Not intentionally

 I was very irritated with someone. I told them, "You can write a book called 'How to Irritate Shahana in 101 Ways.'" It seems my words hurt them. They replied, "I don't do it intentionally." But things didn't improve much.

How to avoid negative people

 There is a saying, "If you feel any negative vibe from anyone, ignore them. Choose your inner peace." 

Nothing wrong with this saying. But if I try to do so, I would have to live on this earth alone because everybody I knew had hurt or irritated me at one point. 

In Bangla, there is a proverb, "Thog bachhte gaon ujar." (To skip the fraud, we had to remove everyone in the village.)

Be cautious about what you hear.

 We know people talk. Generally, I don’t care about what negative things people say (Negative) about me or anyone else. Maybe, since I can’t make them stop, I just ignore them. I always try to follow my own rules. I try to judge whether I am doing the right thing or not, and then decide what to do. I never try to follow others. If anyone suggests I do something, I will always consider it. If I feel it is good, I will do it; if not, I will just ignore it. I never try to stop people who spread gossip about me. I just don’t feel I need to do anything about it. I don’t have time for that. I like to concentrate on my own work.

Personally, I don’t say anything negative about others. I expect others to do the same. I am a bit of a religious person. So I depend on Allah. I hope He will show me the path and help me in every step I take.

I have noticed that when someone shares negative comments about an unknown person as an introduction, it can give you a bad impression of them without you knowing anything about them. If you don’t get a chance to get to know them, this misunderstanding will continue. You might even pass this misconception along to others, too. 

So, the reality is that you will always have opinions from others, and their views may influence your thoughts in ways you never considered. In that situation, it becomes challenging to make the right decision. 

Be careful about what people say.

Everybody has something positive in them.

 I focus on positivity in everything, especially when I don't like some people. I know they must have something positive, which is challenging to find out from my side. My anger and irritation cover up their positive qualities. Even if I couldn't find any, I still believe they have some positivity.

How long does it take to ruin a woman's image?

 How long does it take to ruin a woman's image in society? If you say something about her character, it will take only 4 seconds.

People won't believe it immediately if you say anything good about her. They will be wondering, can it be true, maybe, or you are getting some benefits that make you say good about her?

People will immediately believe those lies if you say something bad about her. They might know the woman very well, but they won't hesitate to believe anything bad about her.

People can be so quiet about their pain

"People can be so quiet about their pain that you forget they are hurting. That is why it is so important to always be kind."

If you observe, you will find most of the people you know are in pain, but they never let others know that. Others can see only their happy faces. So, just be kind to people. One simple smile or a nice word can make others' day. 

You never know who is going through what situation. We just used to take others' help or support. We never thought that they needed something from us too. Let's be nice to everyone. Whether we felt they deserve it or not.

Appreciate good people; they are hard to find.

"Appreciate good people; they are hard to find."

If you are an organization's owner or manager, take a closer look at your organization. Who is actually running your company? Who's input actually gives long-time success and keeps you living in peace. You will see they are honest, dedicated people. You can bring an intelligent, fast person, they might show you some upgradation, but in the long run, you can't depend on them. You know, they are smart, they can take your company from you or may lick information to other company and move over there. They work smartly but need to be more delicacy. You need to run your company steadily. You can't rely on them.

Even in your personal life. You need good people; don't just let them go if you find any. They are hard to find.

People make time for you when they are alone

"People don't make time for you when you are alone; they make time for you when they are alone."

It's a busy life. Everyone is busy with their work, study or any other staff. And sometimes we miss people we like. Generally, I don't communicate with people without any reason. They might be busy, and I may interrupt or disturb them in their work. So, I let them contact me in their own time. I will adjust my time for them.

Money doesn’t change people

“Money doesn’t change people; it just lets the people be more what they really are.”

We always hear that money speaks; money changes relations and people. Is it true? It sounds true. But are they? NO.

Most people don't do things, not because they shouldn't. But because they don't have the opportunity to do that. Money opens up many opportunities. Then it's the person's choice what they will do with it. And most of the time, you will find, people are engaging with the negative things. When they had the full opportunity to do many good things.

Money didn't change them, just let them be more than what they really wanted to be.

Handle people who mishandled you

"Sometimes, the most crucial test is how you quietly handle those who people so badly mishandled you."

Put your concentration on yourself, not on anyone else. Upgrade yourself with new skills, beautification, etc. And try to make your career and home better. Enjoy your present time, don't waste it by thinking about others who don't deserve you.

It doesn't matter whether they started feeling jealous, tried to communicate with you, got in trouble, or their luck didn't stay with them. Who cares?

Live your life happily. Create and find your own happiness. Rest... let them go and don't bother about their life. One of my friend use to say in Bangla " Dure giya mor". It means, "Go away, then whether you do or die, I won't bother."

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention“

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.“

You will often see people raising their voices in a poorly known meeting. People show off to be rich, sophisticated, wise, beautiful etc. These people always do something to get others' attention. The reality is whoever is really wise doesn't look for attention. They know who they are and work according to their knowledge.

We know a very little

 An intelligent person understands many things, which makes them feel so confident that they think they understand everything. Maybe one in a million will misunderstand. They will never understand that. If you try to make them understand, they will get annoyed. 

In the end, if somehow they get it that they were wrong, that won't make them feel sorry. They will believe they were right, somehow the situation went wrong.

The truth is, the more you learn, the more you understand how little we actually know...

Don't underestimate your instinct

Everything can't be managed or ruled by the government. Everything can't be ruled by others, everything can't be managed by friends or someone else. Sometimes you have to take control of yourself. Take control of wherever things needed to be controlled.

Many of us are like sheep. If one goes in a path, the rest of us will follow. We are human, every person has a different way of thinking and understanding. It doesn't mean every person will walk in different directions. It means never let your guard down. Follow people, when you know, they are right. Blind trust isn't good for any, except dictators.

When your instinct says something, check it out.

Don't lose anything

 I don't lose anything. OK, generally I don't lose anything. When I lost anything, I don't search. I know, it will come back to me by itself. Let me give you some examples. I have true evidence.

yesterday I have lost my hair clip. Please don't laugh. I can start with a simple example. I looked at my bed, it wasn't there neither on my dressing table. I stopped looking for it. Because I knew it will come to me by itself. The next day when I was preparing dinner I found it on the rice cooker. I generally don't touch my hair while cooking, I don't know how it went there, but I'm happy that I found it.

If I don't like any place, I never say that I won't come back here again. Because if I say so, it is a must that I will go back there. It happened to me so many times, that I stay alert on this issue. This thing happened to me about some people too. My life put me in front of them. I'm sure none of us wanted to meet ever.

When I was in grade 5, I use to wear a frock (Uniform) with two pockets. I use to put coins in it to buy something in my break. At the end of the school ground, there was a small shop with cheap products for kids. I use to run to the shop. One day I came back running on the ground and then I saw, I have lost 50 Poisa (Cents). The school ground is quite big and full of grasses. But I can't accept that I had lost something. I had started searching and within 2 seconds I found it. It's a miracle but I knew, I won't lose anything.

There was a huge crowd in front of a window to collect admission forms for admission in Viqarunnisa College. I had taken my form then went out from the main gate and realize, I have lost my pen. I went inside and start looking on the ground. I asked the girls to move a little to check the ground. Girls looked at me with a big surprise when I found my pen within a minute.

But, I'm looking for some people for a long time. Not exactly looking, but deep inside waiting to meet with them. Maybe someday my luck will let me meet with them. I don't know. People and things are not the same. 

We judge

 

We judge people, intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes we judge them by their name, dress, work etc. Then based on our judgement, we put our own expectations. Especially in competition. If that person can't stand our expectation, we became angry, sad, irritated. Not on our judgment, but on that person. We started thinking that person is wrong, they couldn't come up with our expectations. 

We never think, that our judgment can be wrong. We believe that our thinking is best for them. We know what can make that person happy. The truth is we may not reach that person's satisfactory level. Maybe that person is doing something for some other reason, which we don't know, or can't think about. We never think, what may make us happy, may not good enough for others. They want something else which we don't think important.

 Let me give you an example. When we see a couple's picture, we started judging, this is not a good match. Because their culture doesn't match, their beauty is not matching, their social status, job or for our own benefit or anything else. But can you see that couple's heart? How happy are they with each other? Is your satisfaction more important than couples?

If they break up then you will say, Yes, I knew it. Excuse me, maybe they had a very enjoyable moment that you can never think about or never had. Now for their own good they had decided to stay apart. Your life, enjoyment has nothing to do with their life. Let them be happy, either by staying with or without.

We better keep our nose out from other's personal happiness. No matter how close friends we are. Because the same thing can happen with us by other's judgement.

Biography 11: I have started irritating people

 Kids always know, what they want. If they can’t express it with words, they can cry loudly. I was like that child. I knew what I want then I tried my best to get it. Sometimes by crying, by lying or by stealing (Only from older sister).

 

Let I give you some examples, my parent took me to the children’s park (Shishu park). We all like to ride on the train. And I wanted to get a seat at the front cabin. Because that gives you the best scene. But that was already taken, everybody took other seats. But I was very strong with what I want. I didn’t get on the train and remain standing on the platform. So, my mom had to stand with me, the train left with all. On the next trip, I had got a chance to sit at the front with my mom and enjoy the ride.

 

I liked pickles very much. It’s a little different in Bangladesh than in Canada. It is very tasty. So, my mom uses to divide pickles among us by herself. I ate my part very fast and kept an eye on my sister’s part. After finishing my part, I use to take her part from her hand very quickly and eat it. She had nothing to do but cry.

 

I liked to tell stories. If I didn’t have anything to say, I had made it. Older people became confused, whether they will believe me or not.

 

I love to be loved. Everybody does. But as I told you, I kind of force to get it. So, I asked my family members to take me in their lap and have around in the area. That’s not enough. Then I didn’t want to get down. No one can keep me like that forever, but I started crying if they tried to put me down.

 

I like to run a lot and jump and climb up. Older people didn’t like my nonstop moving around the house. They all used to tell me the naughty girl. I had irritated every single people in my family and relatives.

 

I didn’t want to sleep; my family always get trouble to put me to sleep. My youngest uncle wonders, without sleeping how a kid lives like that.

 

My parents put me in a school a playground class. My first school was “Wills Little Flower School”. It wasn’t very near our house. My youngest aunt was mainly responsible to take us (I and my older sister) to the school. She always faces trouble with that. After dropping me into the class she came out of the school and found I came with her too.

 

I didn’t like to be seated inside the class. My teachers had to give me the treat to get my attention. At the end of the year, I failed in that class.

 

So, my popularity became 100% to 0% by the time I was 3 years old.

 

Later, I have changed totally. I had started sleeping a lot, stop talking, stop making friendship became very calm, stop asking for anything, always try to adjust what others won't, not seeking attention from anyone, play alone and even don’t like to ask what I should get, stop complaining, sacrifice for everyone, everything, let go of what I should have, became religious and don’t take any revenge etc.

 

Because I don’t like to see people unhappy or irritated with me. If you don’t want me, I will leave. I like to be happy.

 

My schoolteachers including the headmistress and relatives surprise a lot. They used to ask my mom, what happen with this girl.

How to make people listen

When you are in management, you must know how to make people work, what needed to be done. Sometimes you will feel that if you do it, it will be done in much better way. But remember, you have limited time, you have another task to do. And, other people also must learn to work.

It’s not easy to make people work in time and efficiently. Some people are very honest and dedicated in their work. If you teach them how the work supposes to be done, they will always follow that. But some are not like that. They may don’t want to follow your instruction, want to put you down, or just lazy.

 Some people don’t need to be told, they know what they must do, and they make it happen. Again, some people are not like that, you must ask them to do it, other wise they will think, you didn’t notice so they can escape the work.

Some listen after one reminding. Some need to be told again and again. Few people are more disturbing, you must work them, other wise they won’t work.

As a manager you must know, with whom you can relay. It’s difficult to run a business with lazy and dishonest people. But this is the real world, you must live with them.

Personally, I don’t like to ask people more than once to do any task. Especially at home, I ask once. If that person listens, fine. Otherwise If I can make time, I will do it by myself, if can’t then let it be unfinished.

In work, I will suggest finding a way, which people will listen, try to change work responsibility, add some reward. I listen to people, so that they will listen to me too. These tips may work.

Some people are not ready take help

Sometimes it is very difficult to help stupid people. Please don’t get me wrong, I am a stupid too. But that’s not my today’s topic.

No matter how many times, how many ways you help a stupid, they will always feel doubt on you. And they will believe in their enemy who make them happy with some sweet words. Some people just don’t want to see who are actually always been there for them, they just carry out with their feelings.

In these cases, you can only watch and say, I tried but you are not ready to take my help

একা চলতে শিখো (Learn how to walk alone)

এবার নতুন বছরের শুরতেই নিজেকে বললাম, একা চলতে শিখো। যে পাশে থাকার, সে থাকবে, যে চলে যেতে চায়, সে চলে যাবে, যে ক্ষনিকের মোহে আসে, সে ক্ষনিক মুহুর্তই থাকবে। তুমি চলো তোমার মতো. যে আপনার, সে আপনি এসে ধরা দিবে।

At the beginning of this year 2015, I told myself, that you have to learn to walk alone. Who wants to stay beside you, will stay, who want to leave you, will leave, those, whose liking are temporary, they will stay for a very short time. So, you should walk of your own. Who is yours will come to you by themselves.  

Things can be explained without hurting anyone

We all like to live together. And we might have many similar thoughts with some differences. Every people think s/he is right. Now, in which judgment you will say you are right? There will always be some different opinion. You just can’t put your judgment on other. Yes, you can bring in front the topic and show your logic. But people do it in their own way, mostly with anger and slang.

My word is you can’t hurt anybody even with your language. Things can be presented in good way… no matter what it is… just make sense what you want to say in good manner. Learn how to talk, without hurting anyone. You know, when anyone hurts you, you also feel the pain…