Biography 17: Dance

 I think, after learning how to jump, I didn't waste any single day without jumping or running till teenage. One day my parent took me to watch a movie in the cinema hall. We were waiting outside for tickets. In the meantime, someone played a popular movie song. I recognized that and screamed, it's my dad's song then started dancing. My mom said she felt very embarrassed at that moment. I still don't know why? Why in our country (Bangladesh) people don't like to see a girl dancing, jumping around as she wanted.

Because of too much movement, my uncle (My mom's older brother) asked my mom to teach me to dance. My mom first admitted me to Bangladesh Shishu Academy in the dancing class. I had learned dancing over there for 4 years. Every month they had some program, and because of that, I became used to dancing on the stage. Sometimes our teacher took us out for an outdoor performance.

Then mom realized to become good at dancing, I should learn classical dance too. She took me to Bulbul Lalito Kola Academy. Here I had learned dancing for 4 years too. I attended both places at the same time.

At Bulbul Academy one day we have got a substitute teacher, Mr. Shingho Roy. His family was traditionally involved with classical dance. My mom wanted me to learn better so she asked him to join as a private tutor for my dance. He agreed, for a couple of months, he teaches me Manipuri dance, Kathak, Gypsy dance. Later he became a dance instructor in the movie so couldn't give me time.

I didn't realize it in my childhood but now I understand, why my mom put so much effort into my dancing. She knew I'm not going to take it as a profession. But I was doing really well. On those days I have competed in many kids competitions at the dancing section. And each and every time I have got prizes.

During those days I have joined a TV program too. It was a Bangla New Year celebration program. The of the program was "Chhoy ritur ei desh"/ The country of six seasons. I was at the Spring dance and side performer in the winter part. This was my very first earning. I had taka 65 for this performance.

In those days, I use to choreograph my own performances. Especially for the competition and stage show.

I was very young, but during this period of time, I realize, how people make good relations with teachers and get benefited, people use the money to get a better chance etc. And I knew, I'm never going to do this kind of act.

I have stopped learning and dancing on the stage when I was in grade 5. I knew I wasn't the best at dancing, but I knew this too that I was very good at dancing. Wherever I danced, people liked it so much.

I had a dream, someday I will dance with my man, romantic dance types or just holding together in the music. Someday I want to dance with my son too. I want it a little bit funny way. Till now he said, he has no interest in dancing. Let's see.

We judge

 

We judge people, intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes we judge them by their name, dress, work etc. Then based on our judgement, we put our own expectations. Especially in competition. If that person can't stand our expectation, we became angry, sad, irritated. Not on our judgment, but on that person. We started thinking that person is wrong, they couldn't come up with our expectations. 

We never think, that our judgment can be wrong. We believe that our thinking is best for them. We know what can make that person happy. The truth is we may not reach that person's satisfactory level. Maybe that person is doing something for some other reason, which we don't know, or can't think about. We never think, what may make us happy, may not good enough for others. They want something else which we don't think important.

 Let me give you an example. When we see a couple's picture, we started judging, this is not a good match. Because their culture doesn't match, their beauty is not matching, their social status, job or for our own benefit or anything else. But can you see that couple's heart? How happy are they with each other? Is your satisfaction more important than couples?

If they break up then you will say, Yes, I knew it. Excuse me, maybe they had a very enjoyable moment that you can never think about or never had. Now for their own good they had decided to stay apart. Your life, enjoyment has nothing to do with their life. Let them be happy, either by staying with or without.

We better keep our nose out from other's personal happiness. No matter how close friends we are. Because the same thing can happen with us by other's judgement.

Biography 16: Slide

 Before I became 3 years old, I get admitted to Will Little Flower school. In the playground, my main focus was on a big slide. But I was too small to try and I had to climb up at the top with big steps. I remember I had climbed up somehow, but couldn't get the courage to get down by sliding. Because of me, others couldn't play. They were asking me to go down. I looked at the stairs. They were way too big to try to go down. So, finally, I had to sit down and let the slide take me to go down. Later I have seen other kids use to hold both sides to slow down the speed. I didn't know that and the slide was too sleeper. It quickly takes me down with big force. Obviously, I couldn't hold at the bottom, I fall down, kind of lay down. Nobody laughed. Some kids help me to stand up. Maybe I got hurt too. After that, I have decided no more sliding. I didn't.

After grown up, I have started sliding at the water park. Trust me, still, fears try to hold me down. But somehow I just put myself in it. Then try to enjoy the fear.

Some people think women are not good enough like men.

 I have both male and female friends. I talk, discuss and enjoy their conversations. When I hang out with male friends, sometimes they forget a female is with them, and they just talk about any topic. When I spend time with female friends, in most cases, they talk about the facts of males which someone has experienced. 

But I have seen male friends mostly just make their own judgments about women. The examples are very few and in most cases not related. They just think, they know about women and women are not good enough like men. Even a few women also think like this.

Let me give you an example. When I was studying at the University, a song became very popular in Bangladesh, "Buri hoilam tor karone...(Because of you, I became old/weak)". A female was singing the song because she was not getting the same payment as men. She was working as construction labour.

One of our University teachers told us in the class, how foolish is this! A woman can't work like a man, look at the physical difference between them! How come she expects the same payment as men. This was his Assumption.

I get to hear from a known contractor that they always try to recruit as many women as labour as possible. Because women work better, they are easy to manage, they don't waste much time on smoking and they accept less payment. For their own benefit contractors want women labour. And this is the fact, not an assumption.

I have talked with a 12-year-old boy. He was thinking that men are better cooks than women. I asked him, why? Because most of the chefs are men. When a woman can cook well, she stays home and cooks for her family and relatives. No one wants them to take a profession as a chef. When a man cooks well, people will encourage him to become a chef. If you look, most of the chef's wife and mother cooks better than them. If you look at any cooking competition, you will see both male-female are doing well. The boy checked cooking shows and said, actually women are good at it.

Biography 15: Henna

 In my childhood, we lived in our grandparent's house with them. Later my father became the owner of the house. After moving out from that house, the tenant lived there for a long time. Then my dad sold that house to support the expenses. Though he didn't get all the money, a middle person took a big part of it.

Image source: https://youtu.be/_magzq70kU4

Beside that house, there was a henna tree. It was about 5 feet long. It had big leaves and its colour was very dark. If anyone put it on the palm for a long time, the colour would become darkish red. Our neighbours always took the leaves during Eid and other occasions. I have seen girls use to mash the leaves on "Sheel pata"/ GRINDSTONES. Then the mashed leaves looked like cow dung. So, obviously, I didn't want to put that on my hand. Girls use to use a small stick, sometimes matches to make a design on the hand.

Later in our city "Beauty parlour" culture came. Then they started using a cone to make a henna design on people's hands. By this time, I grew up and understood the difference between cow dung and henna. I liked the cone style and always try to make some designs during Eid, twice a year. Still, I make designs on my hand during Eid. I'm not good at it, but I like the smell of henna. When I was living in Bangladesh, at home I put henna on everyone's hand. Even I tried to motivate boys to put some henna design on their palms. Sometimes succeed. Especially I did this on my dad's hand. He liked it too. But then when he went to the mosque, started feeling shame and tried to hide his hand.

Now a day I try to convince my son to put henna, but he said, it looks like cow dung, I'm not going to touch it.

Some people stay in mind

When any people do something that hurts you, what do you with those people? The most civilized way is to ignore them.

I don't talk much. So, it's a little difficult to understand whether I'm just not talking or ignoring people. I kept all of them connected in social media. I can't put negative thoughts about any person unless I'm 100% sure I can't tolerate this person anymore. 

I just can't push out people from my head. With time, the way those people act/react to me is important for me. Most of them did such a hateful attitude that their activities took them out of my heart. I needed this, just to say to myself, see what you had thought about this person. This helps me see, the true colour of a person.

Some people proved themself that they have a very good heart. I may not talk with all of them, but they stay in my heart. I like them. Maybe we don't talk, but we can talk anytime like we never stopped talking.

For myself

I have done so many things or I should say most of the things in my life because I should. I never run after my own desire or happiness. No matter what, I never give up on anything or anyone, unless that thing or person has given up on me. In jobs, I tried my best to stay. No matter how much I get bullied and humiliated. So, many times I felt people are using me like a doormat. But still, I stayed unless something happens that I can't accept anymore. In relation, I tried, I never force but I tried. In almost all cases, people left me. If stays, keep hurting me. I tolarated everything. Because I wanted to give chance to my luck. Maybe someday... That someday never came. My workplace, my home, people in my life remain the same. They have no idea, how much their attitude kept hurting me. 

Now a day, I'm thinking maybe I should do something only for myself. Maybe that will give me a little bit happier. Without expecting from anyone else I'm trying to make myself happy, finally. No, I didn't step back from my job, home or people, but giving a little time, spending a little money for myself.

Biography 14: Kotkoti (Bangladeshi sweet snacks)

Image Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8cG5sfmI9I

 

Kotkoti is a sweet snack.

Earlier in Dhaka (Bangladesh), there was some professional guy who use to go to the houses to collect cristal bottles to recycle. Instead of giving money, they use to give food, Kotkoti. They bring the food in a round box, made with tin. They had a small hammer and an iron pin to break the hard Kotkoti and measured it. Then give it to the children of the house. It was a very popular snack for children. In those days, people didn't use plastic bottles, so it was easy for the kids to collect bottles made of glass. Now a day, it's not available in Bangladesh as the way it was.

I remember I used to stand by the Kotkoti man and wait patiently when he will give us Kotkoti. My cousin brothers didn't want to miss a bit. While the man was breaking the Kotkoti one of my brothers use to grab all the powder fall on the box before Kotkoti man stopped him, he uses to run away.

Image Source: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/454300681159532929/

After moving into Canada, I have found almost the same dish! One of our colleagues who is from German made this dish for us. He said this is German's traditional dish. His family owns a restaurant. They are all are very good at cooking. He already cracked and bring us small pieces of Kotkoti. I'm sorry, I forget the German name of it.

A sweet Hindi song

 If you don't understand Hindi, don't try to translate with any tools. That says totally wrong.

Lyrics Tera Badan Poora Tera Ilaaka Maine Na Jhaka Mana Tu Lady Gaga Main Daku Nahi Hu Na Dalunga Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tum Meri Tum Meri Ho Na Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Mohabbat Jo Ho Gayi Hai Toh Dikha Hi Do Do Do Mera Badan Poora Maera Ilaaka Tune Kyun Jhaka Haan Main Hu Lady Gaga Tu Daku Wahi Hai Tu Dalega Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tujhe Mera Tujhe Mera Hona Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Pehna Tune Kurta Jo Peela Uspe Gir Gayi Thodi Si Takeela Kurta Tera Ho Gaya Geela Geela Geela Geela Geela Mera Bhi Mizaz Rangeela Nakhre Tere Jaise Ho Sheela Badan Tera Tera Nasheela Sheela Sheela Sheela Nasheela Tu Aag Hai Aag Hai Nahi Tera Koyi Jawab Hai Chupa Na Chupa Na Chupa Na Dikha Tere Badan Ka Kona Kona Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Tera Badan Poora Tera Ilaka Maine Na Jhaka Mana Tu Lady Gaga Main Daku Nahi Hu Na Dalunga Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tonny Kakkar Ki Hona Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Mohabbat Jo Ho Gayi Hai Toh Dikha Hi Do Do Do

Don't feel guilt

Don't feel guilt,

if you left me.

Don't try to set me up with someone else.

You couldn't stay with me,

Then you don't know me.

You don't know my taste.

You just left me,

freeze me out,

became silent with me,

 ignore me or block me.

Just leave,

I will let you go always smoothly.

Just don't try to fix my life.

Let me find my path to living,

find my guy,

Who will never hesitate to stand for me,

will never get bore on me,

will never get irritated with me,

will never get tired to love me.

Let me find my guy,

let me live like me, happy.

If I'm still talking with you, that's only because I wanted to be nice with my life.

From the bottom of my heart, I salute you

 We were in honours final year, at the University of Dhaka. For our study tour, we went to Cox's Bazar. Here we have the world's longest beach beside the Bay of Bengal.

As far as I remember Chaity with a bunch of her other friends asked me and Shumi to go a little deeper into the ocean. They were holding hands with each other and made a circle. We joined. Whenever any wave comes, we jumped. It was really amazing. They continued to go deeper. Water came near to my chick. Shumi almost got drowned. Chaity and I decided, it really became difficult for Shumi so I and Shumi will go back to the land. We hold our hands and slowly moving towards the land. In the meantime, a strong wave pushed from our backside, mainly I felt the hit on my feet and it moved my feet upward. I drowned in the water. The moment I was falling inside the water I had held my breath. Then I tried to put my feet on the sand but I couldn't because of the water force moving forward. I tried to take my head up but another wave was running from the land to the water which didn't let my head go up. I tried to draw the picture (Very poor, please ignore my drawing capability) to describe the situation. 

Because of both different directions strong wave, I couldn't eighter go up or put my feet down on the sand. I have started thinking who saw me get drowned? Maybe no one. let's wait, maybe the wave will take me near the land. The way I'm telling the story you might think it took a long time, but actually a few seconds pasts.

Suddenly I felt, someone, is holding my hand and trying to pull me up. I hold that person's hand too, to go up. But then the hand went away. I understood, that person might be thinking I will hold tightly and will make that person drowned too. So I have started waiting for those hands. It came and hold me again. This time I didn't try to hold back. That person pulled me near Shumi and Shumi noticed me in the water. She pulled me out by grabbing my headscarf. I could start breathing and stand on my feet. Then walked to the land.

After all this trouble, when I could start thinking normally, I look around to know who helped me in the water. I have asked Shumi too, did she hold my hand? She said, no. I couldn't find anyone who tells me that they helped me or asked me whether I'm ok or not.

I have thought about this many times all these years. Who was it? Is it any unknown people? Maybe not, because we were kind of surrounded by our classmates. But no one was near me. As far as I could think. After the incident, Saleh used to say to his other friends that "You guys get drowned at the knee lever water!" I had a doubt about him but never asked. Didn't know what he will think if I asked.

After all these years, recently I asked him. Did he know that I drowned at the Bay of Bengal? He replied, Yes.

Me, "Was it you, who saved me?"

Saleh, with a big smile "Yes, it was me"

Oh Allah, and I didn't know. You are the only person I guess who noticed that I get drowned. Thank you, my friend. From the bottom of my heart, I salute you.