When I was taking my training in Bangladesh Shishu Academy and Bulbul Lalito Kola Academy on Dancing and later Singing, I have learnt what is called "Networking". Those students get a good chance to come to the front and take the main character of the show, whose parents make very good networking with the teachers. First I saw talking with teachers and laughing and investing time with them, then I saw the rise of the students. I don't know whether money played a role over here or not. But I didn't like it. I don't like it even now.
I believe talent should be the first thing to choose when you select anyone for anything. If you really want to grow your company, society or country. And dishonesty should be the first thing to deselect any person no matter how much talent they have.
So, when later, my talent get the attention of the teachers, they were very good to us. some of them asked us to take them to whom to our parents. I didn't even inform our parents. Still, my mom doesn't know about it. Some of the students later asked me, the teacher wanted to go your home, did he? I said, NO. Nothing wrong to become very close to your teacher, but this may create that networking result. Which mostly makes favouritism in the long run. I never support it.
There is another hidden reason behind all these. My mom doesn't care who is in front of her when she gets angry. So, I had fear, she might say something strong to our teacher, then I have to leave to course.
Maybe because of this not networking attitude, today, I am nowhere. The world, especially Canada lives on networking and favouritism.
People do business for profit. So, when they recruited people, their intention is to pay as little as possible and make them work more. To make employers happy many employees do extra work. Sometimes that works for them, sometimes not.
If any employer does anything extra, I mean to give any extra benefit which employee didn't expect or in competition, other employers don't give that benefit, can make a big change in the workplace. I won't say then every employee will do better. But some will. Moreover, most of the employees won't think to leave that company because of that extra benefit.
For example, I know a company that provided lunch in the office. When that company was in a bad situation, it couldn't pay wages on time, but continued the lunch system. I was really surprised to see that employees stayed without getting enough wages. They knew it is pending and someday the company will pay all and they kept working. They were happy with the lunch system, didn't want to miss it.
In the Bangladesh Shishu Academy, every month they use to arrange some functions on several occasions. Students from dance and singing class use to perform over there.
My mom has good relation with the program manager. She is now settled in the USA. Mom asked her, why don't they add performance from the guitar class? She wasn't stubborn, she listened to the suggestion and from the next function, students from the guitar class also started performing. This is how my older sister also gets a chance to do stage performances. I have done both dance and singing performances on stage. Even once I joined with the guitar performers too. No, I didn't play guitar, though I knew a little bit. I was with them by playing (In Bangla Jhunjhuni) rattle.
Sometimes our dance teacher took us to his private performances in different places. Now I can assume he got paid for those.
As I said, we became very used to performing on stage. So this became one of our favourite time pass activities at home. At the top of the wardrobe, table, chair, stools or any flat thing used as a stage and we four sisters use to perform on that. This activity was generally done at noon when my mom and dad use to sleep at the weekend. We never understood when our voice or noise became so loud that always at the end my mom used to come to us very angry (Because she couldn't sleep) and beat us up. That means show-stopped this way.
I use to dance everywhere in the house and anytime, whenever I felt like it. Like wearing a new dress or somehow I became happy etc. One day I was dancing on the wooden big wardrobe (In Bangladesh furniture is made very strong of wood). It was one of our regular stages. I noticed through the window this place is visible from a local grocery store. A few boys were watching me and laughing. First I felt a little embarrassed, then I said, it's ok, let them do whatever they want.
Usually, I don't mind what other people think about me. Unless they started disturbing or harmful to me.
When our house was getting ready, I use to visit that place. I liked to see how they mix all the materials with cement, then put bricks one after another, how they do all of the woodwork for doors, windows etc. I think every kid likes to watch construction work. Sometimes I felt I can do those work too. Never get a chance to do it.
In those days many workers use to come and work, like construction labours, woodworkers, electricians and many more. I even didn't know all of them. Most of them were very nice to us. I understood because we were the owner's kids. One of them was very nice to our family. He use to give hugs all. Especially me. He didn't do anything else, just hug. And I felt very uncomfortable. When he tried to hug me I use to run away. But he run after me, laughing and told me, "You have to give me some affection (In Bangla 'Ador') before you go". Then got me somehow and give me a tight hug. I hate it so much.
He use to do this in front of everyone. I told my mom, I don't like this guy. My mom asked, why? I couldn't say why, because he just hugged me.
I started avoiding that building. Unless all work is done. Keep distance from that guy as much as possible. Like when he comes to us to meet our parents I use to stay in my own room. Not to give him any more chance.
One thing, I want to tell all parents and adults. If any kid says about anyone that I don't like him/her, don't force them to meet with that person. Let them stay away from them. I am not saying everyone is an abuser. But kids can't say more, if anyhow they express their feelings, respect that and help them to feel safe.
I think people make more mistakes when they have more options. It is very difficult to understand which option will be the best for you. No matter what you choose, you will get some negative side of that thing too. You never know which one could be the best suited for you. I can't use all options to get the right one.
People took the right decision when they don't have options to pick. Then they can think clearly. Nothing is there to distract their mind. They know what they need, want, possibly can have, can live with it, what are the consequences, what can be the future of that option etc.
Maybe that's why most of the successful people came from those families who doesn't have much to choose from.
We were living in a rented apartment in Bangladesh. Our parents rented the apartment near to our own land. Where our parents started building their own house. You know what happens when people make their own house for the first time. My mom wanted so many things in that house and most of them were very new for a home in Bangladesh on those days. Like she put two kinds of window shades. One is wooden (To prevent everything) another one is with a net (To avoid mosquitos). In those days no one made like that. Most of the houses in our area were 1/2/3 storied in that area. Our parents first made 5 storied buildings. So, it became the tallest building in that area. My mom wanted to cover the outside wall with red ceramic bricks. But to reduce costs they put it at the front side only. Mom wanted to design with broken colourful glasses, my dad stopped her by saying it will like masjeeds. She also made cabinets in the kitchen by the local wood makers. People really didn't have those at that time. People laughed a lot at mom and dad because they were expending more money than general people do. But it was their dream house and they have the experience to live abroad and other cultures, so I understand.
Some beauty you enjoy more when you stay far away.
When you see pictures of deserts. Like camels are walking, people with very colourful dresses dancing, pictures of the sand storm, sunset in the desert etc. They all look very beautiful from far away. I won't say they don't when you stay close, but then you are also feeling the heat of the desert, sands go into your mouth and nose. Beauty comes with some consequences. When you are in the AC room, you can only see the beauty, you don't have to feel it physical hardship. I mean you are already in a comfortable position and enjoying the pictures of the desert, you may have no idea that beauty came with some terrible weather.
The same thing happens when you see the beauty of snow and winter in a cooler country. You can never imagine how painful cold can be if you never lived there.
When you see a beautiful happy family from far away, you actually can never guess what exactly happening in their life. Life isn't that beautiful, it's not heaven. That's why sometimes we see a girl/wife/husband from a happy family suddenly suicide/broke up/run away. You can't judge other's life from far away.
I liked to draw. OK, no laughing. No matter what was the outcome, I really liked drawing, mostly colouring pictures (Which had been drawn by someone else). In our primary (Elementary) school books, there were pictures drawn by any artists on every chapter, not coloured. I use to colour them, oh I loved that. That's why I use to colour one picture in a day so that I can have more days to colour those pictures.
In high school first thing that disheartened me is there is no picture in the books.
I had a plain paper book. I use to draw over there. Mostly scene. Whatever I could see, it could be from real-life or some pictures. I tried to draw exactly as it is. I never try to draw humans. I felt it is very difficult.
Every day one page. It was part of my everyday routine.
I think I continued like this till my school life (Grade 10). I never showed it to anyone. Because it wasn't good enough.
In our childhood, we had a popular game, which we use to play with our dad. We 4 sisters brought 4 pieces of paper. My dad use to draw the same designed lines on each of the four papers. We had to draw something with it by using our own imaginations. By this time father use to watch TV. After drawing something we brought back the paper to dad. Dad's duty was to give marks on each picture. You can guess who had got the lowest mark. I use to get angry at dad. I always believed I have shown enough creativity and made very good pictures.
Later in my educational life, I had to draw and all the teachers use to say, it's not good, but OK.
My grandfather could draw very well. My dad and mom too. But my gene doesn't have good drawing quality. My son proved that. In Bangladesh, he got failed in drawing (When he was in kindergarten). I had to take him to a private tutor for drawing only expectation was to make him pass the exam. He didn't want to draw over there too. The tutor complaint about that.
After moving to Canada, for the first, I have seen him drawing and colouring with excitement. He said, no matter how he draws, the teacher encourages him. So, he felt free to draw for the first time. Previously he felt it was a punishment. But his drawing quality is still very poor. I know, it's my gene. But when he is making designs in Adobe Photoshop or illustrator, I can see he really has good hands and creativity. You can some here https://www.facebook.com/Syed-Ali-Shafeen-1241548329229959
Whatever your intention is, good or bad, you will succeed only if you have intelligence. However, if you are stupid, maybe sometimes luck will help you, but most of the time or at the end you will taste the failure.
Look at the world. All successful person is intelligent. You won't find a single stupid successful person.
I am not discouraging you or myself. Generally, stupid people are the happiest person in this world. They rely on miracles because they don't have enough brains to make them happen. Most of the time they have no idea about upcoming troubles. If you don't know that someone is enjoying your benefits, your right is not given, you suppose to have a better life, people are not listening to scientist recommendation, soon all will suffer. I mean, when you don't know about any trouble or don't understand about it, you are happy.
Do you know who suffers most in this world? Who understand everything and can't do anything about it. I mean who has enough intelligence to understand all the negative things happening around them (Or the world) and but they are not intelligent enough or courageous enough to fight and get what they really own. These people can't force or make wrong things stop and establish the right. These people can't be happy that they don't take the wrong things (Even if they can) but they even don't get their rights too. When you understand what you should have and do not get it, you can't be happy.
I have seen in Saudi, authorities don't bother what is kid's footwear is. In Canada, as long as you are wearing running shoes, the school doesn't bother what is its design or colour.
But Bangladeshi schools are very strict with shoes. Kids had to wear given colour's school shoes. Which are specially designed to wear in schools. Generally, kids don't wear them in other places.
I like running shoes. I have seen school girls always like to wear fancy shoes in school. They did it, hiding from the teachers. I never did. Mostly because I am very obedient to rules. But another reason is I like running shoes. I wear it whenever it is possible. I know it looks odd with some dresses. You know, a woman can't wear running shoes with all dresses. Especially in the workplace. So I had to buy another kind of shoes.
My next favourite footwear was high heels. I stopped wearing that because I found boys feel ashamed if they found a girl taller than them. So, I have changed all of my sandals and shoes flat. Now even if I try I can't wear high heels. I became used to wearing flat shoes. It's healthy too.
I have seen this always, everywhere. When any negative incident happens, no matter what, if that is linked or just slightly linked to any woman. Then everyone will think, including all women, that the negative incident happened because of that woman.
For example, car accidents, airplane crashes, broken relationships, husband-wife trouble, rape, shoplifting, out of control kids. Anything, you name it, all because of women.
Just check, when you or anyone give any information about an incident, how the people around you or your friends or relatives react. You will see, whenever they get to know, a woman was there when that incident happened, they will think, because of her all of this happened. Directly or indirectly.
When men talk like this, I can understand. They are not ready to accept any faults. But I am really surprised when women think like that. They love and respect men so much, that even they are ready to take all the blame. Sometimes parents do this when their girl and boy fight or do any mistake. "Boys will be boys", this term has been created to ignore all wrong things that boys do. It's like, Girls, it's your mistake that boys did such a thing. Or from childhood, their mind has been created in this way that in Bangla they say, "Purush manush, or ki dosh? Oto emon ektu korbei. Shob dosh to oi meyer".
As long as we never get the real person, who is the real culprit, you can't think that crime will stop. Every time when anyone can get away, especially men. They will keep doing and thinking like that.
If you go to any market in Saudi Arabia, you will see they are selling big size plates. Those are not just serving plates. People eat on those plates.
Whenever we visited anybody's home, they serve us food with fragrant rice and meat. In South Asia, we called in Biriyani. But Saudi people made it in a little different way. They put lots of tomatoes in it and all cooks mainly with Garam masala. That rice is called Kapcha. Maybe because of Garam masala, the fragrance of the food is amazing and the taste is very delicious.
First, They put the plate on the carpet, then they will put rice on that big plate and at the top, they will put the meat. It could be chicken or Dumba (A kind of lamb). Salads will be added. Then all the people will sit around that plate. Some plates are too big that 30/40 people can eat at a time.
As far as I understand, it is the joy of eating together. In Saudi, there is no rule that men will eat first, then women. Like we see in South Asia. Over there men and women will eat at the same time in different rooms. The host will join too. All take food together. The host always keeps an eye on the guests, who are liking which item (All items are mainly mixed with the rice). Then the host will give more of that item to that guest before they ask for it. After taking food all guests helps the host to clean up everything. Then they sit together and enjoy the time, mostly by talking with each other.
Little different culture than the Bangladeshi or Canadian. But nice and warm. This tradition is not only for the guests. The family members also eat like this.
They are also aware of other cultures. Sometimes they offer us small plates, as we were kids and not eating much. The host noticed and guessed maybe we were not used to eating on the big plate.
I never use the bathroom or bathtub to wash my foot for Adhu (Oju) or cleaning. I always put my feet on the basin. That seems easy for me. In Bangladesh when we were living in a rented apartment we had a small basin in our dining area. I think maybe my mom warned me that the way I am using, it may break, but I didn't listen. My mom was right. One day when I was putting my leg back to the floor somehow the basin/sink moved and dropped on the floor. It was made of ceramic. It broke into parts. My parents got afraid. He thought he have to buy a new one. But they didn't know any plumber to fit it. So, they had called our landlord.
Our law uncle came and visit our house in the afternoon. My dad pointed me, to tell him who is the culprit. But uncle was very calm. He said, no worry, he will fix it. As far as I know, he didn't take money for it. I like this uncle.
When there is not enough trust, it's really difficult to continue any kind of relationship over there. For example, a person is living or surrounded by some people. Those people are toxic. Every now and then they make some bad information or comment on me. Then the person starts making distance with me. After some time that person may be clear things with me. Or just start talking again by keeping those bad words about me in their mind. What kind of relationship is that? If I could clear then fine, or again some more distance will be created.
I am tired of this kind of relationship. Why can't people trust me enough that other toxic people can't pollute our relationship? I am not going to put any effort to keep this kind of person in my life. They are good, but I am not good enough in their mind.
I was never a good athlete. But I liked to play. I use to run a lot, but my speed wasn't good enough to win any competition. In our primary (Elementary) school, they always arrange annual sports competitions. I had tried the marble-spoon game in the competition. In this game kids needed to carry a marble on a spoon and the spoon can be held only by mouth. But I never practiced at home so didn't know, how fast actually I can go with it. In the beginning, I was out because of running too slow. I couldn't have any courage to try to win any physical game after that.
In grade 5 I was in a new school. I wanted to try skipping rope. But I didn't have enough height to join. Next year I tried to join that event again, this time I couldn't get selected because my height was too much. I never try to join in any competition in the annual sports again in school or anywhere.
In our local area, people always play badminton in the winter. Our parents also bought us a racket set. I have learned how to play. Still doesn't know the game rule 100%. But I played and I'm sure I was not good enough to play with the experts. In our area every winter they arranged a competition on Badminton. I never went to see that event. But from home I could hear them because of the loud mic.
At work one day we went to Brac Center for a picnic. I had to try to play cricket. Because they were one man short and accidentally I had made the highest score in batting.
Now I became too heavy to think about any physical game. Watching cricket on TV works for me.
I'm a quiet type of person. I don't talk if I don't need to. I heard when I was a child, it was impossible to keep me quiet. But I don't remember those days.
I do remember that I use to talk a lot on the landline phone. I liked it because I couldn't see the caller's facial expression. So, I didn't have to worry whether they like my talking or not. Another reason is it was one to one connection. No one is there to interrupt. I always prefer one-to-one conversation. This works more for me.
I use to talk about many things with my friends. My problems, their situations, or any other topic. Sometimes when I knew the person can sing I had asked them to sing a song for me. Most of the people sang this one. It's not that they like me or love me, they just choose to sing it.
I liked to dance whenever I listen to any beautiful music, or wear a new dress or just because I'm happy. My uncle (My mom's oldest brother) suggested my mom teach me dancing. My mom took 4 daughters to Bangladesh Shishu Academy. My youngest sister was too young to get admitted, so the older 3 of us get admitted. My mom admitted my older sister to learning guitar. I was admitted to singing and my younger sister Sonia was dancing.
After admission, I was attending to our orientation class. Suddenly my mom came and take me out of the class. She said, Sonia is feeling very shy, she is not dancing at all. So, you have to go to the dance class, she may feel better and join the class. So, I get admitted to the dance class and started learning dancing. My four-year-long dance learning started from here.
Sonia decided not to dance. So, mom took her to the drawing class. Here she started drawing. Though sometimes after my session, when I go to her class to take her home, my mom said, she didn't finish her painting (She is too lazy) so complete her painting. I have no problem, so I use to complete her painting and submit it to the teacher. I think, sometimes, I made it worse. My painting was never good. But I like to do the painting. I had a notebook. I uses to draw many things, mostly nature in it.
While I was learning dance, my mom get to know, I need to learn classical dance If I want to improve my dance. So, mom took 3 of us to the Bulbul Lalitokola Academy. Where I joined the dance class, my older sister was in guitar and Sonia was in the singing class.
Then, here a temporary classical dancer came. My mom asked him to teach me to dance. He is from the Krishno Ray family. Who were famous for dance. He taught me Monipuri dance (Male version). He also started teaching me gypsy, kathak etc. But then he got a chance to work at Bangla movie as a choreographer. So he left. I must say, I was also not very serious about learning. I was just passing my time. I could dance well so, I didn't put much effort into it.
On those days every week, we uses to expend two days in each Academy. My classmates knew I could dance. Sometimes I had danced in the class, in front of my friend or relative. My mom took me to many children's dance competitions. I always get prizes on those.
One day my mom took me to Bangladesh Television. Because they announced to joined one of their program for the 1st day of Boishak. I went there and give the audition. From hundreds of girls, I have got selected and get performed in the TV program "Chhoy ritur ei desh" (The country of six seasons). My main performance was in the Spring section and I had also performed the winter section. Here I have got my first earnings tk65.
Sometimes parents unintentionally make kids selfish.
For example, you have a couple of kids. Among them, some are good in their study and some are not. To encourage the good ones, you always give them something extra. Like chocolate, good food or give more amount of food. You give this extra benefit without informing the other kids. Because you don't want them to cry for it or to get disheartened. Or sometimes, they know about it.
Now the genius ones know that they are getting extra for their extra marks or effort on their study. So, they are the superior in the family. Hopefully, they will continue to do good in study or better.
When everyone grows up, you will see, the people who got extra in childhood are always expecting extra. No matter what if they get a chance, they are taking the best one, they don't share and sometimes they will hide things so that they won't have to share with others. Or we can say they became very selfish. Because this is how they get raised. You have made them like that.
I never liked to do academic study. In grade 2, I placed 2nd. Then our first boy left the school. From our home, everybody thought now I will place 1. But next year, I placed 3rd. Then next was worse. But I didn't know about that because from grade 5 I have moved to another school. It was a bigger school and more meritorious students were here to compete. Maybe I have placed 7th. Then as usual it continues to worse to worsen. I didn't mind. I never try to achieve anything. Things always come to me, easily.
In grade 8 we had a test to be selected to join for an exam for a government scholarship. The amount was small, but it was prestigious. I thought I will get a chance to sit for the exam. But it was a piece of shocking news for me. I failed. For the first time. My whole world get changed, how did I get failed? I stopped doing anything else but study. I uses to call one of my friends Bably to know what was the syllabus. I didn't know it. I had a couple of days to study for the final exam of grade 8. In this exam, I surprised all of my teachers by making my position 2.
The first girl's name is Mita. Now a day she is living in the USA.
From grade 9 we had to choose whether we want to study science or humanities subjects. My parents told me to take humanities, as I'm not good at math. The girl who placed 1st went to the science group and I went to humanities. So for the first time, my place in the class became 1st.
But later I became the same, with no interest in academic study. In SSC, when my marks came I saw I didn't place STAND (First 20 in the division) only for 1 mark. I still think, maybe I should take my study more seriously.
In my Masters' exam, the same thing happened. I didn't get first division just for one mark. What can I say, maybe the universe doesn't want me to do so.
My mom wanted to make one of her kid doctors, another one a lawyer. She said this many times, it is very helpful for a family if they have a doctor and a lawyer in the family.
She wanted to make my older sister a doctor. Because she is very good in academic study. But she never wanted to be a doctor. I was very afraid of needles. If a lab tester put their needles in her body to take some blood to test, she got faint. To stop my mother's pressure she had started doing her study in commerce.
According to my parents, I was very poor in math (Or study). So, there is no chance that I can study science or can get admitted to a medical college. But my mom wanted me to be a lawyer. She said once, the way I put logic in arguments she believe I can do good in law. But again, I thought the law isn't an interesting subject. I liked to travel all around the world. So, I did my major in Geography & Environment.
My 3rd sister is Sonia. She didn't like to do study, but she was the most meritorious student among all siblings. So, we all decided she will be the doctor. She didn't make up her mind before we had already made her study in a medical college. She didn't mind and now she became the doctor in our family.
She got married to a doctor too. Now a day, whenever we have any health-related consult, we go to them. I understand now, why mom wanted a doctor in the family. I don't know what they feel about doing free health services to the whole family. I hope not bad.
My fourth sister gave a lot of trouble to my parent in studying. My parents had no hope that she can ever become a doctor. But the reality is she became a dentist. She got married to a dentist. So, now we have two dentists in the family. For any dental problem, we go to them, sometimes they had to help us with the medical problems too. We get discounts in their dental clinic too. My sister and her husband became very helpful in the family.
But we don't have a lawyer. I really feel now, we should have a lawyer too.
In our primary(Elementary) school in Bangladesh, we had an annual prize ceremony day. It is a tradition in schools, all over Bangladesh.
The school arranges beautiful cultural performances in this function. Like dance, singing, poem recitation etc. In the end, the teacher started calling all the students' names, who are going to get a prize. There were two sections for this prize. One section is for education and cultural (Dance, recite a poem, singing, educational achievement etc) side and another side is sports. For education and cultural competition, prizes were books. For sports, prizes were crockeries.
I didn't see this kind of annual activity in Canada. I think we should try in here too. It's really fun for both teachers and students.
In the annual ceremony, teachers use to make huge arrangements. They decorated the whole school. Expertise came to prepare the stage. Then they bought prizes. Books were on one side and the crockeries on another side. The crockeries were in different colours, jugs, cups, plates and many other items. You can amazing how my heart cries to have those.
I was never good at any sports. I have never won any prize in sports, never get any crockeries as a prize. I have got prized to take place in the class, for my attendance, dance, singing, reciting poems etc. So, all I have got is books. Now I can understand that the books were priceless. I still have them at my mother's house. But if I had got crockeries, I wouldn't have any of them now. Though my heart still wants kitchen items.
Recently I have broken a couple of plates, accedently. Good for me. So, now I can have some plates ;)
