Watching, following

 As far as I have seen, most people are scared of management. If they knew management was nearby or watching them, they started working, showed more dedication, sometimes acted like they were working a lot or showing off, and gave unnecessary advice to others to show leadership power, etc. They don't like management to look after their work.

I never felt troubled if management checked my work. Actually, I felt good about it. Because I work diligently whether anyone is watching or not. I don't waste time. So, if I found management is watching my work, I felt good, at least someone would know that I am working. Otherwise, I never go somewhere and give a list to show what I have done.

Now a day technology improved. Without any warning, the government of any corporation can actually see you, hear you and follow you. My question is: if they are biased and form the wrong impression of me, or do anything wrong to me, who will fix it? How much do I support being watched 24 hours a day?

Biography 323: Life teaches us to lose

 So many things I thought I could never have, but life turned out in a way that I have them. These situations made me think that maybe I can achieve anything I try.

But life has more to teach me. Now I know, whether I like it or not, whether I want it or not, whatever is meant to happen will happen.

I'd better try to adjust and live with it. It doesn't mean I won't try to make things better. I won't give up. And then whatever I get, I try to live with it happily. In life, we need to learn to lose. If you win every time, you will forget the taste of winning.

Biography 318: Cars in my life.

 My parent bought their first car in Saudi Arabia. It's very common there for people to buy cars for personal use. They also bought their next car in Saudi Arabia. Then, when they settled in Bangladesh, my father had a motorcycle from the office. Later, he bought his own bike. When I started working, my dad bought a car for his own use. Later, I started using it and said I was ready to pay its expenses so I could use it like my own. But dad didn't want that. So I left it.

I bought my first car in Saskatchewan, Canada, and my second in the same province. Both vehicles had served very well. Later, I purchased my 3rd car from Ontario. This car has given me more trouble than I can imagine. So my 4th car has to be better.

Life goal

 There have been many times when I have found myself in situations where I needed to change my career, life, or anything else. That may be why I have changed my educational and career path 360 degrees, not just once, but a couple of times.

I wanted to stand still and grow, but life is very strange, dynamic, and it changed its path for me.

I'm no longer afraid of surprises and difficulties. No matter what comes my way, I'll enjoy it. No matter how much trouble arises in my life, I will try to handle it with my own strength and luck, then accept the outcomes. I actually don't have many options.

Never lose your hope

 When you know someone is going to frame you, you see how they set everything against you. No matter what you do, you might still face trouble or not get what you expected, but never lose hope. You never know how Allah can change everything in a moment. Don't let others change your attitude. Be yourself and keep doing good work. InshaAllah, you will live your life in peace and enjoy your moments happily ever after.

And for your own mental peace, forgive them. Allah might give you something better than revenge.

Biography 272: Majo Khala (My aunt, maternal)

 Majo Khala was my mom's second sister. My mom is in third place among sisters. My grandparents' maternal looks were very different. My grandma was a small, dark-skinned woman, and my grandpa was a tall, fair-skinned man. Mejo Khala was a small and dark-skinned woman, and my mom was fair and tall. My mom said that when people come to choose a bride, they often select my mom instead of mejo khala. It's a South Asian tradition that boys' parents visit the girl's home to see the girl, and if they like her, then the marriage proposal begins.

My older aunt (my mother's older sister) said mejo khala had a very cute face and dark curly hair, like a flower. But South Asian grooms like fair skin. So, my grandparents faced lots of problems for her marriage. So, when a rich family wanted to marry her, our grandparents became very happy and, like other parents, made a big mistake. They were pleased that they had got a groom from a big family, so didn't care to look for more information about the groom. So, in the end, my mejo khala suffered.

In South Asia, all families wanted their bride to work at home for everyone and take care of everything. They don't help her. They believe it's her duty, and she should be happy that she could become a bride of that family. People will be happy to see a mother holding a baby and doing work. No one will go and help her by holding the baby or doing the work.

Mejo khala had 2 sons and 2 daughters. Her daughters were twins. After having a baby, she couldn't find the time to care for her baby. She had to cook for the whole family. The babies used to cry all day. In the rain, they cry and try to crawl on mud to come to their mom. This is how one of my baby daughters became very sick and finally died.

My mejo khala couldn't take this anymore. She cried to her parents. Our grandparents took her back home. I must say they made a very strong decision about their daughter. In South Asia, parents never like to take their daughters back, no matter how much a girl suffers. She had to live with their in-laws.

Majo Khala started living with her parents, and no one in society liked that. Her own siblings also hurt her many times through words. But she was a quite nice lady by nature. She silently stayed and kept helping her parents and, many times, her siblings.

When I was born, my older sister became very sick. Doctors didn't have hope that she would be alive. My parents did everything that anyone suggested. In that situation, my mother didn't have time to look after me. So, my mojo khala came to our house and took care of me and the family. My mother said she couldn't save any of the girls if her sister didn't hold everything in strong hand and take care of me.

Later, she came to visit our house many times. She always brought homemade Bangladesh cake (Pitha) and fruits from her garden. Sometimes, she tried to make jokes with me, but I never understood them and became angry. I thought she was making fun of me.

She liked very spicy food. When she cooked, we had to remind her not to add spice.

When her older son started sending her money from Saudi Arabia, where he used to work, she became delighted. She started lending money to others. Everybody asked her to save money for her future.

She has been staying with her second son in the last few days. I pray to Allah to forgive her and give her Jannat, give her a peaceful after life.

Opportunities

 In life, you will notice that opportunities never come alone. When there is no opportunity, you have nothing. When you start getting some, it is not only one. It will come one after another. It happens for every kind of opportunity.

The most trouble you will face when it comes to the issue of choosing a life partner and career opportunities. I don't want to compare humans with jobs. Just trying to give an example of how they come.

The least good will come first. When you get that, others will start appearing.

Only people who love themselves, can be strong enough to say no, and can be selfish for themselves are the ones who can make the right decision.

Otherwise, if you are stupid and honest like me, you will only accept and stick with those who came first or with whom you made an agreement. But in the end, you will find that those you have chosen are not giving you any value. They will leave you at their first chance, both love one and job.

Living in separately.

 In Bangladesh, it is a tradition that mother-father and grandparents (paternal) will live with their boys, even after they get married. The boy's wife will be responsible to take care of all and tolerating everyone's tantrum.

People show they are very happy. Only actually, no one is happy. The relations between them have become bitter and worse. Most of the bride faces mental issues because of this. The boy is always with his parents and grandparents, so he never understands the bride's problems.

I never wanted to live with anyone else except my immediate family. I told my son that after marriage, you must live with your wife separately. We can live near an apartment or house if you need help (like taking care of kids and other staff). But we have to let your wife live life independently.

I felt happy for all.

 If you look around online, everybody is happy. Some have a new job, some have a promotion, some have visited new places, and some are happy because they have met their friends and family. I feel happy for everyone. I don't compare myself with anyone. Everybody has their own achievements and their own life stories.

No one shows how scared they are. How did they spend their time in life? So, everyone is happy.

I used to believe that when people said they were happy. But when I know them better, I see how much they suffer daily.

So, when anyone shows happiness, I feel happy for them. At least in one matter, they are delighted. I don't want any sorrow in anyone's life, neither mine. Watching others' troubles never made me happy. No matter how much I dislike them.

Biography 250: Never settled

 I am a person who wants to settle down, or you can say nested, have a permanent earning source, own a permanent address and a vehicle, and live a decent life.

But my luck doesn't support this. In Dhaka, Bangladesh, I have lived in 5 places; none was mine. In Saudi Arabia, I lived in 3 places in two cities. In Canada, I lived in 4 places in two cities. All rented. 

I had my father's car in Bangladesh for a couple of months, then he took it back. In Canada, I bought 3 cars (after selling the previous one). All were second-hand.

I don't have a permanent job; I never had one.

Sometimes, I wondered what Allah wanted me to do. Live in more places, do different jobs, and buy more cars (After selling the previous one)? Why can't I settle down? Maybe I will have to see more people, join more organizations, have more homes, and live in different countries or areas. Maybe I still didn't do what I was supposed to do. Or should I just retire?

Biography 198: IT companies from 2000 to 2005

 This was the time when IT companies in Bangladesh started developing. Bangladeshi people like to follow each other and compete with each other. Without thinking whether it is right or wrong. When in 2000 people first started using the internet, getting to understand about websites, emails, and messages, IT companies started developing like mushrooms beside the lakes.

Some of those companies don't have any capital to survive just for a month. Somehow, they manage to buy two computers, put them in a room, and hire a programmer and a designer. There is no one for sales or marketing. They hope the company will run and make them millionaires.

After one month they stopped giving wages to their employees and expected them to work for them for months without any payment.

Then after 3 three months, the programmer will see, that someone is taking out the fans, someone the computer, because the company didn't pay them fully.

I started my career in those days. I learned that I expended more when I didn't have any job, only searching, preparing and giving interviews.

My career started during this time. I didn't fear at all. Because I was living with my parents. I just needed my pocket money. Whenever I saved an amount, I expended it by travelling somewhere. Sometimes with family members, sometimes with friends, sometimes with known people and sometimes with unknown people.

So, my bank balance was always 0.

But I never stayed in the minus amount. I always paid everywhere from my own pocket.

As long as you are moving.

Whichever works for you as long as you are moving.

I heard somewhere if you can't run, walk. But keep moving. We face much trouble in our life. It's not a shame that we fall, or get hurt. But as long as you get up and keep moving, it's ok.

Just don't let anything stop you. Life is more beautiful than you can ever imagine. Keep moving. Help others; if you can't, at least give them a smile. Even that can make someone's time better.

After my death

 When I found out a friend had died, thoughts about death came to my mind seriously. What will happen after my death to my son, how he will manage everything, etc. Though I have no control over any of it. Just trying to make things easy for my son.

He is still very young to understand my words. Maybe he will never understand his mother. I just tried to prepare him as much as I could. I can try, and I am doing that as efficiently as possible.

People who know me, I can only tell you. Please be helpful with him, help him to grow or live as he wants. If you ever liked me for a moment.

Like a tree

 After years of observation I found my self like a tree. I give people as much as I can, even when they might not ask for it. 

I also want many things in my life, which I never ask. If any one noticed my situation and helps me, then only I enjoyed that. Otherwise I might have expend my life without having that help or thing.

A safer way to live

 One thing I like about this Covid-19 pandemic is using masks. I know no one will agree with me. Even I can't wear a mask all the time in public places.

Let me explain; before the pandemic, I always felt terrible when someone sneezed near me or had a foul mouth odour. Despite of taking flu shots every year, I had to suffer from the cold.

Except for the pandemic years. Now I feel better when I go out with a mask. Sometimes I found only myself wearing a mask. Because I like it, it is a safer way to live.

Biography 133: My college life

 I came from a middle-class family. I don't have any friends from a higher class. They always cut me off from the beginning. I never felt comfortable with them. Mainly because their subject of talking goes over my head. I am not a person who talks to please someone. Which rich people generally don't like.

In Viqarunnisa college (Grade 11 and 12) I found a different situation. Most of the girls came from rich families. Their culture and world are totally different.

I remember in our orientation assembly a teacher pointed at me and say something to principal Hamida Ali. She shake her head in denial and the teacher stop saying anything but gave me a look.

I understood very clearly. I was the only one who was wearing a hijab inside the college. Maybe they were thinking it was a women's college, so why I was still wearing it. My point was we have lots of workers and some teachers who are male. So, I should keep it.

In the class there is always a group, who are very loud, don't care about other girls and keep doing whatever they like. In Bangla kind of gunda bahini. They didn't like me because I wasn't someone who showed any extra respect to them.

As I told you I was exceptional in look because of my hijab. So, everybody somehow keeps watching me. They made me feel like I came from a different planet. Some asked, do you wear this at home, do you wear it in front of family members, do you wear them when you take a bath, what do you do in the bathroom, etc. Sometimes I answered, sometimes I became speechless with the questions of these rich Muslims. These girls only knew after death they will need a Moulana to process to go to the grave.

That gunda girls use to make fun of me. They use to laugh loudly. I kept my poker face. But deep inside, I was bullied and ruined.

I felt I am in the wrong place. I am a quiet type of person, but these people made me totally shut down. I just went to college and wait when can I come back home. I was never good in study, but the situation make me totally out of the textbook. Because those remind me of my college.

Our college had so many opportunities to do extra curriculum activity, I never think to try them, I even didn't try to know the options. I felt those are for that kind of girl, I won't fit anywhere.

I remember someone asked me about a girl, she said, she also studies in the Viqarunnisa, she looks like this, etc. I even didn't try to figure out who this was, I knew I don't know anyone. So, with a name or description, I am not going to recognize anyone. Later I understood she was talking about a girl who sits just beside me! I even don't know her name. The girl was surprised and looked at me in shock for 1 minute.

My life became a mess. I didn't do good in HSC. I had got somehow 67% marks. That gave some impact on my university study.

I have expended my worse time in life in this college.

Let's see

 Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make things perfect, something went wrong. I mean huge things.

I was thinking, why? Maybe Allah wants me to stay away from these.

How many times I will keep changing my way?

Maybe that is my way, keep changing...

Let's see, let's see...

I don't know how long I have time, to see it.

There are so many things that I wanted to do, so many places I wanted to go...

Let's see, let's see...

I believe whatever is meant for me, will come (Good or bad).

Just watching

 No matter how many times I try to get away from troubles or some specific trouble if they are meant to come to me, they will. They always find their ways. I am tired of fighting. Now just "wait and see" time is going on. Let it be. Let's see how much I can bear and how long I can survive. 

Age is just a number

For some people, age is just a number. I have seen those people, they go to market, travel to different places, enjoy time with friends, kids, neighbours or just with strangers. They laugh a lot, they dance. If you see them with somebody, you may think, oh for long years they are having this relationship, now grown old. Actually, they just meet and started enjoying each other's company.

If you think these people don't have any physical pain or mental stress, then you are wrong. These people know how to overcome or ignore negativity and enjoy the positiveness in life.

I have stopped counting my age after 23. Now a day if anyone asks my age, I had to start counting. I really don't remember my age. I don't think it's necessary. I just like to live my life.

Canadian lifestyle

 I always choose simple life. I mean relaxed life. Actually, that's the only way I can live. I have done 3 jobs at a time to earn money. Within 3 months I had to go to the hospital. 

In Canada, people sometimes do 5 jobs at a time. The cost is very high and people want to live, not just survive. All costs are too high without any reason or just to make the rich people richer.

As I want to live a simple relaxed life. I am doing only one job (Low pay) and living hand to mouth. I don't know how long I can survive this way. Maybe my earning will someday push me to any small town. 

I don't like to live this way. When I was in Bangladesh I never looked at the price. I just look for those things what is necessary, then choose the best quality one and buy. Now I don't think about the quality. I looked at the price and even to save one cent, I choose low-quality products.

This is a very common life in Canada. If you don't do any high collar job, you have to work like a machine. Or live a life like mine.