A correct decision could be wrong if you take it late.

In life, timing is crucial, as even a correct decision can be wrong if made too late. It's essential to recognize what needs to be done and when and to take action in the present moment. Refraining from past mistakes or worrying about the future can be counterproductive.

Living in the moment and embracing whatever life offers can be challenging but rewarding. It's important to keep trying and striving for this mindset.

Decision-making is a significant aspect of life, and while we may not have control over everything, we do have control over our choices and reactions. Ultimately, we will be held accountable for our actions and plans rather than what others have done to us.

Most of the time, situations change with time. So, something might be right to do now, but that could be the worse decision after some time. So, a decision which was right in the past will not necessarily be correct in the next generation.

Biography 145: Decision on marriage

[From my own observation and thinking]

When a girl started thinking about marriage, from the school level, I had some different thoughts. 

I have observed many married couples. And all of them looked very happy at first sight. But if you watch them deeply or spend some time with them a little longer, you will see the black side of their relationship. And that made me think if no woman is happy with marriage then why should I go for it?

I always tried to stay away from cooking. I have seen how difficult it was for women. Traditionally in Bangladesh kitchen was built in a small room. No good air flowing in that room, because they needed to keep the fire on properly, and no comfortable furniture in there, because women will use it, our society didn't think about their comforts. No fan, No AC (not even they think about it). It's a very hot place and if you know how Bangladeshi foods are made, they took a very long time for both preparation and cook. A woman has to spend most of her daily time in the kitchen. And that was the second poor room in the house. First is the washroom.

[Both the kitchen and washroom system is changing in the Bangladeshi lifestyle. Because of media, people take kitchen beautification seriously and wealthy families make their kitchen very well technology. Some men started cooking too. But mostly still needed to fix. Thought about women's position in life, are almost the same.] 

I have seen men use to say, women should be in the kitchen. Like that is one of the worse places in the house, and a woman should stay there. My mind didn't accept it. I started avoiding learning cooking. If I don't know it well, no one will want me to stay over there. That's the logic. My mom and other female family members say, no matter how much you study, no matter how big an officer you become, you have to go to the kitchen (Like a punishment room). From deep inside I said no. Then I better not get married, I am not marriage material. Let's keep boys out of my life.

In school I have seen girls becoming interested in boys, they are looking for the perfect one. I didn't know any interest in their issues. Then in college, many girls had boyfriends, and they use to run away from college, sometimes from home for their met. I have no problem with that. Your life, enjoy the way you want to. I am not getting married, I don't want to play with any boy's mind or body. I better not concentrate on these, and I didn't.

My university life was very cheerful and funny without boys. That doesn't mean I didn't encourage my friends to have a boyfriend. I gave all my support to their loved on. 

Sometimes people used my name to make their path clear, like if they said, Shahana is going over there too, all parents use to give permission to go to that place. I have a lot of trust in my life, and Allah knows, I never break those.

I told my friends, don't let your parent ask me anything because then I will tell them the truth.

The way it sounds, my no boys in life isn't that easy. As I always avoided boys, I didn't learn how to make myself look better, I mean to put on makeup, and dress up, I never bother about that. Just did whatever made me comfortable and feel better.

I didn't learn how to make a man happy, even didn't know how to do sex. Because I never discuss it with anyone, never curious enough to check online (the Internet wasn't available at my young age)

My family, relatives and friends put me under lots of pressure to get married. Staying single is not a very common thing in our society.

To save myself, I had to put lots of excuses. Like before completion of my study and getting into a job I can't marry, This man is from that district, and will not be a good match for a girl from Dhaka, doesn't have hair, is too wealthy, has bad earnings, not enough tall, put a ring on my finger which looked like an engagement ring, change paths to go somewhere so that who were waiting on the road don't get to see me and many more.

If any of my friends brought any relation, I had to threaten them to stop this, or I have to break up my friendship.

But emotional pressure became very difficult for me to tolerate. Deep inside I am a human too. I gave my younger sister marriage before me. All relatives and known people made a very bad impression about it on my mom, like how could she do it with me and she passes those to me.

And some boys put good logic and emotional pressure on me that make me think maybe I could come up with something in the middle. Life will give me trouble whether I get married or not. So, to make my family happy, why don't I get married to someone, for something good? Like who needed to marry for something too. It could be financial, religious (When someone converted and don't get any girl) or any other help. Either way, no man will put effort to make me happy. So, let's help someone and tolerate a miserable marriage life for the family and society. I least from my marriage something good will be achieved.

And I wanted to be a mother too. That is the best gift I got from my marriage.

Though deep inside my heart, there is a word "UNLESS". That's why sometimes I believed in some men that they might love me. But with time they proved, no, they actually don't or never did.

Decisions

 I like to listen to everyone before I take any decision. Then I will make my own. I got influenced several times by others. Whether it is right or wrong, I own my decision. I never blame anyone. Maybe I said in a joke, that "you said that..." but I really don't accuse anyone.

In most cases, I found that the decision I took longer to think to pick the correct one, was wrong. But I tried my best. 

When I make decisions in anger or without thinking just in a second, I found them right actually.

This proves, how stupid I am. Only destiny is helping me to survive. I actually don't have any quality.

Actually just wanted to hear praises

 In many organizations you will see, the organizer says they want to work together or make the decision together. In the end, you will see, they have only approved their own decisions. 

Or sometimes, they ask your opinion on some matter. Actually, they just want to hear praises on that issue. If you ask to change or add something to it, they won't like it. There is no chance that you will see any slight change to keep your opinion. Moreover, from next they might kick you out from that kind of meeting.

No matter how many times they ask all people to join the leadership or work together. They will only elect their own people. They will always give you a genuine cause how it is impossible to take you in the team.

So, I think, in these situations, I better just watch and learn. When no one wants to hear from me, then what's the point of talking?

Taking decisions

Shafeen's art

Once upon a time, I use to think that 90% of my decision are correct. maybe it worked on those days. Now a day, I am thinking that 90% of my decisions are wrong.

I take decision in two ways, First, when I think about any matter, I try to think on both sides first, pros and cons. Then which side has more pros I pick that one. Mostly I take decisions in this way.

The other way is depending on my anger. When I became so angry on anything, I took some decision to make it feel better. Trust me, I never thought to harm anyone. In this way it takes only one second to decide on something. Very few times I took decision in this way.

No matter how I take my decisions, I always try to stick with it. Because whenever I have changed my decision, at the end I found, my first decision was right.

The strange part what I found is most of my decisions which I have took in anger, was correct!

Difficult to make decision

[English version has given below]

কাজ করে যত না হয়রান হই, টেনশন করে দেখি তারচেয়ে বেশি কাহিল হয়ে গিয়েছি। আর কোনো বিষয়ে সিদ্ধান্ত নিতে সবচেয়ে বেশি কস্ট হয়। কারন আমি একবার কোনো বিষয়ে কোনো সিদ্ধান্ত নিয়ে ফেললে আর ডানে বামে তাকাইনা। যা ঠিক করেছি, সেটাই করবো। সিনেমার ভাষায় বলা যায়, "একবার আগার মে কমিটমেন্ট করলি তো ফের মে খুদকো  ভি নেহি সুনতা ".

কারন সিদ্ধান্ত নেয়ার পরও যদি আবার চিন্তাভাবনা করতে থাকি তাহলে টেনশন থেকে আর বের হতে পারবোনা। আর নিজেও সব সময় কনফিউজ থাকব।  আর আমি সব সময়ই দেখেছি। আমার প্রথম সিদ্ধান্ত সব সময় সঠিক থাকে....

I became more tired by having tension than working hard. And more difficult work is to make any decision. Because when I have taken any decision then I stop taking any suggestion or thought about that matter. I don't want to think about more. Whatever I have decided once is final. Like cinema we can say, "Ek bar agar main commitment karlei, to pher may khudko bhi nehi sunta" (Once I have decided, I even don't let it change by myself).

If I don't stop thinking about it after taking decision then I will never come up from my tense situation. And it will keep me confuse always. And I have seen, my first decision was always   right...