Putting your child into a healthy daily routine

No matter how busy a mom becomes, her heart, eyes and ear are always focused on her kid. Especially when they became too silent. It means something must be wrong. Either they are busy with something that they shouldn't do or facing some trouble. For both reasons, mama needs to run and check out the situation.

I am still living in this situation.

My son used to like my company till he was a 12-year-old boy. Now a day, he doesn't want his mom around him. Mostly because mom doesn't like his activity and asks him to do those activities which he doesn't like at all.

My son's favourite activities: playing games, chatting with friends, listening to and watching songs on Youtube, and watching funny videos. Mostly plays games and all his favourite activities are on the computer. And if I don't let him play games, sleeping.

What I ask him to do, do his homework, clean his bed, brush his teeth and use mouth wash, do stretching, practice riding a skateboard, learn something on adobe illustrator (He choose it first) and make something, practice guitar (He choose it first), practice keyboard (He choose it first), writer blog (He has the capability of writing and don't want to utilize it), cook (When needed), do laundry (When needed), run on the treadmill, etc.

You can see there is no matching between his work and mine. So, obviously, he doesn't like his mother anymore.

Our gap increased because of my job. He was a free bird during my work time. Now every day I had to fight with him for his daily work. Today said, he has a headache so, went to sleep again after breakfast. I don't know how I am going to manage this boy to keep in with a healthy routine.

Soon he will be an adult, I hope by that time, I will be able to make him follow a healthy daily routine which he may continue.

I can only try, and pray for him. Allah will take him to his destination.

Mother son relationship

 When Shafeen was a kid, one day, I told him in anger, I will leave the house. He replied, then cook and fill the refrigerator first.

A few days earlier I told him again. He looked very nervous, and asked me, "And me?" I told him, you will be with me. Then he became relieved. As long as mom is there with him. He doesn't need to worry about anything. I don't know how he became so dependent on me. He even doesn't want to check the road before crossing. It's like mom is here, so she will look after everything.

But he doesn't want me to be with him. He wants to play games without any interruption 24/7. He doesn't like when I ask him to study or work. He needs me to take care of him. This lazy man doesn't want to do or think about anything by himself.

One thing is for sure, he loves me but doesn't like me.

One day I asked him, what do you think about your mom. He replied, "She keeps pocking whole day and night" (In Bangla, "Din raat pan pan kore").

I told him, when I ask you once, you don't listen. So I had to keep asking you, again and again, to make things work. You made me like this and now you have complained about it. Why don't you listen when I say just once?

Another day I was asking him, why you always keep me in pain. He replied, "I don't give you pain. I always do things whenever you ask for it". I said, why do I have to ask you every single time. This way you keep me in a painful situation. He kept silent. Because he knows it's true. Let me give you an example, before sleep, every night I have to ask him to brush his teeth. Otherwise, he won't. 

Bangladeshi mom

 I have seen moms love their children. In Bangladesh, moms will do everything for their boys. They will wake them up, prepare their dresses like cleaning, pressing etc, will make food for them if possible will feed them. They will try to know everything happening with them and will try to guide them to prevent them to mix with any wrong person, especially with girls. Their love has no boundary, no limit. But it is not without any selfishness. Moms don't want anybody who can take attention from their boys. She can tolerate their friends. But not his wife. Few moms don't want their boys to get married. Most of them agree to see them married because they need the next generation. But it doesn't mean the wife can take any money from their son. Mom wants everything. Boys heart, money and attention, everything. That's why moms raise their sons in a way that they will always depend on their mom. Moms Will keep doing emotional blackmails so that their attention won't go anywhere. The mom gives born so it's their property. These moms don't want or feel hesitant to take help from girls. No matter how rich their girls become, she likes to have everything from the boys. Girls are not her property, girls are for someone else.

Why is this situation? Mostly from tradition. Moms have seen their mom and mom-in-law, do the same. Why are they all doing so? In Bangladeshi culture, boys are responsible for their parents, moms. A girl gets born and raised in a family as some other family's property. After marriage, girls' parents have no right on their girls. The in-law family will take the girl's earnings and help. She can't help their own parents, that doesn't look good, or only when their in-laws give her permission to do so. She will be treated in the in-law as an outsider, so no love or care for her. But the girl's duty is to do everything and give all her earnings. Even her husband won't love and listen to her. He can't do or give anything to her if his mother doesn't like it. So, this girl has no one, neither parents nor in-laws to love. After giving birth she will get a son who can be her emotionally if she could make him be like that. Her girls will marry and go to another family. Now if somehow this boy doesn't look after her, not only by giving money but also by support emotionally, she has no one. In old age, she needs enough money to survive, and someone who will love her. So, how can she let her boys go? This way, this cycle is continuing.

I am a mother of a son too. I do everything for my son. It doesn't mean I don't want him to be independent. But my son is very lazy. He wants his mom or anyone who will do every work for him. Everyday mother-son argument happens, mostly because I ask him to do his own work. I want him to get marry soon and live his own life. I don't want to control him. I will help if they need any. Otherwise, I want them to live in their own way and stay happy always.

Biography 46: My dad's boss's son

Shafeen's work

 One day my dad came from work and he was very angry. He said someone put dirt on his car. Then he looked at me and told me, "Keep an eye on the car."

Our car uses to be parked at the roadside, in front of Tina's house. Because their house was at the front. We didn't get to the roadside house. Tina was the doctor's family's daughter. She was one year younger than me. So, I and Tina became alert. We started playing near the front area of Tina's house.

In the afternoon, we saw a bunch of boys (A little older than us) came on the road. They jumped up on our car and started singing and dancing on its body. I became very angry. They noticed two little girls were standing right beside the car. I told them, get down, now(In Bangla)! Maybe that hurt their boy's ego. They stopped jumping but didn't get down. Tina was very smart. She ran into our house to bring my dad. One of the boys, maybe the leader, told me something (In Arabic). Everyone laughed out loud. Well, that didn't make me feel good.

My dad came. He asked the boy (Leader) something. Then both of them talked (In Arabic), laughed and the boys left. I didn't expect that from my dad.

I and Tina looked at my dad with a question mark. Dad said, "He is our boss's son". Then he left too. Now we girls looked at each other.  What is in boss's son?

After that incident, those boys have never shown up. I don't know, what exactly happened between the two dads.

In this total incident, none of us scared that anything could happen to us. We always felt safe in that country (Saudi Arabia).

Biography 20: My younger sister born

 One day I noticed my older sister and other relatives were very excited about something. I didn't bother, even if I would bother, they won't tell me anyway. But this time, my sister came to me with some pictures. She told me this is your younger sister. I could see my mother is sitting on a chair (Very simple made of Iron. In those days people didn't use plastic chairs everywhere, they had these iron chairs for general use), wearing a red sharee (I like that sharee very much) and she was holding a baby looks like a potato. In another picture, the baby was in her bed, inside a mosquito net. Later my mom told us, the net was for flies. There were lots of flies over there. My mom also told us, in the desert area the weather is very dry. The baby's skin couldn't resist it, it was cracked and blood used to come out. So, my mom always kept her wet in Olive Oil. Among all siblings, this sister has a brighter skin colour. So, I always thought it was because of the olive oil. I wish my mom did that with me too :(

After having two girls, my dad really wanted a son this time. I heard from others that he told people, if he got a son this time, he will sacrifice a cow. Maybe Allah wanted to save a cow. So, not only this time but his next child (Child number 4) was also a daughter. Later, my 3rd sister became a doctor and 4th one became a dentist. Obviously, Allah wanted to give him more than what he wanted...

How will I give him a solution?

I never had a close friend, I am always very stupid to let go opportunities, I get hurt by people unnecessarily when I didn’t do anything wrong with them, I’m too honest that people can’t guess, My love is one-sided. But still I know I’m a person of a good heart.

I thought, maybe my son wouldn’t be like me. He is not like me. But still, he is facing some common big problem that I am facing. He doesn’t have any close friend, he let’s go his opportunities, he gets hurt by people without any reason. He is very honest, but people don’t get it. He is a very person.

Sometimes I felt, why did I bring on earth to face too much trouble? I don’t know how to overcome my problems; how will I teach him? He just must learn by himself. That’s what I am trying to teach him. Find the solution to your own problem, your mom won’t there for you always.

How could he think like that?

Once in a week my son attends the “Electric club” in his school. Now a day he is making traffic light with a battery. Didn’t get chance to see it as he said, he still has a little to finish it up.

Today he had the electric club day, so I didn’t show up in his school to pickup him on regular time. I was planning to go 45 minutes later, to give him enough time to complete his work in the club. After 30 minutes I have got a call from school. Shafeen called me, “Where are you?”.

I: “I am at home”

Son: “Why didn’t you come to pickup me?”

I: “Today you have the electric club, didn’t you go there?” (I was thinking he might have forgotten to go to that room)

Son: “No, that class has been canceled” (Previously, whenever this club class canceled, his class teacher emailed me. Today I didn’t get any news)

I: “OK, I am on my way. From next, if you have any class dismissed, please call me immediately.”

Son: “OK”

While I was driving back him to home, I asked, “What did you think, when you didn’t see me on time?” I was assuming he might though I am in trouble.

Son: “I THOUGHT YOU FORGET TO PICKUP ME”

I started thinking, how could he think like that. I never forget to pickup him up. How could he come up with this idea!

My priority

What will be my priority to do? I thought about it a lot. When I am at job, I give full focus in it. When I am at home, again, I try to give full focus on my home duties. But there are a lot left, like for our future goal, I must take initiative and be active and give focus on that. Most of all, I have a son. He is still too young to think by himself what should he do now. So, for his current and future life, I must make plan and must make sure, he is taking good food, having enough brain activity, learning all the necessary things that I want to him to be learned, taking bath, and brushing his teeth regularly etc. Truth is, I don’t have enough time for all as usual. Everyday, I had to make priority list in my mind and go with it, which means everyday there are a lot of work left, which push back to my to do list. Sometimes I feel really guilt about that. But again, which work should I do first? Which comes at my priority? I really feel good, when I can finish all the tasks, that I had to do for my son. Otherwise guilt feeling don’t let me stay well and my son faces troubles. Yes, my son is my priority.

Making friends.

My best friend, Shafeen.

Making friends is not my thing. If I say I don’t have any friend, will you believe that? I have friends in FB, in real world too. But They are not like with whom I can talk about anything, or ask anything from them, neither they do this with me. I never had close friend. Wait, I had, then he became my boyfriend and finally husband. Now father of my son. Now I have two friends in my life, my son, and his father. Because I have deeper relation with them. But if I look at my social life. I am antisocial person and I don’t have any friend. I like to talk with people, I like when they visit my house, and like to join them when they invite me. But somehow again, there is always a distance, and finally those people get away from my life. These things teach me, how to live alone, if there is no one to help you, help yourself. Live happy by yourself. It’s not that bad. People can survive without a friend. Though I never wanted to be like that.

This is why woman don’t want to let her son go

If I had little cough, my son (5 years old) run and bring me water. If I had headache, he sits beside me and put his hand on my head, to heal me. If I say, I am not feeling good, he stays beside me or play beside me to make me feel better. Whatever he eats, give me some to taste. He said, when he grow up, he won't work, but will do all work of me... may be because of these no woman likes her daughter in law. Because, after marry, his son's main love and focus goes to his wife. This should be. And a mother can't tolerate this. Because except her son, no one really take care of her, or give emphasis on her. So, she tries heart and soul to keep her son with her, and make the daughter in law look enemy to her son, because she has nowhere to go, except her son.

This thing should be change... woman should love her son, not rely her life on him. She should let him go and enjoy his own life. Woman should remember, he is her son, not part of body. He has his own life, like she should have. Love shouldn't kill other's life, it should let grow others too. If she really could make her son love her, he will always love his mom. Otherwise, mom should live her own life, without relying anyone else. Old home isn't a prisoner. It's a place where same age people can live together and enjoy their life in their own way... why should we bother others...

Good infrastructure

Everybody likes good infrastructure. Even my little son (4 years and 11 months) likes that. Today I get to know about it.

While coming back from school, sometimes I took a narrow and little dark road (between two buildings) to avoid traffic. But my son doesn't like that. Because of him, I always had to take main road. Today I took him to another side road, and surprisingly he was happy. He told me, see mom, this road is very good. Then I understood actually not because of darkness, my son didn't like that narrow road because of its bad construction. But few days back the road had been repaired well. So, today I show him that the road became good now. He is now happy. He said OK from now we will go toward that road too.

Khoka ghumalo, para juralo

Shafeen was 2 months and 23 days old.

When my son awakens, I couldn't do anything but looking after him. I had got some time to eat, bath or do other thing when he fall in sleep. On that moment the only poem comes in my mind is “khoka  ghumao, para juralo”, if I translate it, I can say “baby fall in sleep and area got relived”.