Myths believed by doctors.

 There are some myths that all doctors believe. One is that when a mother brings her child with a problem, there is actually no problem, and mom is worrying for nothing. I have seen this myth followed by doctors everywhere.

My suggestion is that you can believe anything you want. But as a doctor, if mom is saying something, please check it out and make sure there is no problem before declaring it.

I have seen many people suffer only because of this myth. Doctors didn't check properly because Mom was the one who pointed out the problem.

Biography 277: Caring for my hair.

When I was in Saudi Arabia, my mom used to wash my hair with Sunsilk Shampoo. She said everybody liked my silky black straight hair. They used to ask, Do all Bangladeshi have beautiful hair?

After returning to Bangladesh, my mom often applied coconut oil to my hair and braided it with a ribbon. She said, and I believe that too, because of her effort, I had some good quality hair.

Then I tried to take care of my hair. But I never had the time and energy to do so. With time, now much of my hair has become white. I'm glad I still have some hair. The way I lose hair, the head is supposed to be empty by this time.

Biography 238: I have asked for "Go" too.

 My mom said this story about one of her cousins. The cousin was relatively young in those days. Her mother once asked her to bring "Lobongo (Cloves)". She asked the cousin to go quickly and get it from the shop. The little girl had no idea what "Lobongo (Cloves)" was. She heard "Lobon (Salt)" and "Go (She couldn't understand what was that)." The cousin wanted to be clear about it, but her mother didn't have time to listen, so she pushed the causing outside and reminded her to bring it quickly, because she was cooking something.

The girl went to the shop. We don't know how she asked or what she asked for. The shopkeeper gave her salt. She brings it home and gives it to her mother. Her mother took the packet and opened it and was surprised. She asked, why did you get "Lobon (salt)"? I asked you to bring to "Lobongo (cloves)." The girl made her point very strongly that she had asked for "Go" too, but the shopkeeper didn't give it to her!

Moms stay awake for their child's study

 I have heard from many people, especially men, that in their childhood when they had to stay awake to study, their mom also used to stay awake with them and warm their food so that they could study well without an empty stomach. How much a mom loved them. Moms had to work hard all day, and still, they were staying awake with their children.

I am a mother, too. I also sometimes stay awake and sit beside my kid while they are studying. Because I know that if I am not there, they might not study well, play games, or chat all night. So, to ensure they studied properly, I had to stay with them and make food for their stomachs.

Now, I clearly understand why and how moms need to do such an act.

Biography 228: My uncle Salahuddin Moni

 We used to call my mom's older brother "Boro mama" (elder uncle). He had a nickname, "Moni" (a rare stone, the black dot of the eye, or something special). When he was born, people of that area used to call him "Moni" as he was very adorable and the first son of my grandfather (maternal). Later, it became his name. His full name was "Salahuddin Moni." He was a freedom fighter for Bangladesh.

I remember him mostly from my childhood memories. When he was living in Singapore. We four sisters used to write him letters. What we want to inform him and whatever we want him to bring with him. Because, in every letter, he asked us what you want me to bring for you guys.

When he came, he brought two small dresses for my older sister and me. But we were grown up, so finally those two dresses went to my two little sisters. He also brought a stainless steel plate. I got that. Till before, I came to Canada, I used to take meals on it. When I told this story to my son, he replied, "Why didn't you bring that plate with you?"

I think he brought another similar plate, which he gave to his mom or wife. He also brought a toy, a police car, which has colourful lights at the top and runs on batteries by making siren sounds. It was for his younger son, Mehedi.

Today, he left us. I pray to Allah to give him Jannat and make his journey painless.

Putting your child into a healthy daily routine

No matter how busy a mom becomes, her heart, eyes and ear are always focused on her kid. Especially when they became too silent. It means something must be wrong. Either they are busy with something that they shouldn't do or facing some trouble. For both reasons, mama needs to run and check out the situation.

I am still living in this situation.

My son used to like my company till he was a 12-year-old boy. Now a day, he doesn't want his mom around him. Mostly because mom doesn't like his activity and asks him to do those activities which he doesn't like at all.

My son's favourite activities: playing games, chatting with friends, listening to and watching songs on Youtube, and watching funny videos. Mostly plays games and all his favourite activities are on the computer. And if I don't let him play games, sleeping.

What I ask him to do, do his homework, clean his bed, brush his teeth and use mouth wash, do stretching, practice riding a skateboard, learn something on adobe illustrator (He choose it first) and make something, practice guitar (He choose it first), practice keyboard (He choose it first), writer blog (He has the capability of writing and don't want to utilize it), cook (When needed), do laundry (When needed), run on the treadmill, etc.

You can see there is no matching between his work and mine. So, obviously, he doesn't like his mother anymore.

Our gap increased because of my job. He was a free bird during my work time. Now every day I had to fight with him for his daily work. Today said, he has a headache so, went to sleep again after breakfast. I don't know how I am going to manage this boy to keep in with a healthy routine.

Soon he will be an adult, I hope by that time, I will be able to make him follow a healthy daily routine which he may continue.

I can only try, and pray for him. Allah will take him to his destination.

Mother son relationship

 When Shafeen was a kid, one day, I told him in anger, I will leave the house. He replied, then cook and fill the refrigerator first.

A few days earlier I told him again. He looked very nervous, and asked me, "And me?" I told him, you will be with me. Then he became relieved. As long as mom is there with him. He doesn't need to worry about anything. I don't know how he became so dependent on me. He even doesn't want to check the road before crossing. It's like mom is here, so she will look after everything.

But he doesn't want me to be with him. He wants to play games without any interruption 24/7. He doesn't like when I ask him to study or work. He needs me to take care of him. This lazy man doesn't want to do or think about anything by himself.

One thing is for sure, he loves me but doesn't like me.

One day I asked him, what do you think about your mom. He replied, "She keeps pocking whole day and night" (In Bangla, "Din raat pan pan kore").

I told him, when I ask you once, you don't listen. So I had to keep asking you, again and again, to make things work. You made me like this and now you have complained about it. Why don't you listen when I say just once?

Another day I was asking him, why you always keep me in pain. He replied, "I don't give you pain. I always do things whenever you ask for it". I said, why do I have to ask you every single time. This way you keep me in a painful situation. He kept silent. Because he knows it's true. Let me give you an example, before sleep, every night I have to ask him to brush his teeth. Otherwise, he won't. 

Bangladeshi mom

 I have seen moms love their children. In Bangladesh, moms will do everything for their boys. They will wake them up, prepare their dresses like cleaning, pressing etc, will make food for them if possible will feed them. They will try to know everything happening with them and will try to guide them to prevent them to mix with any wrong person, especially with girls. Their love has no boundary, no limit. But it is not without any selfishness. Moms don't want anybody who can take attention from their boys. She can tolerate their friends. But not his wife. Few moms don't want their boys to get married. Most of them agree to see them married because they need the next generation. But it doesn't mean the wife can take any money from their son. Mom wants everything. Boys heart, money and attention, everything. That's why moms raise their sons in a way that they will always depend on their mom. Moms Will keep doing emotional blackmails so that their attention won't go anywhere. The mom gives born so it's their property. These moms don't want or feel hesitant to take help from girls. No matter how rich their girls become, she likes to have everything from the boys. Girls are not her property, girls are for someone else.

Why is this situation? Mostly from tradition. Moms have seen their mom and mom-in-law, do the same. Why are they all doing so? In Bangladeshi culture, boys are responsible for their parents, moms. A girl gets born and raised in a family as some other family's property. After marriage, girls' parents have no right on their girls. The in-law family will take the girl's earnings and help. She can't help their own parents, that doesn't look good, or only when their in-laws give her permission to do so. She will be treated in the in-law as an outsider, so no love or care for her. But the girl's duty is to do everything and give all her earnings. Even her husband won't love and listen to her. He can't do or give anything to her if his mother doesn't like it. So, this girl has no one, neither parents nor in-laws to love. After giving birth she will get a son who can be her emotionally if she could make him be like that. Her girls will marry and go to another family. Now if somehow this boy doesn't look after her, not only by giving money but also by support emotionally, she has no one. In old age, she needs enough money to survive, and someone who will love her. So, how can she let her boys go? This way, this cycle is continuing.

I am a mother of a son too. I do everything for my son. It doesn't mean I don't want him to be independent. But my son is very lazy. He wants his mom or anyone who will do every work for him. Everyday mother-son argument happens, mostly because I ask him to do his own work. I want him to get marry soon and live his own life. I don't want to control him. I will help if they need any. Otherwise, I want them to live in their own way and stay happy always.

How will I give him a solution?

I never had a close friend, I am always very stupid to let go opportunities, I get hurt by people unnecessarily when I didn’t do anything wrong with them, I’m too honest that people can’t guess, My love is one-sided. But still I know I’m a person of a good heart.

I thought, maybe my son wouldn’t be like me. He is not like me. But still, he is facing some common big problem that I am facing. He doesn’t have any close friend, he let’s go his opportunities, he gets hurt by people without any reason. He is very honest, but people don’t get it. He is a very person.

Sometimes I felt, why did I bring on earth to face too much trouble? I don’t know how to overcome my problems; how will I teach him? He just must learn by himself. That’s what I am trying to teach him. Find the solution to your own problem, your mom won’t there for you always.

মায়েদের অসুস্থ হবার উপায়ও নেই (A mother can never be sick)

মায়েদের অসুস্থ হতে নেই. হবার উপায়ও নেই. জ্বরে কাতর হয়ে একদিন শুয়ে বিশ্রাম নিয়েছি. সকাল থেকে দুপুর পর্যন্ত শাফিন নানু বাড়িতেই ছিল, বড়আপা ওকে খাইয়ে দিয়েছিল. তারপরও ছেলের জ্বর চলে এসেছে. কালকে সারা গায়ে ব্যাথা নিয়েই ছেলেকে খাওয়ালাম, স্পঞ্জ করলাম... ছেলে এখন অনেকটা ভাল হয়ে গিয়েছে. বুঝলাম, শরীর যতি বিদ্রোহ করুক, আমার মুক্তি নেই. কাজ চালিয়ে যেতে হবে.

A mother can never be sick. Actually she doesn't have choice.
After getting fever I took one day bed rest. Shafeen (my son) stayed at his grandmother's (maternal) house from morning to noon. My elder sister fed him. But still my son got fever 101. So, with the pain, all over the body I stand up and start taking care of him (feed him, sponge his body etc), and he became well. So no matter how you became sick... you have to keep going (after becoming a mother)

My mom, Sufia Ahmed

This picture had been taken at my elder sister’s marriage ceremony.

Here I mentioned my mom’s name, because I wanted her to be known with her own name, not as my mother. She has born in Faridpur. When she was in class 9, her dad wanted her to be married. To stop that marriage she cut her hair. And she succeeds.

Then she came Dhaka and joins in nursing course and completed 4 years course. In those days she has to send money to home to help her father’s family. That’s the starting. My grandparents are no more now. But still my mom keeps helping to all her siblings wherever they need.

Then she completed many more training including family planning. She became the trainer. This quality gives her opportunity to go to Saudi Arabia. On those days I and my elder sister came in this world. At first she couldn't take us, she has to go alone. I was very young, below 3 years old, so can’t remember anything. But she use to cry for her babies for whole night with our pictures. After some processing she could took us to her place. Later my father also joined us.

After five years we all came back to Bangladesh and my mom build her own house. Where we are living now. So, still I am in her shell. She raises her 5 children, gave us good education with extra cultural activity. Still she cooks, do gardening, and maintain building and everything. She is still work like a young woman.

I salute you mom. I wish I could do something for you (sometimes I cooked food and gave her; in some cases she said my cooking is very poor). 

Shafeen’s mini bed

Shafeen sleeping inside the bed

My mother gave a mini, hanging bed with wheels to Shafeen (my 3 and half years old son) after his born. On those days he use to sleep with me, so didn’t use the bed much. But now he grown up and can’t sleep in that small bed. But now he likes the bed very much. Several times he told me to give him the bed as I stored it in different place. I told him, I will clean up the bed first (someday) then will give to you.