My patient level is very high. Yes, it is. And everyday in every situation, it is growing higher. But still, it has limitations too. I have accepted that my work isn’t going to appreciated by any one. I don’t say anything to those who bullies me. I am just surviving without claiming any help. I am living without growing up my status for long time. But I do not want to go down. Wherever I am, at least I want to stay on it. If you push me down, I must find something better or similar, and move on.
Monday, July 23, 2018
Tuesday, July 10, 2018
What will be my priority to do? I thought about it a lot. When I am at job, I give full focus in it. When I am at home, again, I try to give full focus on my home duties. But there are a lot left, like for our future goal, I must take initiative and be active and give focus on that. Most of all, I have a son. He is still too young to think by himself what should he do now. So, for his current and future life, I must make plan and must make sure, he is taking good food, having enough brain activity, learning all the necessary things that I want to him to be learned, taking bath, and brushing his teeth regularly etc. Truth is, I don’t have enough time for all as usual. Everyday, I had to make priority list in my mind and go with it, which means everyday there are a lot of work left, which push back to my to do list. Sometimes I feel really guilt about that. But again, which work should I do first? Which comes at my priority? I really feel good, when I can finish all the tasks, that I had to do for my son. Otherwise guilt feeling don’t let me stay well and my son faces troubles. Yes, my son is my priority.
Thursday, July 5, 2018
|Shafeen has drawn it.|
I never say I did this or that. So, it’s very easy to over look my work or take advantages of it. People are very smart. They find this attitude in me very easily then according to their need they use it. Some use my skill to get promoted, some get other benefits, like show themselves as a good team player or worker. I used to see people taking all my credits for themselves. I have patient. I just keep doing my work, use my IQ to make it better. If you don’t get it, then fine. If somehow its seen by you, then I am grateful to you.
Wednesday, July 4, 2018
|My best friend, Shafeen.|
Making friends is not my thing. If I say I don’t have any friend, will you believe that? I have friends in FB, in real world too. But They are not like with whom I can talk about anything, or ask anything from them, neither they do this with me. I never had close friend. Wait, I had, then he became my boyfriend and finally husband. Now father of my son. Now I have two friends in my life, my son, and his father. Because I have deeper relation with them. But if I look at my social life. I am antisocial person and I don’t have any friend. I like to talk with people, I like when they visit my house, and like to join them when they invite me. But somehow again, there is always a distance, and finally those people get away from my life. These things teach me, how to live alone, if there is no one to help you, help yourself. Live happy by yourself. It’s not that bad. People can survive without a friend. Though I never wanted to be like that.
Tuesday, July 3, 2018
|Shafeen has drawn this.|
Now a day, the major struggle I am facing is to keep concentration on one issue. At the same time, I am tired, physically not feeling well, mentally stressed, unset with different issues, a long of to do list, guilt feeling for not doing things successfully etc. So, whenever I am doing something, in my mind I am planning for others. Sometimes or most of the times, this behavior causes bad results.
Though everyday I use to say to my son, concentrate on your work. Now even I don’t know how to solve this problem.
Monday, July 2, 2018
I like soft drinks, especially in summer. But I am overweighed woman. Whenever I drink soda/soft drinks, my stomach becomes more visible. So, generally I don’t drink unless attending in any special occasion, like any festival or invitations.
Few days ago, we celebrate our last day of school. Out teacher and one student brought pizza and rest of us brought the soft drinks. So, you can guess there were a lot of drinks. After the party our teacher insists everyone to take as much as possible for our family at home. I took also. Now everyday I am taking soft drinks. It’s not finished yet. I have no idea how I will be look like after few days…
Sunday, May 20, 2018
For me, loving someone and liking someone have huge difference. I can like anything or anyone. But love means something big for me. When you love someone, you can do or go anywhere to achieve or just to stay with them or sometimes just to make them happy. Liking won't let you go that far.
I am married, and I have a son. Still I am talking about it, because I felt many people misunderstands me. I like many people as a friend, as a human, as a teacher, as a colleague or just passerby. I am good with everyone. I help everyone as much as possible. But sometimes, this attitude create misunderstanding. People started believing that I love them. I don't know what to do with it.
When I was in the university, one of my friend told me, I should have feel proud and enjoy these situations. Let them think like that. I am not losing anything.
Well I tried, but I never felt good about it. Be my friend, I need you. Just don't take anything too far, that I can't reach it.
Friday, May 18, 2018
After watching those people who are at my age, who are doing very good, have good position in society and listening the suggestions about my life from people around me, I understood, I should have done so many things, which I didn't try at all. But as usual I always face difficulties to make time to go for any new thing. Now a day this failure giving me a lot of pressure in my mind that I can't sleep. sometimes for 3/4 days I stay awake. Now I am feeling like my head is spinning, I can't remember small things, like where I am going, what I was planned to do etc. Today I became too sick that I couldn't go to my work or even work at home. I had to take break from my fasting after puke. My headache became too difficult that I had to just sleep by taking relax-ion tab.
But still, I am convincing myself, may be I am taking baby steps, but I will move forward. Whatever comes in my life I will try to accept that and will try to be happy with it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2018
From teen age I realize people likes me. Where ever I go people wants me to make their daughter in law. Somehow, they always use to find out a man in their family. It could be their son, brother’s or sister’s son, brother or any other relative and started to convince that poor guy to marry me. Because they thought I could be a very good daughter in law.
When I became adult, I found boys around me likes me. They try to offer me to marry or make a relationship with me.
From these situations I thought, maybe I am very good person, who can be a very good wife and daughter in law. I never have to be afraid about in laws family.
After marriage, I realize I was wrong. My in-laws family don’t like me, they found thousands of negative points about me.
I like to travel new places. So, in the University I wanted to study on Geography. I had heard, this subject’s students go for study tour every year in different places. And, I will be very happy to learn about the world. Though my family didn’t like it, I admitted at Geography & Environment and after 2 classes, I realize, I have made a very wrong decision. This is not my place.
I work sincerely, always try to improve myself and work in a way that the company gets benefited. I believed my bosses will understand my work and will give promotion or increase my wages. Again, I found myself very wrong. I thought may be when I will get chance to work abroad, smart bosses will promote me. But again, I was very wrong about me, maybe I don’t have any extra ordinary quality so that no one interested to help me grow in the company.