Biography 326: Food for my parents

 My parents never asked me anything. Though I have started earning before my MSc results come out. I was use to take money and treats from my parents. However, I have bought food a few times for my family, I mean for my parents and siblings. I found they became very happy. I felt good. At least someone appreciates my efforts.

Prayer for parents

 

May Allah keep our parents in peace and beautiful moments, before and after life.

Biography 263: Parents' love.

 I once had a fever. At night, my fever became very high. I went to the washroom, and my parents woke up. Then I was washing my face. The basin was outside the restroom. My parents asked, "Are you OK?" I said, "I am OK but feeling very sick." Mom understood the situation. She asked my dad to hold her and take her to bed. When my father hold me, I fell down, he pick me up and put me on bed.

Now, I can understand why both of them didn't sleep. Because of my sickness, I made no noise when I went to the bathroom, but they came to check on me.

 You won't understand your Parents' love until you become a parent.

23+

As per my mom's account, people from Saudi Arabia have a tendency to keep their age concealed, even from medical professionals. Once, a lady accompanied by her son, who was in his forties, visited a doctor who claimed to be 50 years old. When the doctor inquired about her age at the time of childbirth, she declined to reveal her true age. This is a custom that both men and women in Saudi Arabia follow.

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, my parents were often mistaken for being much younger than their actual age. Once, when I was 15, we went out together, and a man mistook my father for my younger sister. He was taken aback when he found out that I was the second daughter and that there was an older daughter at home. He stared at us in disbelief for a few seconds.

Although I used to believe that I had inherited some of those youthful genes, I eventually gained weight. Nevertheless, if someone were to ask me my age, I wish I could say 23 or older ;). That's what I am in my mind :) .

Biography 99: Handyperson

 When our parents were building our own house, they make sure the second floor (In Bangladesh we all called it the 1st floor or level 2) get prepared first. Because we were going to live there. Before the whole building (5 storied) was done properly, the second floor was completed and ready to live.

We had a red plastic basket. In those days, every family who has a kid used to have this kind of basket to keep toddlers staff. My mom put all the small items in it, that can be fitted in it. Then gave to me to carry to our new house, approximately two blocks away. I had to do this job several times a day, to complete the process to move to our new home.

I was mom's handy person. Whenever she needed anything to bring from the local grocery store she use to send me. Sometimes she woke me up from sleep and then sent me to the shop. Like to bring eggs, sugar etc.

We had a maid to washcloths. Then those were needed to put in the sun to dry. In Bangladesh, we don't use a dryer to dry clothes. So, I had to take them to the roof in a bucket to the 5th and then 6th floor (The roof of our new house), put them on the rope to dry and at the end of the day bring them back. Sometimes if rain comes I had to run to the roof and bring those back. I remember one day we had a new tenant on the 4th floor. They saw me carrying buckets of cloths to the roof, they thought I was the maid of the house, they wanted to ask me to clean their house too. But one of their family members recognized me as an owner's daughter, so that didn't happen.

When I grow up a little, my duty expanded to the post office too. Sending anything to the post office was my duty.

Then added giving bills. In Bangladesh previously we didn't have any choice to pay the bills online or through cell phone. We had to go to the bank. Different banks submit different utility bills. All was my job. I had to stand up hours in line to submit those.

You must be thinking, my parents like me a lot that I was their handy person. NO. I am always everyone's least favourite person. Well, when anyone needs any help they find me. They knew I will do anything to help them as much as possible. It's like you know you have a stupid to do all the jobs because an intelligent person won't work without any benefit. It won't mind. I have seen this attitude to all I know. All can't be wrong. Maybe this is my personality.

I have seen others who just said no when they were asked to do anything, but still people like them.

No, I don't want to bother how people treat me, I just do what needed to be done. To make things better. Either at home or a job or anywhere else. I never worry how much people appreciate it. I believe if anyone likes me they will like me without any effort.

Otherwise no matter how much I try, whatever I do, I can never be their first priority.

Biography 91: Our new house

 We were living in a rented apartment in Bangladesh. Our parents rented the apartment near to our own land. Where our parents started building their own house. You know what happens when people make their own house for the first time. My mom wanted so many things in that house and most of them were very new for a home in Bangladesh on those days. Like she put two kinds of window shades. One is wooden (To prevent everything) another one is with a net (To avoid mosquitos). In those days no one made like that. Most of the houses in our area were 1/2/3 storied in that area. Our parents first made 5 storied buildings. So, it became the tallest building in that area. My mom wanted to cover the outside wall with red ceramic bricks. But to reduce costs they put it at the front side only. Mom wanted to design with broken colourful glasses, my dad stopped her by saying it will like masjeeds. She also made cabinets in the kitchen by the local wood makers. People really didn't have those at that time. People laughed a lot at mom and dad because they were expending more money than general people do. But it was their dream house and they have the experience to live abroad and other cultures, so I understand.

When parents make their kids selfish.

 Sometimes parents unintentionally make kids selfish.

For example, you have a couple of kids. Among them, some are good in their study and some are not. To encourage the good ones, you always give them something extra. Like chocolate, good food or give more amount of food. You give this extra benefit without informing the other kids. Because you don't want them to cry for it or to get disheartened. Or sometimes, they know about it. 

Now the genius ones know that they are getting extra for their extra marks or effort on their study. So, they are the superior in the family. Hopefully, they will continue to do good in study or better.

When everyone grows up, you will see, the people who got extra in childhood are always expecting extra. No matter what if they get a chance, they are taking the best one, they don't share and sometimes they will hide things so that they won't have to share with others. Or we can say they became very selfish. Because this is how they get raised. You have made them like that.

Parents also need good guiding

Before becoming a mother I never understood that parents are like God to the kids. They are actually creating the kids life, from childhood to adult. In the Indian sub-continent, parents influence their kid's life till death.

So, every single decision for a kid is very important. One step can totally change your kid’s life. Let me give some examples. A mother may take her son to a singing school in his childhood, and later that may become the life changing event. That boy may become a good singer.

You may plan to make your kid scholar, so you may keep pushing your kid for study and never let go for other activity... later that boy may become arrogant that he doesn't like to study at all and may never be good at any other work.

You may think too much love may destroy your kid's future... but later lack of love may made him to choose alone life.

So, there is no option to make mistake... Well no body do this kind of mistake intentionally. But parents need good guiding (from media, government etc) a lot, to make the right decision for their kid.

We can't forget that the kids are the future of our nation...

How important parent’s love are

I was watching a TV program, where an 18 years old boy was working in a gold mining section. But due to camera and other negative or unsuccessful things (not getting enough gold) made him rude and scared. He started misbehave with everyone. He wanted stop his work. He couldn’t concentrate or work properly. Things were getting worse day by day. Others started thinking, this is becoming impossible to continue work here…

The director of that TV program asked for help. Then, without notifying that boy his parents arrived. He loved to see them and for the first time he started laughing. He showed his equipments and big vehicle to his parents. They tried to run those and enjoyed his work. And when he became relax, his parent told him to focus on the positive side of every work. Negative things will always be there, he had to focus on the positive ones.

Then they left. But situation changed dramatically. The boy starts laughing and make very good friendly attitude to all. They started work and the boy found big amount of gold.

The total successful things happen only by small love of the parent.

As a parent

When you became parent, you are not just giving birth of a child. You started building the kid’s life. If you make one mistake, your kid’s life can be destroyed. For your one good step, your kid can have a tremendous life.

Sometime we the parents don’t care to show our love to our kid. We think we are doing hard work to build their life, they will understand automatically that we love them a lot. Yes, they will, but they won’t learn how to love other, how to show their sweet affection, not to you too. They might look rude always.

When we go outside, we let them play independently. But we always should keep an eye on them. Sometimes while playing, they might make big mistake and get injured, which may cause trouble for the rest of their life.

In Bangladesh, from very beginning of educational life, we start giving pressure on our kid; don’t care about their little life, little happiness, and little freedom. Actually we are destroying their childhood. After grownup when they will think about their childhood, they will scare. Moreover, we are damaging their brain permanently. Afterwards, they will forget how to think out of the box or showing their creativity.

When we choose their educational path, some may think, my kid is not good in math, I better make them study in arts (where the kid might like and understand science very much). We should remember Einstein wasn’t good in math too. Once we made this mistake your kid has to handover on many subjects that they might are very good.

Some parents don’t give all vaccine to their kids on time, sometimes because of laziness, sometimes in fear of side effect or many other reasons. Just think, (may Allah not do so) if the kid get effected by those virus, then what will you do? Do you want to let suffer your kid?

Every relation has some expectations, some boundaries and some accepting level.

Every relationship has some expectations, boundaries, and accepting levels. But these are not the same for everyone and may vary between people.

My favourite and most comfortable relationship is friendship. I love them. I care for them. Whether they like me as a friend or not, I will help them (if needed) as much as I can. They all have negative and positive things. Some of them take hard drinks, chew tobacco, cheat, steal others' money, and have different views on many things from different religions; some don’t believe in religion. I like them all for their many positive things. Indeed, I won’t like to see them doing my “not favourite” things in front of me, but I won’t break my friendship. I really want my friend to be with me, always.

The most flexible relation is parent-child relations. No matter what you do, your parents or your child may forgive you and will always love you. Again, there are many differences here, too. Some parents may forgive and try to save their child even after the murder; some parent may kick their child out of their life if they get married by themselves. In my case, my parent accepted my choice. Though they didn’t like it, they didn’t give me any single objection. Even now, they don’t ask me once why I live like this.

The most restricted relationship is marriage. Some couples are very flexible with each other, some not. But in most cases, nobody will allow cheating, bad behaviour, etc. I guess my husband gives me flexibility in many areas because I never force him to do anything. Even if that breaks my heart, I will never stop him. He is like a free bird.

But there are limitations to everything. I have patience, but that has a limit too.