্য কিছু করবেনা? নাহ.... যাদের ফাই ফরমাস খেটে জীবন কাটাবে, তারা হয়তো কখনো না খাইয়ে রাখবে না এই বিশ্বাস নিয়েই বাকি জীবনের ভাবনা শেষ করে দেয়.

দুনিয়াতে এদের দরকার আছে. না হলে ফাই ফরমাস খাটবে কে? যারা খাটায় এবং যে খাটে দুপক্ষই খুশি।

Every people on this earth has a goal. Some has big, some make small. You are thinking it's very natural that people will have goal. Yes it's natural. But you can never imagine how peculiar these goal can be. Some depend on their strength to set and achieve goal. But some thinks or without thinking they made goal to spend life by doing other's odd job. Is that possible? Won't they think any achievement for themselves? NO... they spend their life by helping (Slaving) in other's life and thought that the people who are taking their help won't keep them hungry.

Well, the world need these people, other wise who will work  or helping in other's work without any credit? Both who works and who make the works are happy here.

A quote

Like this quote, "''You don't need to waste your time on

someone who only wants you around when it fits their needs.''" Then again I thought if that's all I have, then how can I let it go? Sometimes, something is better than nothing. I don't expect anything from them. Just live with that whatever they give me.

This is earth, and you have to struggle to live here always.

Life isn't easy or perfect. No matter how perfectly you work, some or big problems will come in front of you which you can never imagine and you have to face it. Sometimes people feel happy when you solve all of their problems or small issues. It doesn't mean people want problems to be happy.

In this way reality will always remind you that you are not in heaven... this is earth, and you have to struggle to live here always.

Goal

I had read and write several times on "My aim in life" in school. Though on those days, I really didn't have any goal. Even now I don't have. I made many short term goals in my life. Most of them didn't work. May be I didn't try or work them enough to make them happen. But I couldn't make any long term goal. How could I? I don't know what will come to me next. I am not too ambitious. I always wanted simple things in my life and got some of them. Sometimes I felt very happy after getting those, sometimes not. What is the goal of my life? Don't know.... may be just try to stay happy.

Money problem in middle class life

Shafeen working with his Tablet

The main problem in middle class life is limited budget. Whenever or whatever you plan for something, first you have to look at your budget. Then have to plan what can be done within it. It’s not like you first plan what are the things you want to do then look how much it will cost (I like that).

Soon my son will become 5 years old boy. As mom I can’t think what are the things I can do for him? First I have to see, on that time, how much budget I can manage then can think about others. Really don’t like the situation.

I wish I could have a door with full of money. I will take whatever I need (not more than that) and don’t have to think about income.

But the reality is because of this need life is beautiful. If I knew I can have whatever I want anytime, life will become boring. If have eaten at best restaurant, lived in the world best hotels, visit all favorite places I would have thought what next? What else I need to feel happy? My life might have stopped. Had to suspect others who might have kill me someday to take my money.

So actually the middle class life is beautiful.

My mom, Sufia Ahmed

This picture had been taken at my elder sister’s marriage ceremony.

Here I mentioned my mom’s name, because I wanted her to be known with her own name, not as my mother. She has born in Faridpur. When she was in class 9, her dad wanted her to be married. To stop that marriage she cut her hair. And she succeeds.

Then she came Dhaka and joins in nursing course and completed 4 years course. In those days she has to send money to home to help her father’s family. That’s the starting. My grandparents are no more now. But still my mom keeps helping to all her siblings wherever they need.

Then she completed many more training including family planning. She became the trainer. This quality gives her opportunity to go to Saudi Arabia. On those days I and my elder sister came in this world. At first she couldn't take us, she has to go alone. I was very young, below 3 years old, so can’t remember anything. But she use to cry for her babies for whole night with our pictures. After some processing she could took us to her place. Later my father also joined us.

After five years we all came back to Bangladesh and my mom build her own house. Where we are living now. So, still I am in her shell. She raises her 5 children, gave us good education with extra cultural activity. Still she cooks, do gardening, and maintain building and everything. She is still work like a young woman.

I salute you mom. I wish I could do something for you (sometimes I cooked food and gave her; in some cases she said my cooking is very poor).