Biography 17: Dance

 I think, after learning how to jump, I didn't waste any single day without jumping or running till teenage. One day my parent took me to watch a movie in the cinema hall. We were waiting outside for tickets. In the meantime, someone played a popular movie song. I recognized that and screamed, it's my dad's song then started dancing. My mom said she felt very embarrassed at that moment. I still don't know why? Why in our country (Bangladesh) people don't like to see a girl dancing, jumping around as she wanted.

Because of too much movement, my uncle (My mom's older brother) asked my mom to teach me to dance. My mom first admitted me to Bangladesh Shishu Academy in the dancing class. I had learned dancing over there for 4 years. Every month they had some program, and because of that, I became used to dancing on the stage. Sometimes our teacher took us out for an outdoor performance.

Then mom realized to become good at dancing, I should learn classical dance too. She took me to Bulbul Lalito Kola Academy. Here I had learned dancing for 4 years too. I attended both places at the same time.

At Bulbul Academy one day we have got a substitute teacher, Mr. Shingho Roy. His family was traditionally involved with classical dance. My mom wanted me to learn better so she asked him to join as a private tutor for my dance. He agreed, for a couple of months, he teaches me Manipuri dance, Kathak, Gypsy dance. Later he became a dance instructor in the movie so couldn't give me time.

I didn't realize it in my childhood but now I understand, why my mom put so much effort into my dancing. She knew I'm not going to take it as a profession. But I was doing really well. On those days I have competed in many kids competitions at the dancing section. And each and every time I have got prizes.

During those days I have joined a TV program too. It was a Bangla New Year celebration program. The of the program was "Chhoy ritur ei desh"/ The country of six seasons. I was at the Spring dance and side performer in the winter part. This was my very first earning. I had taka 65 for this performance.

In those days, I use to choreograph my own performances. Especially for the competition and stage show.

I was very young, but during this period of time, I realize, how people make good relations with teachers and get benefited, people use the money to get a better chance etc. And I knew, I'm never going to do this kind of act.

I have stopped learning and dancing on the stage when I was in grade 5. I knew I wasn't the best at dancing, but I knew this too that I was very good at dancing. Wherever I danced, people liked it so much.

I had a dream, someday I will dance with my man, romantic dance types or just holding together in the music. Someday I want to dance with my son too. I want it a little bit funny way. Till now he said, he has no interest in dancing. Let's see.

We judge

 

We judge people, intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes we judge them by their name, dress, work etc. Then based on our judgement, we put our own expectations. Especially in competition. If that person can't stand our expectation, we became angry, sad, irritated. Not on our judgment, but on that person. We started thinking that person is wrong, they couldn't come up with our expectations. 

We never think, that our judgment can be wrong. We believe that our thinking is best for them. We know what can make that person happy. The truth is we may not reach that person's satisfactory level. Maybe that person is doing something for some other reason, which we don't know, or can't think about. We never think, what may make us happy, may not good enough for others. They want something else which we don't think important.

 Let me give you an example. When we see a couple's picture, we started judging, this is not a good match. Because their culture doesn't match, their beauty is not matching, their social status, job or for our own benefit or anything else. But can you see that couple's heart? How happy are they with each other? Is your satisfaction more important than couples?

If they break up then you will say, Yes, I knew it. Excuse me, maybe they had a very enjoyable moment that you can never think about or never had. Now for their own good they had decided to stay apart. Your life, enjoyment has nothing to do with their life. Let them be happy, either by staying with or without.

We better keep our nose out from other's personal happiness. No matter how close friends we are. Because the same thing can happen with us by other's judgement.

Biography 16: Slide

 Before I became 3 years old, I get admitted to Will Little Flower school. In the playground, my main focus was on a big slide. But I was too small to try and I had to climb up at the top with big steps. I remember I had climbed up somehow, but couldn't get the courage to get down by sliding. Because of me, others couldn't play. They were asking me to go down. I looked at the stairs. They were way too big to try to go down. So, finally, I had to sit down and let the slide take me to go down. Later I have seen other kids use to hold both sides to slow down the speed. I didn't know that and the slide was too sleeper. It quickly takes me down with big force. Obviously, I couldn't hold at the bottom, I fall down, kind of lay down. Nobody laughed. Some kids help me to stand up. Maybe I got hurt too. After that, I have decided no more sliding. I didn't.

After grown up, I have started sliding at the water park. Trust me, still, fears try to hold me down. But somehow I just put myself in it. Then try to enjoy the fear.

Some people think women are not good enough like men.

 I have both male and female friends. I talk, discuss and enjoy their conversations. When I hang out with male friends, sometimes they forget a female is with them, and they just talk about any topic. When I spend time with female friends, in most cases, they talk about the facts of males which someone has experienced. 

But I have seen male friends mostly just make their own judgments about women. The examples are very few and in most cases not related. They just think, they know about women and women are not good enough like men. Even a few women also think like this.

Let me give you an example. When I was studying at the University, a song became very popular in Bangladesh, "Buri hoilam tor karone...(Because of you, I became old/weak)". A female was singing the song because she was not getting the same payment as men. She was working as construction labour.

One of our University teachers told us in the class, how foolish is this! A woman can't work like a man, look at the physical difference between them! How come she expects the same payment as men. This was his Assumption.

I get to hear from a known contractor that they always try to recruit as many women as labour as possible. Because women work better, they are easy to manage, they don't waste much time on smoking and they accept less payment. For their own benefit contractors want women labour. And this is the fact, not an assumption.

I have talked with a 12-year-old boy. He was thinking that men are better cooks than women. I asked him, why? Because most of the chefs are men. When a woman can cook well, she stays home and cooks for her family and relatives. No one wants them to take a profession as a chef. When a man cooks well, people will encourage him to become a chef. If you look, most of the chef's wife and mother cooks better than them. If you look at any cooking competition, you will see both male-female are doing well. The boy checked cooking shows and said, actually women are good at it.

Biography 15: Henna

 In my childhood, we lived in our grandparent's house with them. Later my father became the owner of the house. After moving out from that house, the tenant lived there for a long time. Then my dad sold that house to support the expenses. Though he didn't get all the money, a middle person took a big part of it.

Image source: https://youtu.be/_magzq70kU4

Beside that house, there was a henna tree. It was about 5 feet long. It had big leaves and its colour was very dark. If anyone put it on the palm for a long time, the colour would become darkish red. Our neighbours always took the leaves during Eid and other occasions. I have seen girls use to mash the leaves on "Sheel pata"/ GRINDSTONES. Then the mashed leaves looked like cow dung. So, obviously, I didn't want to put that on my hand. Girls use to use a small stick, sometimes matches to make a design on the hand.

Later in our city "Beauty parlour" culture came. Then they started using a cone to make a henna design on people's hands. By this time, I grew up and understood the difference between cow dung and henna. I liked the cone style and always try to make some designs during Eid, twice a year. Still, I make designs on my hand during Eid. I'm not good at it, but I like the smell of henna. When I was living in Bangladesh, at home I put henna on everyone's hand. Even I tried to motivate boys to put some henna design on their palms. Sometimes succeed. Especially I did this on my dad's hand. He liked it too. But then when he went to the mosque, started feeling shame and tried to hide his hand.

Now a day I try to convince my son to put henna, but he said, it looks like cow dung, I'm not going to touch it.

Some people stay in mind

When any people do something that hurts you, what do you with those people? The most civilized way is to ignore them.

I don't talk much. So, it's a little difficult to understand whether I'm just not talking or ignoring people. I kept all of them connected in social media. I can't put negative thoughts about any person unless I'm 100% sure I can't tolerate this person anymore. 

I just can't push out people from my head. With time, the way those people act/react to me is important for me. Most of them did such a hateful attitude that their activities took them out of my heart. I needed this, just to say to myself, see what you had thought about this person. This helps me see, the true colour of a person.

Some people proved themself that they have a very good heart. I may not talk with all of them, but they stay in my heart. I like them. Maybe we don't talk, but we can talk anytime like we never stopped talking.

For myself

I have done so many things or I should say most of the things in my life because I should. I never run after my own desire or happiness. No matter what, I never give up on anything or anyone, unless that thing or person has given up on me. In jobs, I tried my best to stay. No matter how much I get bullied and humiliated. So, many times I felt people are using me like a doormat. But still, I stayed unless something happens that I can't accept anymore. In relation, I tried, I never force but I tried. In almost all cases, people left me. If stays, keep hurting me. I tolarated everything. Because I wanted to give chance to my luck. Maybe someday... That someday never came. My workplace, my home, people in my life remain the same. They have no idea, how much their attitude kept hurting me. 

Now a day, I'm thinking maybe I should do something only for myself. Maybe that will give me a little bit happier. Without expecting from anyone else I'm trying to make myself happy, finally. No, I didn't step back from my job, home or people, but giving a little time, spending a little money for myself.

Biography 14: Kotkoti (Bangladeshi sweet snacks)

Image Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8cG5sfmI9I

 

Kotkoti is a sweet snack.

Earlier in Dhaka (Bangladesh), there was some professional guy who use to go to the houses to collect cristal bottles to recycle. Instead of giving money, they use to give food, Kotkoti. They bring the food in a round box, made with tin. They had a small hammer and an iron pin to break the hard Kotkoti and measured it. Then give it to the children of the house. It was a very popular snack for children. In those days, people didn't use plastic bottles, so it was easy for the kids to collect bottles made of glass. Now a day, it's not available in Bangladesh as the way it was.

I remember I used to stand by the Kotkoti man and wait patiently when he will give us Kotkoti. My cousin brothers didn't want to miss a bit. While the man was breaking the Kotkoti one of my brothers use to grab all the powder fall on the box before Kotkoti man stopped him, he uses to run away.

Image Source: https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/454300681159532929/

After moving into Canada, I have found almost the same dish! One of our colleagues who is from German made this dish for us. He said this is German's traditional dish. His family owns a restaurant. They are all are very good at cooking. He already cracked and bring us small pieces of Kotkoti. I'm sorry, I forget the German name of it.

A sweet Hindi song

 If you don't understand Hindi, don't try to translate with any tools. That says totally wrong.

Lyrics Tera Badan Poora Tera Ilaaka Maine Na Jhaka Mana Tu Lady Gaga Main Daku Nahi Hu Na Dalunga Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tum Meri Tum Meri Ho Na Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Mohabbat Jo Ho Gayi Hai Toh Dikha Hi Do Do Do Mera Badan Poora Maera Ilaaka Tune Kyun Jhaka Haan Main Hu Lady Gaga Tu Daku Wahi Hai Tu Dalega Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tujhe Mera Tujhe Mera Hona Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Pehna Tune Kurta Jo Peela Uspe Gir Gayi Thodi Si Takeela Kurta Tera Ho Gaya Geela Geela Geela Geela Geela Mera Bhi Mizaz Rangeela Nakhre Tere Jaise Ho Sheela Badan Tera Tera Nasheela Sheela Sheela Sheela Nasheela Tu Aag Hai Aag Hai Nahi Tera Koyi Jawab Hai Chupa Na Chupa Na Chupa Na Dikha Tere Badan Ka Kona Kona Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Mere Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Tera Badan Poora Tera Ilaka Maine Na Jhaka Mana Tu Lady Gaga Main Daku Nahi Hu Na Dalunga Daka Par Har Sardi Mein Garmi Mein Jade Mein Barish Mein Tonny Kakkar Ki Hona Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Shona Meri Shona Shona Shona Ho Ho Ho Mohabbat Jo Ho Gayi Hai Toh Dikha Hi Do Do Do

Don't feel guilt

Don't feel guilt,

if you left me.

Don't try to set me up with someone else.

You couldn't stay with me,

Then you don't know me.

You don't know my taste.

You just left me,

freeze me out,

became silent with me,

 ignore me or block me.

Just leave,

I will let you go always smoothly.

Just don't try to fix my life.

Let me find my path to living,

find my guy,

Who will never hesitate to stand for me,

will never get bore on me,

will never get irritated with me,

will never get tired to love me.

Let me find my guy,

let me live like me, happy.

If I'm still talking with you, that's only because I wanted to be nice with my life.

From the bottom of my heart, I salute you

 We were in honours final year, at the University of Dhaka. For our study tour, we went to Cox's Bazar. Here we have the world's longest beach beside the Bay of Bengal.

As far as I remember Chaity with a bunch of her other friends asked me and Shumi to go a little deeper into the ocean. They were holding hands with each other and made a circle. We joined. Whenever any wave comes, we jumped. It was really amazing. They continued to go deeper. Water came near to my chick. Shumi almost got drowned. Chaity and I decided, it really became difficult for Shumi so I and Shumi will go back to the land. We hold our hands and slowly moving towards the land. In the meantime, a strong wave pushed from our backside, mainly I felt the hit on my feet and it moved my feet upward. I drowned in the water. The moment I was falling inside the water I had held my breath. Then I tried to put my feet on the sand but I couldn't because of the water force moving forward. I tried to take my head up but another wave was running from the land to the water which didn't let my head go up. I tried to draw the picture (Very poor, please ignore my drawing capability) to describe the situation. 

Because of both different directions strong wave, I couldn't eighter go up or put my feet down on the sand. I have started thinking who saw me get drowned? Maybe no one. let's wait, maybe the wave will take me near the land. The way I'm telling the story you might think it took a long time, but actually a few seconds pasts.

Suddenly I felt, someone, is holding my hand and trying to pull me up. I hold that person's hand too, to go up. But then the hand went away. I understood, that person might be thinking I will hold tightly and will make that person drowned too. So I have started waiting for those hands. It came and hold me again. This time I didn't try to hold back. That person pulled me near Shumi and Shumi noticed me in the water. She pulled me out by grabbing my headscarf. I could start breathing and stand on my feet. Then walked to the land.

After all this trouble, when I could start thinking normally, I look around to know who helped me in the water. I have asked Shumi too, did she hold my hand? She said, no. I couldn't find anyone who tells me that they helped me or asked me whether I'm ok or not.

I have thought about this many times all these years. Who was it? Is it any unknown people? Maybe not, because we were kind of surrounded by our classmates. But no one was near me. As far as I could think. After the incident, Saleh used to say to his other friends that "You guys get drowned at the knee lever water!" I had a doubt about him but never asked. Didn't know what he will think if I asked.

After all these years, recently I asked him. Did he know that I drowned at the Bay of Bengal? He replied, Yes.

Me, "Was it you, who saved me?"

Saleh, with a big smile "Yes, it was me"

Oh Allah, and I didn't know. You are the only person I guess who noticed that I get drowned. Thank you, my friend. From the bottom of my heart, I salute you. 

Biography 13: Haircut

Earlier, people use to think, if you cut (I mean totally bald) your hair frequently, that will make your hair grow more and strong. So, in my childhood, my mom uses to cut me and my older sister's hair many times. But, as I told you earlier, I wasn't the girl who can sit down for some moments without moving a bit. In this condition, it wasn't easy to cut my hair. So, the only chance my mom had is when I fall asleep. But that was also very rare for my condition. So, whenever I fall asleep, she shaved my hair. Most of the time I woke up in the middle of her work. So, she couldn't complete her work. Then I play around my neighbourhood with half hair on my head. People laughed at me. Who cares? Later whenever she got a chance to shave the full head, she finished her work.

From my 5/6 years of age, my mom uses to give me Chinese style hair cut. I assume it was easy to do. I have started growing my hair at 8/9 years of age and after every 1/2 years, I use to trim my hair. That day my older sister was my hairdresser. I had cut my hair in a hair salon at the age of 29/30. I just wanted to make my long hair short. The girls at the hair salon didn't want to do that. They asked me, "Why are you cutting your all long hair? Did you ask your husband first? Let us cut a little bit, then decide later what you want to do". Finally, they said, they want to keep my hair for their training purpose. I said, Ok, no problem.

After 5 years of arriving in Canada, I have cut my hair short by myself. I could not give it a good shape by myself. I just wanted to distract myself. Anyway, it doesn't matter how it looks. It matters how I feel and I felt better.

People usually say this when they are in love

"for how long will you take me for rides like that,
now move this thing ahead..."

From this song:

[Source]

Tu ik Vaari Aa to Sahi Lyrics Translation | Judwaa 2

Movie: Judwaa 2
Music: Meet Bros
Lyrics: Sonu Saggu
Singers: Meet Bros, Neha Kakkar, Roach Kill (Rap)
Music Label: T-Series

sun baby deadly hai teri walk ni
tere Thumke bhi karte hain Talk ni

listen baby your walk is deadly,
even your dance moves talk.

ho dil kare dekhi jaaun teri ore
tu nazrein mila to sahi

the heart says that I should keep looking at you,
just meet my gaze...



dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu nazrein mila to sahi
tu ik vaari aa to sahi

I have given you my heart, I'll give you my life too,
just come once.
I have given you my heart, I'll give you my life too,
just meet my gaze...
oh, come once.

kab mummy daddy mere tu paTaayega
leke banD baaja ghar mere aayega
kab tak mujhe aise hi ghumayega
tu baat baRhaa to sahi

when will you convince my parents?
when will you come home with a wedding procession?
for how long will you take me for rides like that,
now move this thing ahead...

dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe dungi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe dungi
tu ik vaari...
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe dungi
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe dungi
tu nazrein mila to sahi
tu ik vaari aa to sahi

I have given you my heart, I'll give you my life too,
just come once.
I have given you my heart, I'll give you my life too,
just meet my gaze...
oh, come once.

o baby I just wanna tell you
if I ever got a chance to love you

tu dil mera luT ke lai gayi
te ankhaan naal sab kuchh keh gayi

you looted and took my heart away,
and said everything with your eyes.

jab maarda tu mujhpe Try’aan
sharma ke meri palak hai jhukdi
jab pakRe tu meriyan kalaiyaan
heartbeat baRhdi te kabhi rukdi

when you hit on me,
my eyelids are bowed with coyness,
when you hold my wrists,
my heartbeat sometimes increases and sometimes seems to stop.

huaa tujhse main kuRiye attach ni
teri kunDli bhi kar lunga match ni
tujhe jaldi se wifey banaunga
tu mooD bana to sahi

I've gotten attached to you, O girl,
I'll even match my horoscope with yours,
I'll make you my wife soon,
you just get in the mood.

dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu ik vaari aa to sahi
dil diya hai jaan bhi tujhe denge
tu nazrein mila to sahi
tu ik vaari aa to sahi

Biography 12: My favourite place

 

When I was a kid, I use to walk around our house. Neighbours knew me, so nobody worried about it. My favourite place to spend time alone was the neighbour’s front door stairs. It was made of concrete. I used to play, sometimes I played with mud, made that place dirty, I use to drink my bottle of milk by lying on it, but our neighbour never gave any objection (As far as I know). I remember once I went inside their house with my mom. Maybe on Eid day. There was no kid in that house, so I wasn’t interested to make friends with them.

One day I fall asleep on their stairs. My family members knew where to find me, so they bring me back home.

I still like sitting on the stairs. Especially at the front door.

When you are emotionally disturbed

 

To get rid of pain, many people do many things. Sometimes people hurt themselves. Previously when I saw these people, I use to think, why are they hurting themselves? What kind of solution is this? You get hurt and again you are hurting yourself? This is too much stupidity!

 

In life, when you get hurt emotionally so many times, and you will also try to figure out how to get rid of those pains or minimize them. When I feel upset, I also do some tricks to absorb the pain. But sometimes nothing works. At that moment, it came to my mind, why don’t I hurt me in a safe way (Don’t do anything which is harmful to you).

 

My hair is straight, black and long, about 24inch. I cut it in half, thrown all hairs in the bin. I must say, I have started feeling better! Now I know why people hurt themselves. It’s not about showing others, how much they get hurt, it’s about absorbing the pain. (Again, never do anything to harm yourself).

 

It’s been a month; I thought my son will notice. When he was a smaller kid, he uses to notice every small change in me. But now he is an 11-year-old boy. Maybe his concentration isn’t me anymore. He has started to be in his own life. And I am ready for it in my mind.

Biography 11: I have started irritating people

 Kids always know, what they want. If they can’t express it with words, they can cry loudly. I was like that child. I knew what I want then I tried my best to get it. Sometimes by crying, by lying or by stealing (Only from older sister).

 

Let I give you some examples, my parent took me to the children’s park (Shishu park). We all like to ride on the train. And I wanted to get a seat at the front cabin. Because that gives you the best scene. But that was already taken, everybody took other seats. But I was very strong with what I want. I didn’t get on the train and remain standing on the platform. So, my mom had to stand with me, the train left with all. On the next trip, I had got a chance to sit at the front with my mom and enjoy the ride.

 

I liked pickles very much. It’s a little different in Bangladesh than in Canada. It is very tasty. So, my mom uses to divide pickles among us by herself. I ate my part very fast and kept an eye on my sister’s part. After finishing my part, I use to take her part from her hand very quickly and eat it. She had nothing to do but cry.

 

I liked to tell stories. If I didn’t have anything to say, I had made it. Older people became confused, whether they will believe me or not.

 

I love to be loved. Everybody does. But as I told you, I kind of force to get it. So, I asked my family members to take me in their lap and have around in the area. That’s not enough. Then I didn’t want to get down. No one can keep me like that forever, but I started crying if they tried to put me down.

 

I like to run a lot and jump and climb up. Older people didn’t like my nonstop moving around the house. They all used to tell me the naughty girl. I had irritated every single people in my family and relatives.

 

I didn’t want to sleep; my family always get trouble to put me to sleep. My youngest uncle wonders, without sleeping how a kid lives like that.

 

My parents put me in a school a playground class. My first school was “Wills Little Flower School”. It wasn’t very near our house. My youngest aunt was mainly responsible to take us (I and my older sister) to the school. She always faces trouble with that. After dropping me into the class she came out of the school and found I came with her too.

 

I didn’t like to be seated inside the class. My teachers had to give me the treat to get my attention. At the end of the year, I failed in that class.

 

So, my popularity became 100% to 0% by the time I was 3 years old.

 

Later, I have changed totally. I had started sleeping a lot, stop talking, stop making friendship became very calm, stop asking for anything, always try to adjust what others won't, not seeking attention from anyone, play alone and even don’t like to ask what I should get, stop complaining, sacrifice for everyone, everything, let go of what I should have, became religious and don’t take any revenge etc.

 

Because I don’t like to see people unhappy or irritated with me. If you don’t want me, I will leave. I like to be happy.

 

My schoolteachers including the headmistress and relatives surprise a lot. They used to ask my mom, what happen with this girl.

Information about future bride or groom

 

In Bangladesh, there is some common activity, before getting married. One of them is to get information about the future bride or groom. Generally, people go to that girl’s/boy’s area and ask neighbours about them. Or to those people who may know about the future bride or groom. Whatever those neighbour or people said, people believe it. Sometimes they break the relation on basis of this information. There are no further queries or validation checks about that info.

 

The reality is, you don’t know these informers. Are they reliable? Are they telling you the truth? Whatever proof they are showing, are those good enough to decide? NO. But who cares? You will find another girl or boy for your family.

 

What happens, many times you get the wrong information. People basically don’t want any good for others. They feel jealous of every single good step in another's life. So, whenever they get a chance, they spread false information.

 

Some are different. They don’t want to make any harm to others. So, even if they knew something, they just hide it and say something good so that the new relation doesn’t get hampered.

 

So, either way, you will get the wrong information.

 

Some people want to make themselves important. So, they create some new information and present it as a very important truth.

 

How can you rely on these people’s information? You can ask. But try to verify that information. Before making a final decision ask the girl/boy directly. Let them have a chance to clear themselves out.

 

I can give you an example. Someone asked our neighbour about our older sister. That neighbour also has a daughter who was studying with my sister. So, the person thought, the neighbour might give her good information about my sister. The neighbour said, my sister, got second division in SSC. Then the person said, but I heard she has got star marks! The neighbour became angry and replied, “What happens if she has stars, she had passed in second division!” We would never know about our neighbour’s mentality if that person didn’t ask us about it.

 

The reality is my sister has got star marks in SSC. And got placed 13^th in HSC. None of our family ever got Second Class in SSC.

Biography 10: dropping the oil

 

In my childhood I liked to jump, dance, run all day all over the house. The geometric design of our house helped me run from one bedroom to another and to the veranda, sometimes the kitchen. Traditionally (Bangladesh kitchens) our house has the gas burner on the floor and So all the ingredients. Including oil. When you are jumping, running and dancing, it’s hard not to kick something. For Some reason I couldn’t stop knocking over the bottle of oil and then the bottle dropped on the floor and it’s hard to clean grease off the floor and the oil is an expensive ingredient.

 

The first time I dropped the oil my mom told me to be more careful. The second time the exact same thing happened. I really don’t know why it happens repeatedly. My mom became very angry, but she still just told me to be careful again. OK, I will be careful, I thought. Then, For the 3^rd time in a row, I knocked it over again, I knew, no one can save me now. But there is no harm to try to save yourself. So, I went to my older sister and told her to “tell mom that the oil dropped by itself” I knew that everyone will believe her. My mom heard that from another room, she started to laugh hard. So, I kind of saved myself. I was right, we should try to save ourselves.

I like this old song very much.

 I like the music of this song, so much.

Lyrics with English version:

jawaan hai muhabbat, haseen hai zamaanaa

lutaayaa hai dil ne, khushi kaa khazaanaa

muhabbat karen khush rahen muskuraayen

khush rahen muskuraayen

na soche hamen kyaa kahegaa zamaanaa

kyaa kahegaa zamaanaa

abhi tak mujhe yaad hai wo kahaani

yaad hai wo kahaani

na bhoolegaa bachpan ka rangeen zamaanaa

haan rangeen zamaanaa

yahaan aankhon aankhon mein baaten huyi hain

kisine na dekhaa kisine na jaanaa

haan kisine na jaanaa

tum aaye ke bachapan meraa laut aayaa

laut aayaa

milaa hai mujhe zindagi ka bahaanaa

zindagi ka bahaanaa

Translation: (Provided by nahm)

————————————————–

In these beautiful times, love became young

My heart overflows with an abundance of happiness

Be in love and keep smiling full of gaiety

Without a worry about what the world will say

Still remember that story of love, I do

Can I forget the days of youth and colourful thoughts?

Now, our eyes have said the things that matter

No one else has to see and know these things

You have come and the days of my childhood are back

Have found a new purpose in life, I have really!

Source: Atul’s Song A Day- A choice collection of Hindi Film & Non-Film Songs

Biography 09: Little people’s gang

 

If you have an older brother or sister, you can relate to this situation. When they play, they don’t want you to play with them. Because you are small, you can’t play like them. Nobody wants to listen to you, because they think, you only speak on unnecessary issues. No one cares what you want, because you are a very little person, so you don’t have any need. Whatever elders decide about you, that’s final. You don’t have any word.

 

I have heard, people want to go back to their childhood. I never want it back. I like the freedom. I know I make lots of mistakes. But still, I like to take a final decision about myself. No one else shouldn’t put anything on me.

 

When I was about 3 years old, I started facing problems with older people. In those days’ guardians didn’t feel trouble to let kids go around the neighbourhood. So, all kids like me in a neighbour made a group. The reality is older kids kind of push us back in a group. And I became the gang leader. My first leadership. I used to listen to all, But the final decision is mine. I am a good leader (I believe).

 

On Eid, there is a big Eid fair use to hold on to the Komolapur Railway field. Hour home was near that place. All kids collected Salami the whole day and then go the fair to shop and enjoy various rides. I wanted to go there. But older decided, we have nothing to do over there and it’s a burden for them if must take and look after us. No one will like this decision. So, we kid decide to go by ourselves. We knew the path, we can walk.

 

We didn’t have much money but whatever we had we took it with us and went away. After a few hours’ parents notice a bunch of kids are missing in the neighbour. They asked the older kids and they have no idea what happens. As the whole group is missing, they understood, we are all together, probably went to the fair. Why not?

 

I don’t know how we get inside without any ticket, or there was no ticket. It was very crowded, so soon we get separated. We didn’t mind. We all know how to go back home. It was in my neighbour. I was looking at toys (Kitchen cook wear) and thinking about how I can buy those with a small amount of money. Suddenly I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder. I looked back; it was my uncle. Then he had a big smile like EUREKA! He said, no worries I will buy you whatever you like. Let’s go home.

The orange shirt day

 #orangeshirtday

Biography 08: Dry skin

 In my childhood, I spend most of my time by running, jumping and climbing. It was difficult for me to sit or walk. I didn't want to waste my time by taking care of myself. So, elders faced so much trouble to make me take a bath, comb my hair or any other personal care. Taking lotion or cream stayed far away. Then I faced the consequences. Some skin problems started on my leg, below my knee. It looked really bad. People can easily notice as I use to wear frocks. My mom noticed and put some medicine on it. It recovered, without keeping any mark on my skin.

But it took a while to recover. During that time, kids, kind of banned me in the playground. They played with my older sister. One day I was standing at the side, while other kids were playing. They directly told me, we won't play with you because of your problem. Then a little girl, named Lucky came to me and hold my hand. His brother was also there with other kids and my sister. He told her, "What are you doing? Can't you see her condition?" Lucky looked at me and said, "It's OK. I will play with you. Let's go!" I smiled and run with her to another place and we started playing. After that, we became a very good friend. She is the only person who stood up for me against every single person including her family. We had a small group of 3/4 years old kids.

But my luck was always the same. Nobody stayed in my life. On those days we use to live at South Komlapur, Dhaka. Lucky's brother's name was Russel (Probably). They moved to some other place and I have lost my best friend forever. Still, whenever I feel alone, in my mind I hold my little friend's hand and say, let's play.

Later I have started work in offices. Most of the day I had to stay in a air conditioned room. That makes the room a little dry. So, again I have faced skin problems on legs. This time I went to a skin specialist. They told me, my skin is dry. So, the whole year, I have to put lotion on my skin. Every time I wash my legs or take a bath, I have to put lotion, otherwise, it will create problems. I have followed the doctor's recommendation and my skin problem was gone.

When I have decided to live in Canada, I knew I will again face problems with my dry skin. And yes, I did. Now after every 6 hours, I try to put lotion on my skin. To make things better, planning to move to British Columbia. Where I will get rainy weather. So, I am assuming that will be good for me.

But I can't write down that name for you

 I was watching a celebrity talk show. The host asked the celebrity, "What is your favourite song?". They replied, "Goom hai kisi ke pyaar mein..". I didn't know about this song. So I have searched online And found this:

Lyrics with the English version 

Gum hai kisi ke pyar mein dil subah shaam [Day and night my heart is lost in someone's love]

Par tumhe likh nahi paaun main uska naam [But I can't write down that name for you]

Haaye ram ... haaye ram [O my god ... O my god]

Socha hai ek din main usse milke [I'm thinking that one day I'll meet her]

Keh daalun apne sab haal dil ke [And tell her about the condition of my heart]

Aur kar doon jeevan uske hawale [I'll hand my life in her hands]

Phir chhod de chahe apna bana le [Then it's up to her if she wants to leave me or love me]

Main toh uska re hua deewana [I've gone crazy for her]

Ab toh jaisa bhi mera ho anjaam [Now it doesn't matter what my outcome will be]

Chaha hai tumne jis banwri ko [The crazy girl that you're in love with]

Woh bhi sajanwa chahe tumhi ko [She also is in love with you]

Naina uthaye toh pyar samjho [If she looks up then assume that it's her love]

Palkein jhuka de toh ikraar samjho [If she looks down then that's her acceptance of love]

Rakhti hai kab se chupa chupake ... kya [She's hiding this for a long time ... what]

Apni hothon mein piya tera naam [our name in her lips]

Translation source

Biography 07: Milk

 

One day I was sleeping. My mom came from training after a few months. She woke me up and kept her face too close to me and asked how you are. I just woke up and her face was really close to me that I couldn’t look at her well, I blinked a couple of times.

 

My mom assumed no one (Especially the maid) didn’t give me enough milk. She started giving me milk (Full glass) regularly and frequently. She said, then I became perfect. But after that, I stopped drinking milk. Even if I tried, I puke.

 

I have again started drinking milk when I became pregnant. I wanted to give my baby full nutrition. So, I started by taking a small cup of milk, then finish it by taking small sips. Still, I can’t just drink it. I use cereal and fruits with it. To stay well, I take it regularly at night.

Whatever you have lost, let it go

When we were kids, my youngest aunt (Paternal) uses to live with us. She was unmarried. She always listened to songs. The whole day, the same song. I mean whichever song she liked, the whole day she will play it. Because of this, I had memorized some of her favourite songs. 

After a long time, I found someone posts one of her favourite songs on Facebook, I remember this song, still the whole lyrics.

O mor moynago, o mor moynago o o o (moyna-go) [Oh my love]

Kar karone tumi akela (ekela) [For whom are you alone?]

Kar bihone bihone diba nishi je utola [Whose absence making you frustrated day and night?]

Sheto ashibena sheto firibena firibena (ashbena or ashibena) [That person is not coming back to you, never ever]

Dur dur dur-pane anmone chahiya [Looking unconsciously to far away]

Ki birager raginii jao gahiya [Which sad song are you singing?]

Shobuje shobuje vora banani (bonani) (shobuj or shobuje) [See the green forests]

Furabe fagoon bujhi janoni [You didn't notice that the spring is going to end soon]

Hayre hayre bujhi ta janoni [Oh poor you, you didn't notice]

Moynago, o mor moynago�..

Jhor jhor jhor du noyone jhor jhor jhoraye (noyono or noyone) [By dropping water from your eyes]

Keno thako, bishade mon bhoraye [Why are you always in the sad mood?]

Ja kichu haraye gelo jaak an, [Whatever you lost, let it go]

Nil akashe melo pakhna [Spread your wings in the blue sky]

Dao re dao-re mele pakhna [Spread your wings]

Moyna go, o mor moyna go

Kar karone tumi akela

Kar bihone bihone diba-nishi je utol

Biography 06: Mom

My mom was a full-time worker and most of the time she had to work more than her work time. She was doing very good in her job, taken all necessary training and always stayed at the top of her colleagues. When I was 7 months old my mom had to go to Khulna from Dhaka for a 6 months long training. When she returned, I forgot her.

My mom is a short-tempered person. She has high blood pressure. She has gone through several surgeries. But she holds and keeps up our family including my dad's family and her parent's family. I told you she worked really hard for income, then at home to raise 5 kids. She has taken care of our education and also ran everywhere for our extra curriculum activities. My dad liked the food and she uses to make different kinds of food. She was the one who worked with the labours to build our 5 storied building. Still, she is maintaining the house and taking care of all tenants. She did all at the same time.

I love and respect my mom. But I always keep some distance. As I mentioned earlier she was short-tempered. When she gets angry she screams and uses her hand like all Bangladeshi moms. I'm the one who suffered most of the time. Because I wasn't good in (Comparing to my other siblings) education, I didn't like to read, I liked to run and drop things. One day I escaped from our house with my sister and went to my uncle's house. My dad once told me, "why don't you run away when your mom started hitting you?" I respect her. Another day she was scolding me and my son was 3/4 years old. He loves both, so he pushed granny outside the room and lock the door. Then told me not to go outside now.

I know, most of the Bangladeshi mom raises their kid this way, this is their way of parenting. But for me, this situation made a big gap between me and my mom. I never went to her on any issue like other girls do (And they should). I didn't tell her when my menopause started, I didn't tell her when someone tried to abuse me, I didn't tell anything that happened in my school, dancing or singing classes. I was all by myself. Still, I am.

I talk with my mom but don't try to continue more than 5 minutes. I know after that we will start arguing. My son loves his granma. She uses to bought him potato chips (Because I didn't want to give him). Even now she asked me to buy chips for him.

My mom is a very hard working woman. She helped every single relative who needed it. she takes care of all of us. Still she works more than me. I wish I could do something for her to make her life a little easier.

Plastic and paper recycle

 

In Canada, if you go to any mall, restaurant or any office, you will see there are different types of recycling bins. Some just mentioned for recycling. Some put name for plastic, for papers and for cans etc. Many people who are conscious about the environment take time and put each item to the dedicated bin and hope that those will be taken for recycling as mentioned.

 

Are they? NO.

 

I have seen some big companies; they took all and put together with general garbage and dump them like that. Nothing is being recycled. It’s like playing with people’s trust. Either they should properly recycle or only have garbage bins.

Biography 05: Flowers

 

I get born at 02.30am. In the morning when my parent brought me home, they found everywhere is decorated with flowers. Like they are welcoming me. The fact was “Shahid Minar”, the symbol of the language fighters who died to keep our mother tongue, was right beside the Dhaka Medical College. The whole area was decorated with flowers in respect of the language fighters.

 

Later they put my name “Shimul”, a flower of Spring.

 

I like the flowers. I used to search on the internet and keep beautiful flower pictures to make it my desktop picture.

 

In my first job, many of my colleagues give me flowers on my birthday. My whole desk was covered with flowers. At the end of the day, I had to ask someone to help me to carry flowers for me because I couldn’t take them all at a time.

 

This continues in my other jobs too. But things have changed now. Last year, my birthday was the worse celebration of my life. I kept quiet and wanted to know, how others celebrate my birthday. Nobody did anything. Even at home people didn’t care to say, “Happy birthday”, no gift, no arrangement. Only my mum called me, and sisters send me a message. It hurts! So, now I have decided I will celebrate it in my own way. As much fun as I can have by arranging by myself. Won’t bother if anybody does anything or not. I can buy flowers for myself, right?

You Got Me Too

 I heard this song as background music of a video. Someone was showing how to sew a flower with lace and the music was playing. Liked a lot so search for it. Here it is: 

https://youtu.be/-4yAf1CP3Yo

Loving Caliber

You had me at hello
Cause where you go is where I go
I don't need nobody else
I got you and you got me too

You came right out of the blue
I wanna do what you want to
We can leave and run away Someday, someday

I've been saving
I've been saving you
And you saved me too
Yeah I need it
Don't you need me too
Cause I need you

Yes, so call me anytime that you need a favour
Call me anytime I can come and save you, oh oh
Call me anytime that you need a friend
And call me anytime when you're out of time
And you I got you and you got me too

We can always make it trough
What we do is what we do
I can take you anywhere, somewhere
We won't be scared

You will see me flying high
I'm staring into your blue eyes
We don't need nobody else
I got you and you got me too

I've been saving…

Biography 04: Names

 

I have born in Springtime. In Bangladesh, during Spring Shimul flower or Bombax ceiba commonly known as cotton flower blooms. This is a big tree and the flower’s colour is red. When the flower blooms no leaf stays and you can see only red. Later flowers produce cotton. Which used for making cushion locally.

 

Maybe on the basis of that my mom (May be) kept my name Shimul. Still, my family and relatives call me with this name. In my first passport, my name was Shimul Sultana. Later my youngest grandfather (Maternal, my mom’s youngest uncle) give me a new name “Shahana”. So, then I became Shahana Sultana. If I translate this name, it will be “Queen Princess”. This name didn’t continue for long. Before I get admitted to grade two in Bangladesh, my mom did the final change. She added my father’s name to me. So, from then I became Shahana Shafiuddin.

“At the end, love wins”

 

Really? How many times you have seen this winning?

I have seen so many times, people fall in love, willing to do anything for their lovers. But in the end, they get refused. Their feelings were very true (I think), they just choose the wrong person to fall in.

 

When people near me did this. In the beginning, I had tried to warn them, that they should know, to what kind of person they are getting close. If they could stop, it would have been better for them. But even by knowing everything, they fall for it. On those days I didn’t know, why on earth they are even trying for that kind of people.

 

But with time, I realize, they did because they couldn’t stop themselves. Because of love, they always had hope, people will change, and fall for real with them. And that never happens, so, in the end, get hurt.

 

Later these broken heart people move on. They start their new life. But I felt the spark is missing. It looks like they are living with furniture. I hope, I’m wrong.

 

Almost all of them, who play with heart, didn’t get anything good (As far as I have seen). Karma is very true. No matter how they appear in society, deep inside they are living the worst life.

Biography 3 (Summery):

 

When I first started writing in this blog, I had decided, I won’t hesitate to write anything over here. Mostly it’s not a popular blog, I don’t need to worry. But, on Facebook, I always try to give happy news. 

Then I realize, I can’t hurt anyone. So, I must write in a way so that no one can specify who that person is. If I can’t sugar-coat, I will hide the story.

 

As I have started writing about me (Kind of biography), no one needs to worry. It will be only about me, with some unknown persons around me.

Every individual deserves this privacy

If anyone ever liked me, maybe only for some moments. They earned lifetime respect from me. I honour them. Theses feelings are priceless.

 

When any person directly or indirectly expressed their feeling to me, I had never disclosed it to any other person. None of my best friends, mom or sisters know about them. I believe every person deserves this privacy.

 

You have every right, not to love any person. But you have no right to make a joke about their feelings.

Biography 2: skin color

I have born at Dhaka Medical College. After getting birth, the doctor hit me to cry. To clear my vocal. My dad didn’t like that. So, to annoy him doctor kept hitting me and I kept crying. My dad couldn’t stop himself but to ask the doctor to stop. They laughed. Till now I found some people hurt me without any reason, just to enjoy.

 

My mom was happy to see me. Because she saw I didn’t take my father’s skin colour. My skin colour was white. As she told me that I had the brightest skin colour among all brothers and sisters (I doubt). But I couldn’t keep her happy for a long time. By 3 years I became just like my father. Quite dark skin.

 

In Bangladesh, people called me, black skin. But they always tried to make it sugar-coated. Like, you are black, but there is something attractive at your face, which makes people look at you, black rose etc.

 

I am not conscious of my skin colour. I rarely look at the mirror. So, most of the time I forget what my skin colour is. During my teenage, I noticed, all colour dresses aren’t looking good at me. I had to avoid some colours which make me look worse.

 

My skin colour became the most important thing in life, when I had started to think to marry. I know I'm not beautiful. But I didn't know I am that much ugly. For example, I'm giving you two comments, ugly girls like me always try to catch beautiful boys otherwise no one will marry them, My face looks so dirty I don't wash my face after getting up in the morning.

But I never tried to hide my colour. I even don’t put makeup on my face (Actually I even don’t know how to put on makeup, I don’t have any). I think, my face has different shades of colours, I don’t need to put more colours on it.

 

After arriving in Canada, I got to know, my skin colour is brown. But one day, one of my teachers told me, you are black. I didn’t hear like that for a long time. Then I looked at him and saw he is from Latin America. His skin colour is yellowish-white and very beautiful. So, obviously, my skin is very dark in his eyes. I didn’t mind, if he thinks like that, he has the right to let me know that.

 

I know, not only for my skin colour but because of the way I look, many people don’t like me. Some of them can’t hide it. It’s ok not to like me. But I am what I am, and I think I am a very good person to hang out with.

Difference between like and love

There is a very fine layer in between love and like. The easy to figure it out is to monitor how feeling growing with time.

 

If you want anything more and more. Then it’s love. It never dies. If, after having some you are feeling full, don’t want it more, then it was your liking.

 

Let me give you some examples. A kid wants a toy very much. They are asking the toy for months. They are so desperate to have it. After having it, within 3 days, they don’t feel any interest in it. It’s liking.

Some kids like their soft toys very much. They hold it every night before going to sleep. It continues, this is love.

 

In a relationship, I have seen this in many couples. At the beginning they are so happy to have each other, then they lost all interest with each other. Maybe they liked each other very much, but they didn’t love their partner. So, it ended in a very short time.

 

For some, without making much effort the feeling continues. Yes, it’s love. They might face many ups and downs in life, but the feeling continues.

People, with a heart like an ocean

Some people born in this world with a heart like an ocean. They love people, animals or anything else. Till death, they work for their love and work. Because of them, humankind takes a leap of growth. When general people get love and mercy from them, they don’t think to give anything in return. People just take advantage of these big hearts, because people think these big persons are fools to let’s take advantage of it.

We all have seen a person like this in our life. Did we do anything for them? Deep in their heart, don’t you think they wish for anything? Yes, they do, they just can’t expect it from people who don’t give the value of others work.

A beautiful song "tare hai barati"

I like this song. I think it's a happy song, but it started as a sad one. After watching this song I started feeling a marriage ceremony open air at night would be amazing.

https://youtu.be/DsltGzipmyo

Lyrics:

Akhiyan milake channa paave na judai ve

Now that our eyes have met, let us never be apart

Akhiyan milake channa paave na judai ve

Now that our eyes have met, let us never be apart

Deve na tari mainu sari khudai ve

I won't exchange you even for the entire world

Akhiyan milake

Now that our eyes have met Tare hai barati chandni hai yeh barat The stars are our guests and the moonlight is the wedding procession Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Tare hai barati chandni hai yeh barat The stars are our guests and the moonlight is the wedding procession Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Tare hai barati chandni hai yeh barat The stars are our guests and the moonlight is the wedding procession Ganga Jamuna se bhi pawan tera mera bandhan Our bond is more pure than the Ganga and Jamuna rivers Tera prem hai phulwari aur mera mann hai aangan Your love is a flower plant and my heart is like fertile land Janamo janamo ka hi sajni tera mera saath We'll be together for multiple births Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Tu hai jeevan mein joh pritam sukh nahi maangun duja I don't need any more happiness now that you're there in my life Aarti naino se karti hoon mann se teri puja I worship you with my eyes and pray to you from my heart Main toh dharm hi samjhun teri kahi hui har baat Everything you say is righteous to me Saaton phere honge ab haathon mein leke haath Now we'll walk the seven holy steps with our hands held together Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Jeevan saathi hum, diya aur baati hum We're life partners just like the lamp and the wick Tare hai barati chandni hai yeh barat The stars are our guests and the moonlight is the wedding procession Akhiyan milake channa paave na judai ve Now that our eyes have met, let us never be apart Deve na tari mainu sari khudai ve I won't exchange you even for the entire world Akhiyan milake Now that our eyes have met