After my death

 When I found out a friend had died, thoughts about death came to my mind seriously. What will happen after my death to my son, how he will manage everything, etc. Though I have no control over any of it. Just trying to make things easy for my son.

He is still very young to understand my words. Maybe he will never understand his mother. I just tried to prepare him as much as I could. I can try, and I am doing that as efficiently as possible.

People who know me, I can only tell you. Please be helpful with him, help him to grow or live as he wants. If you ever liked me for a moment.

Biography 11: I have started irritating people

 Kids always know, what they want. If they can’t express it with words, they can cry loudly. I was like that child. I knew what I want then I tried my best to get it. Sometimes by crying, by lying or by stealing (Only from older sister).

 

Let I give you some examples, my parent took me to the children’s park (Shishu park). We all like to ride on the train. And I wanted to get a seat at the front cabin. Because that gives you the best scene. But that was already taken, everybody took other seats. But I was very strong with what I want. I didn’t get on the train and remain standing on the platform. So, my mom had to stand with me, the train left with all. On the next trip, I had got a chance to sit at the front with my mom and enjoy the ride.

 

I liked pickles very much. It’s a little different in Bangladesh than in Canada. It is very tasty. So, my mom uses to divide pickles among us by herself. I ate my part very fast and kept an eye on my sister’s part. After finishing my part, I use to take her part from her hand very quickly and eat it. She had nothing to do but cry.

 

I liked to tell stories. If I didn’t have anything to say, I had made it. Older people became confused, whether they will believe me or not.

 

I love to be loved. Everybody does. But as I told you, I kind of force to get it. So, I asked my family members to take me in their lap and have around in the area. That’s not enough. Then I didn’t want to get down. No one can keep me like that forever, but I started crying if they tried to put me down.

 

I like to run a lot and jump and climb up. Older people didn’t like my nonstop moving around the house. They all used to tell me the naughty girl. I had irritated every single people in my family and relatives.

 

I didn’t want to sleep; my family always get trouble to put me to sleep. My youngest uncle wonders, without sleeping how a kid lives like that.

 

My parents put me in a school a playground class. My first school was “Wills Little Flower School”. It wasn’t very near our house. My youngest aunt was mainly responsible to take us (I and my older sister) to the school. She always faces trouble with that. After dropping me into the class she came out of the school and found I came with her too.

 

I didn’t like to be seated inside the class. My teachers had to give me the treat to get my attention. At the end of the year, I failed in that class.

 

So, my popularity became 100% to 0% by the time I was 3 years old.

 

Later, I have changed totally. I had started sleeping a lot, stop talking, stop making friendship became very calm, stop asking for anything, always try to adjust what others won't, not seeking attention from anyone, play alone and even don’t like to ask what I should get, stop complaining, sacrifice for everyone, everything, let go of what I should have, became religious and don’t take any revenge etc.

 

Because I don’t like to see people unhappy or irritated with me. If you don’t want me, I will leave. I like to be happy.

 

My schoolteachers including the headmistress and relatives surprise a lot. They used to ask my mom, what happen with this girl.

আমি দেখি আমার কোন কিছুই ভালবাসি না (I don't like anything of me!)

একটা জায়গায় জিজ্ঞেস করা হয়েছে, আমি নিজের কোন বিষয়টা সবচেয়ে বেশি ভালবাসি. অনেক চিন্তা ভাবনা করেও কোন কিছু খুঁজে পাচ্ছিনা, যা নিয়ে আমি জোর গলায় কিছু বলতে পারি. আমি দেখি আমার কোন কিছুই ভালবাসি না. তাই তো বলি আমাকে কেউ পছন্দ করে না কেন. আমি নিজেই কোন গুন খুঁজে পাচ্ছিনা, অন্যে আর কি করে পাবে. :)

Somewhere it had been asked, what is the most amazing thing you have, that you like most. Well I thought a lot, but couldn't find anything. I surprised! I don't like anything of me! Hmm that's why nobody likes me. :)

Sea, I like its water…

I don’t know why I like water so much. When I was a kid, my mom said, I used to cry if they didn’t let me wash clothes and clean dishes. I liked those works because I could touch water as much as I wanted. My first visit to the sea was the Red Sea. I asked my parents many times to let me go into the water. They never agreed…

After that, my uncle took me with him to see The Bay of Bengal. Again, he didn't let me go into the water. He was afraid that if anything happened to me, his sis would kill him. But my aunt finally came to help me. She said, “Go into the water, I will talk with your uncle, you don’t have to be afraid of anyone. Just enjoy. I am here”. For the first time, I go into the sea water… What a feeling. On those days, I was studying in class 10.

Shafeen and basket

Shafeen playing inside his basket

Shafeen playing with nanu’s basket

Shafeen (my son) likes basket. If possible he put himself in it. He also like things which are in the basket. His regular job is to take his nanu’s (grandmother maternal) basket (where nanu use to keep her useful small things) and play with the things in it. I use to keep his toys inside a basket. Then I found everyday he drops all the toys on floor several times and sit in it. Now I clear my bookshelf for him and keeping his toys in it. It had given me, a better situation.

আমার হাতের তৈরি খাবার, চেখেও কি দেখলো না? (Didn't it like my hand made food?)

Shafeen, feeling smart.

যখন দাওয়াত করি তখন সব সময়ই চেষ্টা করি খাবার যেন সাধ্য মতো ভাল হয়। মেনুতে যেন সব ধরনের খাবার থাকে। যাতে কারো একটা পছন্দ না হলেও আরেকটা খেতে পারে। পরিমান যেন প্রয়োজনের চেয়ে খানিকটা বেশি থাকে। কারো যেন কম না পড়ে। অল্পের উপর দিয়ে কোন মতে খাওয়ানো আমার পছন্দ না। তাই বলে কেউ এরকম করলে খারাপ মনে করি তা নয়। যে যেভাবে যা করে, সেটা তার ব্যাপার।

এবার বিশেষ জনের জন্য খাবারের ব্যবস্থা করেছি। সে দুদিন চুরি করে লুচি আর রুটি খেয়েছে। তাই ময়দায় সামান্য পানি দিয়ে মন্ড তৈরি করে তার উপর টেস্টি বিষ (খেয়ে দেখেনি, উপরে লেখা ছিল) মিশালাম। তারপর তার ঘরে ঢোকার দুইটি প্রিয় জায়গায় পরিবেশন করলাম, প্লাসটিকের প্লেটে। আশা করেছিলাম মহাশয় খেয়ে না হলেও চেখে দেখবেন। কিন্তু তার আর ছায়াও দেখছি না। বুঝলাম না কি হলো, খেলো না এমনিতেই খাবার নষ্ট হচ্ছে? রুটি ভেজে দেইনি বলে কি পছন্দ হলো না? এ যে খাবার নিয়ে এতো বাছ বিচার করে সেটা আমি কি করে জানব? কে আবার, আমার ঘরের নতুন মেহমান ইদুরের কথা বলছিলাম আরকি :(

Whenever I invite anyone, I try to make food as good as possible. Try to keep all items so that if they didn't like any one item, can take another. Try to keep the amount of food little more than it needed. Any one shouldn't feel shortage of food. I don’t like to feed people just something and let it done. But I don’t mind if others do so, everyone has their own way.

This time I prepare food for an especial one. It had stolen both luchi (fried bread) and ruti (bread) in last few days. So I make dough of flour then put tasty poison (didn't taste it, it was written on the packet) on it. Then serve them on plastic plate and put those on its favorite two entrances. But don’t know where it went. Didn't it like my home made food? Or didn't like it that I didn't fried it. I didn't know that this creature makes this much trouble on food. Yes, I am talking about the mouse the latest unwanted guest in my house.

Fly with a balloon

We like to fly, fly like a bird. And we are human can’t fly like that. In my childhood I liked to swing (I still like). I felt I am flying. Then I fly with an airplane, where I always scare while going up and landing. But I liked to see things from a plane from up high. I wish someday I will fly with balloon. Then maybe I can enjoy the flying more smoothly and clearly.

I have watched the animation film “UP”, where an old man flies with his own home. I like the idea. I wish I could do the same J

Shafeen’s box

Shafeen on his birthday cake box, was 3 years old

Shafeen on my printer's packet, 4 years 11 months old

Shafeen likes boxes. He likes to play inside it, take food, sleep etc. Sometimes he brought his on the bed and tells me, ‘I will sleep in it on the bed”. He plays with it until it tore apart. I wish someday I could give him a toy house or tree house.